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Riverdale

Riverdale – The Outsiders (1×08)

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Things were happening on this week’s Riverdale, including a baby shower for Polly, which once again led to a huge confrontation between the Cooper family and the Blossom family.

Veronica and her mother helped Betty throw a baby shower for her sister at the Lodge residence. Hermione, owing her daughter a favor, agrees to convince Hermione to attend the party and it turns out, her mother isn’t actually as bad as we thought she was. I mean she’s still the one who put her daughter an asylum to keep everyone from finding out she was pregnant with Jason’s baby but still, she showed up to the shower and tried to play nice. That is until the Blossom’s ask Polly to come live with them.

Polly, who may or may not be pregnant with twins (Jason and Cheryl part 2) has enough of the bickering. It just adds fuel to the fire that well, her mother totally abandoned her. Despite Betty’s best efforts in convincing her sister that their mother has learned her lesson, Polly makes the best decision for her and her baby/babies – she moves in with the Blossoms.

How bad does your family have to be that the better choice is to go live with a bunch of psychopaths? As Polly enters their estate, the look on Penelope’s says it all – this girl has no idea what she’s getting herself into.

 

Meanwhile, at the Cooper household, Alice finally starts using her brain and kicks out Hal after she finds out her offered to help Polly get rid of her mistake the same way he helped her seemingly get rid of their first child. I always thought that Alice was the villain in the story but it seems like the father did more damage than she did.

When Jughead isn’t helping out with baby stuff, he’s helping Fred and Archie. Fred’s in quite a pickle when his whole construction company is offered a job by the Blossom’s. Without anyone there to work on the drive-in land, he’s bound to lose the contract. That is until Archie and Jughead bring a team of friends to help out.

Things seem to be going well until the end of the day, when Moose is attacked by some dudes in hoodies who have a message for Fred – stop construction or they’ll keep screwing things up for him.

Fred is convinced that the Blossom’s are responsible but Archie thinks its the Serpents. In fact, he decides to prove it by using Kevin’s boyfriend, who is a serpent, and getting into a bar so that they could identify the attacks. Sound plan for sure, especially because he wears his letterman jacket to a bar run by a gang. I mean…. seriously.

Jughead tries to stop them from going and Archie soon learns why – his father is a SERPENT. Alright, we totally knew that so it isn’t that surprising to us but Archie feels completely betrayed that his friend didn’t tell him. So betrayed, he crashes a baby shower to confront him. #Classy.

Now, considering that Jason was dealing drugs for the Serpent’s right before his death, Betty wants to ask Jughead’s dad a few questions. He tells them that when they didn’t hear from him, he ran away with the money. That is until they found his body. Jughead then asks the question – did his dad kill Jason? Obviously he says no but that might not actually be the truth.

We’ve already seen Jason’s letterman jacket inside F.P’s closet and once Jughead leaves, Joaquin stops by to get rid of the evidence. Turns out, his romance with Kevin was all a setup so that they find out if the Sheriff was onto them. Uh…. not good!

The next day, F.P and his gangsters show up at Fred’s construction site to “fill in” as workers. At first I assumed that F.P sent his goons to attack Moose so that they could get the job but then he drops the bombshell – it was actually Hiram’s men. Apparently, someone informed him of her romance with Fred and he was NOT pleased. Dare we say Veronica outed her mom?

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Riverdale

Riverdale – The Tell-Tale Heart (2×13)

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Riverdale The Tell-Tale Heart

Riverdale has been all over the place as of late. It’s latest obsession? The mob movie genre. Just the right amount of noir elements mixed with the beloved teen drama tropes.

And these teens? They’re less worried about math class and more about whether or not someone will find the dead body they just helped their mom bury and if the FBI agent will dig up something to incriminate their parents.

In other words, it’s another day in this deliciously bad town.

The series thrives on unexpected, out of control, almost lunatic twists, which is one of the main reasons we love it so much.

