Welcome to Carrie the musical, bitches.
I’m really not a fan of musicals because let’s face it, they can be a trainwreck but like most things, this horror-musical worked all too well in the quirky, murderous town of Riverdale.
Who knew this town and its resident wholly embodied the thriller’s characters?
There was Alice, the worried and abandoned mother; Veronica, the rich, entitled mean girl; Archie, the hero who lost his way but always did the right thing in the end; Betty, the good girl next door; and of course, Cheryl, the girl who has faced years of abuse from her diabolical mother.
Any mother who doesn’t let her daughter participate in after-school activities is the definition is the worst.
Part of why the musical worked so well is because the writers found a way to tell the story authentically through the episode.
Strange occurrences started happening around the original Carrie, Cheryl’s brush with death when the sandbag almost took her out, just like in the film.
At first, everyone chocked it up to simple coincidence or a student scorned about not getting the part.
Then, notes from the Black Hood started appearing, although, once again, it was a fake-out because we all know the hooded-figure wouldn’t actually spend time cutting out letters from a magazine. What kind of sicko would emulate the town’s worst killer for their own amusement?
Ethel was the number one suspect and while I can see her going to those lengths, especially as she was vying for Cheryl’s part in the first place, I don’t think she actually had it in her to murder.
Because, of course, this is a horror-movie inspired episode and much like in the musical, things took a violent, dark and unexpected turn except this time, it was Midge as Carrie who became the victim.
Yes, we’ve dealt with murder before but that scene was terrifying; the stuff of nightmares!
Obviously, the question of “who-dun-it” lingers and will carry over into the following episode.
I’m going to put my detective cap on quickly and say that whoever wanted Cheryl out of the picture knew that Midge was her understudy. Cheryl was never the target, they just needed to spook Kevin off enough so that he would replace her. Midge was always the target,
Therefore, it couldn’t have been Ethel because her feud was with Cheryl. I’d see her going to great lengths to punish Veronica but not Midge so I’m eliminating her from my suspect list.
Before the show kicked off, there was a minor but tense moment between Fangs and Midge in the dressing room. It almost seemed as if Kevin had walked it on his boyfriend and Midge hooking up which would give him a motive, but I don’t think Kevin would kill a fly.
However, shortly after, we saw Moose angrily darting through the hallway and pushing Jughead out of the way. Since Moose is Midge’s boyfriend, maybe he found out about the affair and “took care of it.”
We also can’t rule out creepy-as-hell Chic since he was backstage when he wasn’t supposed to be and was the only one who was sitting calmly in the panicked audience at the end of the episode in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment.
I don’t really think Chic would have anything to gain from crucifying Midge like that but you never know.
If Betty is so spooked by her own brother, why did she invite him in the first place?
Jughead’s terribly-recorded footage will likely play a huge role in finding out who the murderer was. At least all of his hard work will pay off and he’ll even get a good high-school musical turned murder documentary out of it. I’m sure he could sell it to Netflix.
And don’t worry, just cause Midge didn’t get to wear the iconic blood-drenched prom dress doesn’t mean it was completely omitted from the episode.
Cheryl, whose middle name may as well be Carrie at this point, finally took back control of her life. For some time, it seemed like Cheryl had lost her edge, but Toni was there to remind her that she once burned down Thornhill so she could take on a bully like her mother.
And Cheryl marched right in, covered in blood, threatening to set fire to everything again if she didn’t get what she wanted — emancipation and Thistlehouse. Oh, and Nana Rose because obviously, she wasn’t going to leave behind dear old gran with those pigs. Is this the end of Penelope as we know it? I really do hope so.
The episode was jam-packed with storylines, some of them never really got to shine before it was on to the next scene.
In case you forgot, Riverdale is still deeply embroiled in the battle for a new Mayor and the showdown is happening between two former lovers Fred Andrews and Hermione Lodge.
No one is more torn about this than Archie and Hiram hopes to utilize this by making sure ensuring that he drives a wedge between Fred and Archie.
