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Riverdale – Primary Colors (2×16)

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Riverdale finally revealed what we all already knew — Chic isn’t Hal’s son. Hence, Hal’s distaste for Chic was actually logical.

Another thing we already knew? Chic is creepy as all hell. And he’ll do anything to ruin Betty in whatever twisted plan he has for the Cooper family.

After Dark Betty threatened him, he went and told Alice all about it and even dug up Betty’s wig, which he told her mother she uses when she has sex with Jughead.

To echo Betty’s disgust, “how would you even know that?” That alone raised Chic’s creep factor to level 300.

Alice was less upset about her daughter having sex and more upset about the fact that it was with a Jones boy because “she knows how charming they can be.”

Yep, Alice admitted to having a relationship with FP but swore up and down that he isn’t Chic’s father. Yeah okay, Alice.

I’m willing to bet that Chic actually knows who his father is!

Things aren’t much calmer at the Lodge mansion where Hermione is doing everything in her power to secure her mayoral bid. It seems Hiram is making use of his purchase of The Register as Hal is conducting an interview with pre-written questions that paint Hermione is a nice light.

Hermione and Hiram ask Veronica to “keep her head down” and stay out of the spotlight until elections are over because, at this point, everyone hates her family. Being low key doesn’t come naturally to Roni though. First Ethel threw a milkshake in her face (dang, Ethel), then Veronica punched Chuck after he made a snide comment about her father being locked up in the prisons he was building, and then she decided to run for student council with Betty by her side.

Veronica convinced Josie to give her a “celebrity endorsement” much like Andy Cohen’s unnecessary one for Hermione Lodge (yay, you know famous people, we should totally vote for you!). And she happily obliged after Veronica promised to get her a guest-appearance on Watch What Happens Live (yah, ok!).

However, Veronica underestimated Josie. Why would she help her after everything her family has done to her and her mother?

So it definitely wasn’t a surprise when she ended up being the one that steered Ethel into handing out flyers with “facts” about Veronica and her corrupt family during the performance. Veronica really thought that she could just bribe Ethel with some whack promise of a job at the new prison. Yes, Roni, thank you for saving our defunct town. Everyone wants the Lodges to pay for what they’ve done and continue to do to this town, including Betty, who was Veronica’s strongest supporter until she was blindsided by all of her lies. V knew what her parents were planning all along.

Really, the only person Veronica has in her corner at this point is Archie and that might change if his mother has anything to do with it.

Mary returned to town to help Fred get out of his iron-clad contract with Hiram. Negotiations didn’t go well but Archie, who thinks he has some power over Hiram since they are blood brothers, asked him to release his father.

Hiram did but in turn, Archie had to go and thwart Jughead’s hunger strike (ha! he’s always eating) and protest of Southside High in front of everyone. Not only did Archie look like Hiram’s little puppet, he also kickstarted a war with his only friend.

“I want them to see you do it,” Jughead said establishing that Archie is on the wrong side of history. If everyone is against Hiram, why does he still think he’s doing the right thing?

I love that Jughead was called out for his sudden devotion to the Southside because I’ve been saying that for quite some time. Yet his reasoning really put his motives in perspective for me. He may have just transferred to the school, but he grew up on the Southside. That’s where all of his memories with his family as a whole are; it’s home. Sorry for ever doubting you, kid!

Even his mother knocks some sense into Archie when she tells him that Hiram may seem all-powerful but he shouldn’t be turning his back on those that have always been there, namely his father who has done everything to provide for his family.

And since Fred has decided to run for mayor on his own terms with Mary by his side, Archie will find himself in quite a bind. Which family does he support? He did make that blood-pact to stand by the Lodges no matter what.

Fred isn’t the only one trying to stand up for what he believes in. After his altercation with Archie and Betty’s fallout with Veronica, the two decide to run for student council together.

If they don’t stand up for something, they’ll fall for anything.

Let’s hope their platform is a winning one.

In addition to being running mates, Betty is also moving in because she can’t go home to her prison of a home anymore. A prison she created herself might I remind you.

How will Alice react to that? She’s obviously not a fan of Betty’s relationship with Juggy and she’s delusional because she thinks Chic’s intentions are actually pure.

Meanwhile, he’s basically untouchable and he made sure of it by allowing Alice and Betty to deal with the murder and get their prints all over the body while he stood by on the sidelines.

If they even try to take him down, he can go to the police and incriminate them. Oh boy, ladies, what have you done?

Remember when Penelope and Claudius talked about eliminating Nana Rose and Cheryl and Cheryl overheard them?

Well, she had every right to become paranoid about what they would do. It seems like not even a house full of girls for a sleepover could hinder their plans of taking the Blossom money for themselves.

As Cheryl talks about how her home is a prison, something Betty can definitely relate to, she tells the girls everything. And if you thought she was making it up, the fact that Nana Rose fell down a flight of stairs shortly after is proof enough. Or should I say pushed down the stairs?

At the hospital, the doctor tells Cheryl that there are traces of tannis root in her system. Rosemary’s Baby much?

Cheryl wants to tell the doctor that her mother is trying to eliminate her, but Penelope sweeps right in.

Their car ride is ominous, especially when Penelope tells Cheryl she leaves her no choice and “they’re going to make you all better.”

Turns out, Penelope is really homophobic and when she realized Cheryl was getting close to another girl, she used that as an excuse to send her daughter to “boarding school in Switzerland,” which is code for some asylum where Cheryl is sitting in pigtails and the nurse plans to “rid her of all the naughty demons and unnatural thoughts” with conversion therapy.

Alright, they’ve done it, that is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen on The CW.

Do you think she’s been committed to Sisters of Quiet Mercy?

And don’t expect Toni to go gently into that dark night — she’s going to bring out the girls to look for Cheryl. She knows better than to underestimate Penelope.

It’s nice to see Cheryl have someone in her corner for once.

Other Thoughts

  • Do girls really have sleepovers where they braid each others hair in a line?
  • Cheryl referring to Betty as “cousin Betty” was hilarious.
  • Is Claudius really Clifford’s twin or did Clifford fake his own death and is now posing as his brother? Or is Penelope now sleeping with Claudius hence the “he’s wearing my father’s pajamas” comment?
  • I cannot believe Kevin sold Betty out about the catfishing. Is he so desperate for love he’s willing to trust Chic? Hoes before bros Kev!
  • Hiram still thinks he can just buy everyone’s love even FP and Jughead’s. Offering them the penthouse in his new low-income housing? What’s the catch?

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