Without dragging on the mystery of FBI agent Adams any longer, the series revealed that he wasn’t a government agent but rather a capo working for the Lodge’s to test Archie’s loyalty.

Finally, some sense to the out-of-place storyline. Archie’s still the dumbest of the group, but at least he acted accordingly and saved both his and his dads’ ass.

The reveal wasn’t entirely shocking, although my jaw did drop because THEY DID THAT. Let’s forget about it being a set-up for a minute though, the real question is what do they have planned for Archie now that he’s proven to be worthy?

More shocking than the obvious reveal that Adams is a fake-out was that Hiram wasn’t the mob boss in charge, it was actually Hermione.

All those looks and glances? It’s been her.

The call to take out Poppa Poutine? Probably also her. We’ve been vilifying the wrong person this whole time because Hiram is so outspoken and commanding. Instead, he’s her puppet. This is definitely not the same Hermione from season one.

We assumed it was because Hiram was back calling the shots, it seems like we never truly knew her to begin with.

There have been numerous, plausible theories that kept the viewers in the dark about the shady, now fake, agent; some thought he was a figment of Archie’s imagination (I blame his pale skin), some guessed he was working for the Lodges (close), still some thought he really was just trying to bring justice to the corruption by harassing a teen (unlikely).

The episode threw a wrench into that imaginary agent theory when Adams paid Fred a little visit to really motivate Archie into giving him something credible. If Fred can see him, he must be a real person. /

But a real agent? We were always skeptical. I’d assume the FBI had better ways of handling an informant, they probably wouldn’t go after a minor without his father’s consent and they’d never actually attempt to blackmail someone to get their way.

Seeing how the series revealed such a minor mystery further proves my theory that we have not found the actual Black Hood. Every other mystery personally affects multiple residents of Riverdale, yet the Black Hood was wrapped up into a tiny neat boy and the town never spoke of it again. I’m with Archie here — I’m not too sure we actually got the guy. Based on that promo for the next episode, the Black Hood finally strikes again. He laid low enough for the residents to feel safe again before coming back to finish what he started.

Except since his last attack, everyone has committed more sins and gotten themselves into way more trouble. Archie is no longer just running a retaliation gang at school, he’s been welcomed into the Lodge family and getting training under two of the biggest mob bosses in town. And he’s loyal. Veronica may have wanted to keep him out of the shady business dealings so he’ll remain her “light,” but that light is getting snuffed out.

Betty is a murderer, sort-of. We’ll get to that. Veronica is looped into the family business so she’s been manipulating nearly everyone in school, including Mayor McCoy. And Juggy? He’s pledged his allegiance to a gang that puts family over everything. And the Serpent’s, well, they fight until the last moment.

This group isn’t the same, cowardly and easily manipulated group of kids that the Black Hood first encountered. They’re a force to be reckoned with.

Bloody-murder. There is really no other name for what happened at Betty’s house, which is what the relatively unhinged, yet forcibly sweet blonde dealt with throughout the episode.

Betty will do anything to save her loved ones; her fiercely protective side is one of the things we love most about her. So when she stumbled upon Alice cleaning up blood in the kitchen, she didn’t think twice before getting her hands all dirty.

Should Alice have involved her in any of it? No. Should Betty have called the police right away? Of course. Should they be protecting someone named Chic that they know an scare amount about? Hell no!

But logical decisions have never made for good television you guys!

Before Hal arrives to pick up some “toiletries” because there’s clearly no 24-7 Walgreens in town, the ladies get down to cleaning. He’s suspicious of the bleach smell, but Alice chalks it up to some tomato paste she didn’t want to stain. Alice, girl, that makes no sense.

Betty may have a dark side, but she also has a conscience. The act of murder understandably haunted her dreams and invaded every crevice of her brain so she was barely able to function let alone eat a bowl of cereal without flinching.

Her inability to forget and move on actually saved them because it allowed her to find “shady dudes” phone, which led to the discovery that “shady dude” was Chic’s drug dealer, who he called that night.