However, it seems Hiram underestimated Archie and his loyalty to his father because after he visited Fred simply to brag and dangle the car he bought his son in his face, Archie finally saw what kind of man he really was.
Shortly after, Archie returned the Thunderbird and told Hiram never to come between him and his dad again because he will lose. There’s the Archie we’ve always loved!
He’s not some spoiled kid who drives fancy cars or can be bribed by expensive gifts — he’s the sensitive jock who fixes up old cars with his dad and supports him effortlessly.
Alice Cooper has finally realized that her overpowering ways have pushed everyone away so she’s holding onto whatever is still familiar by joining the high school play and re-living her glory days.
I guess it would also explain her renewed interest in FP Jones, however, I’m disappointed that after pursuing him, she ended up right back with Hal. Obviously, there is absolutely no love left in their marriage if the man didn’t even know she was allergic to Peonies.
And do I really have to remind everyone that he’s been finding comfort with charlatan Penelope? Gross.
Last we checked, Hal thought being free of Alice was a blessing so why the change of heart?
It truly broke my heart to see FP show up at the play to support Alice before seeing her back in Hal’s arms. Come on, we were so close!
- Betty and Veronica sounded angelic when they harmonized. They should do that every episode.
- Archie’s dancing should win some award. He can pull off so much but dancing is not one of those things.
- How are they all such good singers? Was that a casting requirement? Even fricking Barb can sing! Yes, she will always be Barb to me.
- Do they really have a Lovers Lane in Riverdale?
- Archie’s face when Alice broke down via sing-song should probably also win an Oscar or something.
- Whose blood did Cheryl have smeared all over her? I rooted for our girl, but I was also terrified of her. Hey, that’s what you get for succumbing your daughter to conversion therapy!
- Betty was a bit of a hypocrite for calling out Veronica for being a terrible friend when like Archie said, V forgave her for all the stuff Blackhood made her do. However, I have no remorse for Veronica who stands by idly and watches her parents manipulate everyone and only do what’s in their best interest.
Riverdale – Bizarrodale (3×12)
There is absolutely no better word to describe Riverdale than bizarrodale.
In all honesty, I’m pretty confused as to the purpose of this whole Gargoyle King and/or Gryphons and Gargoyles storyline.
Initially, the storyline seemed promising, but much like the Black Hood, the reveals of the Gargoyle King — there have been two thus far — have been mediocre.
Tall Boy was a fake-out, but the second Gargoyle King ended up being Mason, Moose’s in-the-closet father who had a crush on Tommy?
Seriously. We’ve only seen Mason like two times this whole season.
This means there are iterations of the Gargoyle King to take care of personal business, but the main GK is still to be discovered. Like FP said, it’s like playing whack-a-mole until we finally encounter the real one.
Truthfully, I don’t even care who the real Gargoyle King is because does it even matter?
We’re supposed to believe that Mason wanted to date Tommy, went to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for gay conversion therapy, thought the GK made him straight again only to express jealousy upon finding out that his son, a gay man, was dating Tommy’s gay son?
It’s a mouthful, I know.
Two things immediately stick out to me that make me question the validity of this story. For starters, when did the Sisters start having male students? Second off, if Mason met the Gargoyle King, it stands to reason that Fizzle Rocks were definitely around back then.
And, on top of that, we’re supposed to believe Mason was crafty enough to reunite the Midnight Club for another rendezvous?
I’m not buying it. I think this storyline was slapped together and the last minute and it’s falling apart in fact-checking.
After all that Kevin has been through, can’t he just find a significant other that can openly be with him without dying or almost being killed by his own dad?
Though, I will admit the scene where all the parents realized the Ascension Night was just a facade to target their children was really brilliant.
A lot of people are having sex in Riverdale, you guys. These teen hormones are outrageous. I wonder what’s in the water in Riverdale aside from Fizzle Rocks runoff.
Cheryl had a few questionable moments this week as she purposefully outed Moose thinking she was doing the right thing.
I’m really happy that the writers immediately addressed that Cheryl hijacking his coming out was not okay.
It’s a deeply personal decision and definitely not one someone should be pressured into.