Don’t judge me on this but I don’t trust Chic for one second. He’s become way too comfortable with becoming a Cooper and going from motel web-camming to nightly dinners with mommy just aren’t normal.

There was one moment where Chic seemed a little too pleased with the fact that Betty and Alice were so tortured by the murder and fighting. It’s almost as if this was his plan, part one of some epic takedown. Considering Alice gave him away and made his childhood hell, while deciding to keep Betty and give her a comfortable home, I can’t say I blame the guy. But trying to ruin someone who is making an effort? That’s deranged, even in Riverdale.

Betty crumbles under the pressure and tells Jughead now making him an accessory. She may have only told him because she felt bad for completely forgetting about their first time together and making him feel inadequate. Jughead’s reaction is of pure terror; he loves anything to do with serial killers but this is too close for comfort.

He’s adamant that Betty should tell the police, but quickly realizes just how easy it is to get caught up in all the illegalities.

Also — covering up a murder takes a lot of work. Just don’t kill people!

Jughead proves to be ride-or-die as he helps her dispose of the “shady dudes” car and phone.

By that point, everyone, including Alice, is cracking as they realize they’re in way over their heads and don’t actually know a damn thing about covering up a murder.

They turn to someone with a little more expertise in the field: F.P Jones.

He isn’t pleased with Alice bringing the kids in on all of this, but he won’t let them all make the same mistake he made with Jason Blossom. Let’s just allow that to sink in. This dude is helping people clean up a murder because he learned from his first go-around.

Maybe the Black Hood really was onto something when he came to rid this town of sins? Y’all a damn mess!

I’m not going to lie, I learned a thing or two from F.P. who covered the whole body in some sodium hydroxide. Enjoy your milkshake.

Riverdale is the only show that can get away with Pop’s being a place that people come for milkshakes, first dates, late night studying and murder scheming.

We all saw F.P grabbing Alice’s hand to comfort her right? They are totally getting back together. It won’t be long before Alice is sliding into her Serpent jacket again. And F.P will really put Chic into place — unless he’s his real father — unlike Hal.

Hal is such a hypocrite, who is most likely unsure of what he’s really doing with his life. He’s sleeping around with Penelope and not even being discreet. Cheryl figured it out and it wasn’t long before she told Betty who in-turn used it to get him off of Chic’s back.

I need him to give me a valid reason for constantly harassing Chic other than not trusting him. None of us trust him Hal, but you think leaving your wife and daughter with him alone in the house while you go sleep with Penelope (ew!) is going to keep them safe? Boy, bye.

Mayor McCoy found out the Lodge’s wanted to speed up their development on the Southside and since she was becoming an obstacle, threatened to expose her affair with Sheriff Keller to have her discredited.

Veronica has fully embraced her role of her parents secret weapon and warned McCoy beforehand so she could gracefully step down.

Seeing Veronica dig her way in deeper into the family business is concerning, but at least she’s doing everything to minimize the potential fallout.

This show is a delicious mess, right down to its core. There’s scandal, murder, mob dealings, a town feud, and that’s just a Wednesday afternoon.

 

 

 

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Riverdale

Riverdale – The Wicked and the Divine (2×12)

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Riverdale The Wicked and the Divine

Season one introduced us to the syrupy sex-infused strange small town. So many S’s.

The only way you could describe it was “Riverdale.” It had this essence about it; this quirkiness found in ghastly horror comedies.

And that’s why we loved it. But there comes a point when something becomes “too much.” Season 2 is the perfect example of Riverdale crossing the line into weirdly, funky, unenticing Riverdale.

These teens aren’t simply attending school and attending cheer/football practice. They’re juggling way too much for any 16-year-old. Betty is webcaming before school, Veronica is dipping her hands into the dirty family business, Archie is assisting an FBI agent, Jughead is trying to sink his fangs further into the Serpents, Kevin is probably still frequenting the woods and Cheryl is missing in action. Like I said, a lot is happening.