Riverdale also did a good job at addressing the dangers of being outed to parents that aren’t fully supportive.
Cheryl of all people should know what it’s like dealing with a parent who doesn’t support her sexuality. It was a bit strange after Penelope tried to sabotage her entrance interview into college that Cheryl would still think outing someone would be a good idea.
Or that Toni would suggest that Cheryl knows nothing about dealing with unsupportive family members.
By the end of the episode, Cheryl had successfully blackmailed her mother, won her way back into the college of her choice, and even scored Toni an interview.
And as a make good, she even formed a new gang for Toni called the Pretty Poison.
I don’t know if Riverdale really needs any more gangs, but it can’t hurt to have a girl gang around, can it?
Also, how hilarious is it that Penelope believes Cheryl is an abomination but doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with owning a brothel?
There was a significant focus on secondary characters which was appreciated since audiences are always complaining that Kevin and Josie don’t get nearly enough screentime.
Josie’s music aspirations were at the forefront as she prepared for an audition at Julliard.
Archie found Josie crying about how she wouldn’t be able to get to the audition because Sweet Pea wouldn’t take her since they officially broke up.
I knew they hooked up at that one summer party, but who knew they were actually together?
Or that Sweet Pea was so sensitive and couldn’t do this whole back and forth thing with Josie? The moment seemed so ill-fitting and was probably only included to pair Josie with Archie with irritates me. Sweet Pea is above being a plot device.
Archie, owing Josie a favor after she helped sober him up and get him on the right track, offered to give her a ride.
Sadly, Josie’s pipes didn’t make the cut, but they were good enough to jam out with Archie.
That eventually led to a kiss which we all knew was coming and bam — Riverdale’s newest couple is here.
Or is it? Ashley Murray (who plays Josie) just signed onto The CW’s new Riverdale spin-off, Katy Keene. Does that mean her romance with Archie is short-lived?
I’ve expressed my concerns about Archie corrupting sweet little Josie, but now I’m more terrified of how Veronica will react.
Sure, she’s doing her thing with Reggie, but will she be okay with her ex and her friend hooking up?
In reality, I think Ronnie has bigger fish to fry than who Archie’s sleeping with as she unintentionally got involved in her family business.
After burning the Fizzle Rocks factory, Hermione forced Ronnie and Reggie to pay back all the money.
For someone who is loaded, Veronica had a really difficult time coming up with the cash. I don’t know if it’s because she’s with Reggie, but recently, her plans just haven’t made all that much sense.
How did they not consider that the money taken from a bank would be doused in exploding ink? Or that the security guard would have a gun? Amateurs.
Though their Bonnie & Clyde dynamic is a welcome change from her Romeo & Juliet relationship with Archie caused by her father.
And the dangerous kingpin? None other than Mama Jughead.
Yep, it seems Gladys is back in town and she just singlehandedly stole the game from everyone.
The Lodges are indebted to her, Veronica and Reggie are working for her, FP is Sheriff and Jughead has control of the Serpents.
And the most dangerous aspect is that FP and Jughead don’t expect a thing.
I am honestly so disappointed that Jelly Bean is playing her father and brother like that.
I also cannot wait until Gladys and Alice finally come face-to-face.
And speaking of Alice, will we ever find out what’s going on with The Farm? The storyline seems to be abandoned unless they have something to do with the game and the Gargoyle King.
Turning it over to you, Riverdale Cravers.
Are Josie and Archie going to be serious? What does Gladys want from Riverdale? Are Hermione and Hiram still aligned? How will Kevin mend his broken heart?
Oh, and congrats Sierra and Tommy. Those two lovebirds finally tied the knot, even if it did piss off half the town!
Riverdale – The Red Dahlia (3×11)
Riverdale is a wicked crime town, and no one is innocent. Not Betty, not Jughead, not Archie, and definitely not Veronica.
“The Red Dahlia,” a term Betty used on Penelope in this episode makes the point that the parents are all to blame for the dysfunction and murder.
Though the plots have become twisted and tangled that it may sometimes become a little difficult to follow along, the point being drive home is that Hermione and Penelope are working together to take over Hiram Lodge’s empire.
Penelope was revealed as not only Clifford’s killer but Daryl and Claudius’ as well. Her storyline is very straightforward — she takes out the bad men.
Clifford was responsible for Jason’s death while Claudius was responsible for poisoning Sweetwater River thus leading to seizures in the high school.
Now, how does Hermione play into all of this?
Her web of lies is a bit more complex.
As we know, Riverdale writers love playing with the structure of an episode and Jughead’s ‘who-dun-it’ film noir vibe gave this town even more, er, charm.
Jughead doesn’t strike me as the type of guy eager to find Hiram Lodge’s shooter, however, when Veronica asks sweetly, his crime-solving and investigative reporter senses began tingling and it was an offer he couldn’t pass up.
Much like the rest of us, Veronica assumed her mother was responsible for shooting her father.
And she was technically wrong.
While Hermione didn’t do the crime, she did place the order.
FP Jones confessed to killing Hermione in exchange for the Sherriff’s position.
Now, admittedly, this wasn’t much of a surprise. Much of the town has a bone to pick with Hiram, but there are two dads in particular that really want revenge for how he’s treated their sons — Fred and FP.
Fred may have threated Hiram in the last episode, but he doesn’t have the guts to carry something like that out.
But FP? Yeah, that dude has it in him.
FP believed the Sheriff position would ensure his safety is Hermione tried to double-cross him, which she definitely attempted, but Jughead was one step ahead of them all.
After meeting with Hermione, he didn’t necessarily trust her and her attempts at steering Juggy in a different direction to Hiram’s mistress didn’t absolve her of anything.
Jughead had his Serpent’s follow her and what they found out had the ability to shake Riverdale to its core: Sheriff Minetta, previously believed to have been beheaded by the Man in Black, was as alive as ever and having an affair with Hermione.
What’s worse? Hermione wanted him to go finish off her husband with a cop’s gun so she could pin the blame on FP.
Look, I underestimated Hermione — that lady is wicked.
Minetta isn’t the first person to turn up alive in Riverdale after believing to be dead, however.
Tallboy resurrected for a bit as the Gargoyle King only to end up dead again this time at the hands of the Sweet Pea and Fangs.
Jughead and FP were presented with the opportunity to frame someone that’s already dead with the attempted attack on Hiram, which evidently angered Madam Mayor.
Another hiccup in Hermione’s plan? Archie Andrews.
Archie’s hatred for the Man in Black actually ended up saving his life which is something neither she, nor we, nor he (Archie) expected.
Archie thought that killing Hiram would somehow put an end to his spiraling. I appreciate the effort, but man Archie, get it together.
Archie was never going to go through with killing Hiram, but at the very least the moment showed us that this isn’t the optimistic and doe-eyed man we met in the first season.
He’s been through a lot and that’s changed him.
However, while sneaking into Hiram’s room in a completely deserted hospital room (seriously, after they mentioned jobs Hiram rarely go unfinished, you’d think the hospital at least be staffed) he botches Minetta’s plans to off Hiram as a favor to Hermione.
Archie is back on the hero train, y’all!
Veronica was grateful, but she still had a lot to take care of.
She was basically upkeeping the family’s mafia status to prevent the vultures from taking over.
Thankfully, she had Smithers and Reggie to help her with it, and you have to admit there’s something intriguing about Reggie posing as the Man in Black. Is this a possible foreshadowing for what’s to come with Ronnie’s relationship?
The main course constituted of dealing with the Fizzle Rocks factory situation.
Both the prison and the Maple Club were pumping out the drugs, which Hermione claimed to know nothing about.
She told Veronica that the quarantine was a smokescreen to cleanly and swiftly dismantle production, however, Hiram lied to her and consolidated everything into the prison.
Hermione is interested in selling the factory off and getting a good chunk of change, but that doesn’t eliminate the problem — drugs would still continue to be pumped out into Riverdale.