And I didn’t even touch the adults, who are by far worse than the teenagers.

Let’s see, Hiram Lodge is literally caring more about what Archie thinks of him than about anything else. No one knows what Fred’s really up to these days, but it seems business is churning. As for Betty’s parents, well, Hal gave Alice an ultimatum and she chose Chic so he packed up his bags and went to some generic version of AirBnb. Poor Hal. At least now he has a place to hide out with Penelope Blossom. Still gross.

Bizzare occurrences are the norm in this town, however, nothing was weirder than Veronica denouncing Satan without actually shunning Hiram Lodge and partnering up with Josie to sing Bittersweet Symphony at her confirmation. It does NOT get more Riverdale than that.

Well, unless you take into consideration Veronica’s weird confession, where she tried to confess all her sins. And really, she didn’t even touch the tip of the iceberg here.

The event was an excuse to gather the Lodge’s closest family + all of Hiram’s mafia boys under one roof. Obviously, mayhem was inevitable and that FBI agent, who is slowly convincing me that he’s a real person, couldn’t be more thrilled. Especially when he found out that Archie scored an exclusive invite to Hiram’s poker game at Pop’s. Is there really no other lowkey place to do pull off illegal shenanigans than the place were innocent souls come for a milkshake and some murder?

Hiram wanted someone he could “trust” to help out with the poker game, which to me was a red-flag that Hiram doesn’t trust Archie at all. And Archie wants the scoop so he obliged.

This time around, Archie wasn’t a complete fail in snooping. While unclogging toilets — that’s the kind of tutelage Hiram’s shepherding provides — he overheard some mobsters talk about how Hiram’s gone soft “post prison” in this town. Their plan is to take him out after Veronica’s confirmation.

Obviously, as Veronica was flaunting her innocence in church, Archie couldn’t help but focus on the mobsters, who were conspiring THE WHOLE TIME. Don’t they know it’s rude to talk during a service?

While Archie’s been rubbing elbows with Hiram and the likes, Veronica has been stressing out about corrupting Archie, who is her beacon in the night. Too late girl, he’s already in too deep. She initially objects to Archie attending to the poker game, but Archie assures her he’ll simply be serving water. Sweet little naive Archie-kins.

During the reception, Veronica orders Hiram not to bring Archie into family business…. ever. He agrees to honor his daughter’s wishes but soon, she seems them slipping into the elevator and into his study.

Archie’s alliances seemingly shifted when he overheard that Hiram’s guys were turning on him so he let him know before it was too late. This is further proof that Archie hasn’t been getting close to Hiram simply because the FBI agent ordered it but because he really wants to impress his girlfriend’s dad.

I don’t really know what Archie thought would happen after he told Hiram the truth. Obviously, he would send his goons to take out the problem, right? I think Archie realized the severity of the whole situation at that point and decided to lie to the FBI agent. If Hiram found out that he’s been working to take him down, he would be next in line for a beheading. Not even the FBI could protect him… especially not this ghostly excuse for an agent!

Archie isn’t the only one to see Hiram Lodge for who he really is. Jughead also sees the light while trying to get to the bottom of who really cut off General Pickens’ head.

The Serpents really have no respect in this town; I’m surprised they still stick around.

First, their school gets shut down to silently make room for Hiram’s SoDale project. Then, they’re ordered to vacate their trailer park because of outstanding rent and what not. It’s illegal Betty tells us and Juggy agrees, but there’s not much they can do considering Mayor McCoy has been compromised by the Lodge’s. Basically, Hiram is running this town.

The Serpent’s blame Jughead for all of their bad fortune because his expose, which got him and Betty suspended from the paper, riled everyone up. Penny returned with a vengeance but before she could offer her legal services, she needed an eye-for-an-eye. Basically, to have Jughead booted for breaking Serpent Law and the removal of his tattoo, with a dirty blade.