Veronica has a much better idea of just destroying the drugs and the factory altogether. It’s a bold choice as it does basically burn all of Hiram’s investments, not to mention screws out a buyer. I wonder how Hiram will react once he finds out.
Outing Tallboy as the Gargoyle King was pretty lame, but I’m wondering if it was a red herring and Hermione is the real master manipulator.
After Minetta failed to kill Hiram and her plans were thwarted by Archie, FP and Jughead, Hermione ruthlessly had to cut looses ends and shot Minetta point-blank.
Who knew she had it in her?
Kelly Ripa’s appearance as Hiram’s mistress was underwhelming.
Her acting wasn’t good at all, and during her scene with Jughead, I couldn’t concentrate on anything but that.
But also adding her into the narrative simply to explain that she faked the water reports so that Hiram could continue operating his drug factory was lame.
Will see more of her?
Penelope may have inadvertently confessed to being a killer, although serial killer is pushing it, Betty isn’t any better.
In fact, lecturing Penelope was very hypocritical of her since she basically sold out Chic to the Black Hood.
And Penelope made sure to let her know if she turned her in, she would turn Betty in.
I still don’t understand the point of Hal and Betty’s meetings unless they are showing us that Betty’s beginning to understand why people become deranged in crime town.
In the end, everyone was at a stalemate.
Penelope made sure Betty wouldn’t turn her in because if she did, she’d turn Betty in for Chic’s death.
Hermione confessed to everything, but Jughead couldn’t report her because she promised to take his father down with him.
And Archie and Hiram may have made up, but where do they go from here?
Hiram was thankful, obviously, and Archie was so stunned by his own actions, he agreed to a truce.
Do I really think that Hiram would just have a change of heart? He searched near and far to get his hands on Archie so it seems unlikely that he’d just let it all go.
The only way Hiram would let his vendetta go is if he’s benefitting from it in some way.
What has Archie agreed to now?
Archie needs a sense of direction because as it stands, he himself isn’t even sure if he loves or loathes Hiram.
Maybe Josie’s interest in him and his excitement to return to “jamming” out will bring back the old Archie?
If Josie is about to be Archie’s new love interest, I’ll stan it as long as it gives her more free time.
However, she’s too sweet and innocent to corrupt so please don’t go that route!
Are we at the end of Hiram Lodge?
What happens now that Hermione has taken the reigns? And where the hell are those weirdos from The Farm?
Riverdale – The Stranger (3×10)
Hiram Lodge is down. Claudius Blossom is dead. And FP Jones is the new Sheriff in town.
In other words, Riverdale just flipped the script.
It’s about time Hiram’s reign ended, and it was so satisfying that it happened while he was boasting about how he’s “always one step ahead of the game.”
Given the way Hiram was injured — a bow and arrow — my money was on Cheryl Blossom delivering the possibly fatal (oh, who are we kidding? It couldn’t be that easy!) blow.
Cheryl has a motive as Hiram Lodge was technically the reason she and Toni were kicked out of the Southside Serpents.
However, what transpired shortly after Hiram’s hospitalization made me wonder that maybe it was the quietest Lodge of them all?
Of course, I’m referring to Hermione. She’s been difficult to figure out. At times, it seems like she’s disgusted with her husband, other times it seems like she supports him, but when Ronnie questions her, she always tells her daughter that she “has no other choice.”
She’s doing it for the family.
And there’s her motive.
Shortly before the bow pierced Hiram through the heart, he ordered Hermione to select Claudius Blossom as the Sheriff of Riverdale.
When she tried to object, he told her she didn’t have much of a choice. It was threatening and menacing even though Hiram’s disposition never changed.
It’s the first time we’ve ever outwardly seen Hiram act this way towards his wife, but I’m betting it isn’t the first time it’s happened.
We know that his objective has been to put key players in high-power positions around Riverdale to ensure he gets what he wants. Hermione’s Mayoral position seems to be his “get out of jail free” card.
Aside from the motive to protect herself and her family, Hermione also suspiciously connected with FP Jones shortly after Hiram’s accident telling him, “it’s time” before handing over the Sheriff’s torch to him.