All of this even led FP to declare that “Jughead would be the end of them,” which is fair, honestly. Jughead has been pretty hypocritical this season. When living with Archie, he was anti-Southside, but all of a sudden, he thinks he can rule the Serpents. Still, he knows that the town turning their backs on them isn’t because of anything he’s written; it’s been a long time coming.

Betty suggests they find the source of the problem and cut off the snake’s head. Someone graciously replies to their poster and they find the head in a dump. The owner even confirms that the person who brought it in was Tall Boy, the one causing this mess in the first place.

FP, Jughead and Betty confront Tallboy in front of everyone and he admits that he beheaded the statue to get rid of Jughead and FP and claim ownership of the gang with Penny. The tables turn and everyone casts their vote to eliminate Tallboy. I was convinced Tallboy was the Black Hood, but his sloppy work proves that it definitely isn’t him.

Betty feels so liberated and decides to go all the way with Jughead finally. It bothers me that she expects him to be honest and he is, admitting that he’d “done stuff” with Toni since they broke up, but she lies straight to his face about the kiss with Archie and the Dark Betty coming out to play.

Her bliss is shortlived because when she arrives home, she finds Northsider Alice Cooper trying to remove a dead body. Y’all, the Coopers are out of control. Here’s what we know: Alice and Chic were spending some “family time” together when some random dude came to the door and asked for Chic. The next thing we know, he’s bleeding out on the kitchen floor and momma bear is cleaning up the mess. I’m pretty sure, this is the stuff the Black Hood wanted to eliminate.

Betty and her family just went full “dark” mode. And Alice definitely has to have Serpent blood in her to be so calm after committing a murder.

So yeah, lot’s going on including two murders! Why did Alice kill rando dude? Will Jughead and Archie quarrel about Hiram Lodge? Why did Betty lie about kissing Archie? Are there still feelings there? Why was it a thing only to not be a thing? Will Veronica and Archie continue seeing each other? Will the FBI agent ever prove that he’s legit?!

And where the hell was Cheryl? So much was going on in this town, you would think she’d have some bitchy one-liners to throw our way!

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Riverdale

Riverdale – The Wrestler (2×11)

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Riverdale The Wrestler

Old wounds are made new again on Riverdale and I cannot tell who is racking up the most uncool points: Jughead or Archie.

Back in season one, it seemed like everything Archie touched turned to gold. Now, it seems like he’s simply losing it.

He signed up to be a federal snitch in a case being made against Hiram Lodge but when he failed to deliver anything of value, his excuse was simply “I was playing basketball.”

Archie consistently teeters between wanting to play in the world with the adults do and wanting to be a teen. Even this week, he tries to one-up Hiram, but also tries out for the wrestling team. Veronica leads him to believe that it’ll impress his father, but it only drives a bigger wedge between them, with Hiram driving it home that Archie isn’t good enough for his daughter.

It may have been comforting to know that Archie isn’t good at everything… but it quickly became evident that he’s really not good at much.

At some point, it stopped being about Archie getting close to Hiram for the case and became about Archie wanting to impress Hiram. When he offers him a sort of “internship” with the business, I can’t tell if Archie is interested because he wants to take him down or because he’s been accepted to sit at the table with the adults, something Ronnie has been doing for some time now.

Between music, basketball, wrestling, his internship and his agreement with the FBI, I don’t Archie even knows where his priorities lie.

Is the fed even real?  Because the only thing that I’m saying is a dude who claims to be a federal agent and we’re supposed to believe it because of the ominous office lighting. Give me a break. There’s enough surrealness happening in Riverdale that we don’t just believe things at face value.

Now, onto Jughead, who is also starting up the worst civil war that Riverdale’s ever seen between the North Side and the South Side. It’s literally like Westside Story only with Serpents. This week’s episode focused on Pickens Day, an annual celebration in town where people are all hurrah about Riverdale. Why? I have no idea… the town still mystifies me.