Now, it’s a major leap for a man who spent his whole life leading the Serpent’s — and if anyone can handle this job, it’s FP — but it’s not necessarily a step-up when you think about the history of Sheriffs in Riverdale.
Either they are pushed out of office or they end up dead. Claudius Blossom didn’t last a full day as Sheriff before being jailed and murdered.
Speaking of, it seems Riverdale didn’t succeed in finding a purpose for Claudius. Bringing him back as the twin brother of Clifford and Cheryl’s uncle seemed like it was done more for shock value. There was no actual plan for Claudius, he was simply utilized into whatever storyline the writers saw fit until he died being Hiram’s henchman.
Archie’s return to Riverdale couldn’t be more perfectly timed.
Not only did Archie slay Hiram Lodge in a state of hallucinations, but he also returned just as someone else took him out temporarily.
However, the Archie that returned to Riverdale wasn’t the same music-loving, naive kid anymore. He seemed more like a stranger, even to himself, and everyone was noticing.
His return to Riverdale probably wasn’t what he was expecting.
For starters, he was way behind on the SATs, which is almost comical to think about given everything he’s been through.
Watching him study with Betty to pass the test while everyone else — Ronnie, Jughead — took it seriously was such a normal moment for this series, it felt out of place.
When the hell did anyone else have time to study in between fighting the Black Hood, the Gargoyle King, and having their school threatened with a shutdown on a daily basis?
In addition to his education hanging in the balance, Archie’s relationship with Ronnie was rocky at best.
She tried to welcome him back with open arms, pushing aside whatever happened with Reggie, to be there for her man, however, Archie couldn’t appreciate a party thrown for him when he just wrestled a bear and lived out in a cabin in Canada to avoid her father.
There’s no going back from that. His PTSD isn’t the least bit surprising.
Ronnie pulled the trigger on the relationship after adding insult to injury by questioning if Archie had anything to do with her father’s accident.
Seriously, would she really be surprised if he did?
Instead of being there for his since she’s predominantly the reason he’s in this damn mess in the first place, she blamed Archie and then chose Reggie.
Archie was way too understanding in this scene. He gave up everything for her, went through hell and back, and became a target of Hiram’s all so she could just move on with his buddy?
Reggie, you better know what you’re getting into.
Reggie confronted Archie wondering “what the hell was wrong with him,” but good luck coming out of a relationship unscathed by Hiram, the devil incarnate.
I’m sad to see the demise of one of my favorite couples, but it will be interesting to see life post Varchie in Riverdale. What does that look like? Do they remain cordial?
If we didn’t have enough evil looming in Riverdale, Hal Cooper found his way back into the narrative after Betty’s mother gave all of her college money away to The Farm.
Ugh, the damn Farm is getting on my nerves.
What’s worse is that Betty’s money paid for The Farm to take up residency at the SOQM. Like that place needs another cult!
There should be a law that anyone involved in a cult shouldn’t be able to make decisions about their children’s money.
How twisted is it that Betty was so disgusted with her mother, she found comfort in her murder-craving father.
She attempted to have a normal conversation with him, ignoring the fact that he almost killed her and her mother just a few months ago.
Hey, at least Hal was all for signing the paperwork to help Betty out.
Both Hal and Tall Boy were red herrings when it came to unmasking the Gargoyle King, which was super frustrating.
Tall Boy’s involvement was a bit more surprising since we assumed he was dead, but he was obviously just doing the dirty work for someone higher up on the food chain.
Tall Boy seems to have more lives than a cat on this series, however, this time, I’m pretty sure Fangs and Sweet Pea really did kill him.
This would have been problematic if the new Sheriff wasn’t also the former gang leader who would undoubtedly help them cover this up.
Also, you have to wonder what putting a Gang leader as a sheriff will do to the town? At least he won’t be easily manipulated.
Do you think Hermione has bigger plans to phase out Hiram?
Will Jughead accept his father’s new position?
What is happening over at The Farm?
Is Hiram actually dead?
Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
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