However, Jughead, the truth-wielding journalist, rains on everyone’s parade when he uncovers that General Picks, under the orders of Cheryl’s Blossom’s ancestors, actually slaughtered the Utenka tribe (the pre-Serpents, the OG Southside) to gain control of some land, the river that eventually carried the dead Jason Blossom, and some land.

While there’s much fallout, it’s also cool to actually get some backstory to the hated gang and find out why it was formed. It’s definitely more about family and blood than it is about causing trouble. I can respect it.

After chatting with Toni’s grandfather, and the eldest living Serpent, he decides to write an expose in Riverdale’s newspaper. It backfires because obviously, it isn’t his story to tell. So instead, the Serpent’s rally a silent protest during the Picken’s Day celebrations, which the Lodge’s are using as a promotion for their SoDale project and a symbol of unity for both sides.

Hiram is peeved by the intrusion but plays off of it nicely, encouraging a community where everyone feels like they can speak up. Bla bla bla is all I heard and apparently, all Jughead heard. He’s really taken a disliking to the North Side, which is understandable to some extent. But why create so many enemies? Once again, way over his head.

The most enjoyable part of all of this was seeing some humanity instilled in Cheryl Blossom, who was utterly disgusted to find out that her whole family history, her wealth and her stature all stood on the graves of the slaughtered men, women and children. Who would have thunk to see Cheryl standing in solidarity with Jughead when it was just last week that she couldn’t stand the mere sight of a Serpent in her hallways.

Really, it seems like most of the students in this town are in way over their heads.

We mentioned that Veronica was dabbling in the family business and actually enjoying it. Some adults, cough Mayor McCoy, didn’t seem to pleased with how the Lodge’s were using their daughter however and that trickled down to some of Ronnie’s friendships, mainly with Josie. Initially, Veronica was upset that Josie turned her back on her, but she’s a Lodge and instead of crying about it, she seized the opportunity. At the festivities, she appeared on stage as “Veronica and the Pussycats,” completely riding Josie out of her own band. Ice. Cold.

Even sweet innocent Betty is getting mixed up in all the wrong things. She finally admits that she brought Chic into her life to see if he could help her deal with the darkness inside. You knew the return of Dark Betty was coming and Chic is here to help her assimilate it seems.

Betty seemed more fascinated than disgusted to find out that Chic was a webcam guy. Props to her for not judging, but I think the old Betty would definitely not be as accepting. Chic finally admitted that he too felt the darkness inside and used webcamming as a way to escape and become different people. He even offers to show her a thing or two, which honestly, is the best form sibling bonding, right?

Can I really sit here and say I’m okay with Betty doing webcam sex? Nope, I really cannot. I also want some clarification as to where this darkness stems from. Yet, it explains why she’s been so attracted to Jughead, who is a metaphorical representation of the darkness in town.

In the end, someone declared major war and by someone, we mean the Serpents because that’s who Hiram is blaming the beheading of the Picken’s statute. My money is on Penny Peabody because Livewire died on Supergirl, she need something to do, you feel me?

Elsewhere, Cheryl’s mother has taken her job of providing comfort to the men of Riverdale way too seriously. And comfort is code for sex if you didn’t catch on by all of Cheryl’s dirty looks. It’s bad enough that the Cooper’s and the Blossom’s already have a messy history, especially with those cousin babies, but now Hal and Penelope are going to be fwb’s? As Cheryl would say, “gross.”

I’m befuddled by Hal’s resentment towards Chic. Anyone would be pissed to welcome a stranger into their home, especially one with such a peculiar career, but this is supposed to be his son. Wouldn’t he feel some remorse for forcing Alice to give him up all those years ago? Why does he keep trying to kick him to the curb? Something isn’t right here.

Look, maybe it’s just me, but I feel like Riverdale has been losing touch with reality and losing grip on what little sanity it had left. How did we go from getting milkshakes at Pop’s and trying to figure out who the Black Hood is, to this?

Why are so many storylines left hanging so that it almost doesn’t feel like the same show? Why is it okay for a grown man to launch a public rivalry with a teenager and no one bats an eye?

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