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Riverdale

Riverdale – When a Stranger Calls (2×05)

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Two lovers, torn apart by neighborhood rivalries; the Northside vs. the Southside.

Sounds a lot like Romeo and Juliet, doesn’t it? I hope Jughead and Betty’s love story has a happier ending, but with all the chaos that ensued this week, it doesn’t seem likely.

The Black Hood continues to reign terror down on the stick town of Riverdale. But a small town has a different version of “terror” because if you think about it, Black Hood has only actually killed one person.

Instead, he’s veered into playing mind games with Betty, who really needs to let that terrifying “Lollipop” ringtone die a slow death.

Everything that took place between Betty and BH, as I like to call him, cemented my theory that the masked killer is actually her father Hal. Black Hood called her up to tell her that he’s pretty much obsessed with her and wants her all to herself. Then, he threatened to kill everyone she cared about, including Polly, unless she removed them all from her life.

Disturbed? Yes. But think about it – how would he know so much about Polly unless he was living under the same roof as Betty. Hal sees all because he is a Cooper. Now, we must establish his motive.

First, let’s start with Veronica. Obviously, the Cooper’s have a lot of bad blood with the Lodge’s so having Betty be best friends with Veronica probably isn’t ideal. BH forced B to cut ties with her V in order to prove her loyalty and Betty did so in the meanest way possible by belittling Ronnie and basically saying she’s no better than her criminal father.

V was tripping hard on some Jingle Jangle so thankfully, she didn’t really take it to heart. But Archie witnessed it, as did most of Riverdale’s finest, and knew that Betty wasn’t acting in the right mindset. Sure enough, she revealed that BH was still making calls and testing her loyalty. It wasn’t enough that she outed her mother as a Serpent in The Register. Also, can we just say Alice is the biggest hypocrite there ever was? Yet, I’m intrigued; what did she do in her heyday, when and how did she cut ties with the serpents, who was she sleeping with, is Betty’s mystery brother actually FP’s son!?

Next up on Black Hood’s list is Jughead. Obviously, there’s some tension between them already since he’s officially transferred schools. Anyone else notice that he still hasn’t been placed with a foster family and is just living all by himself in the trailer and joining a gang? Not that it matters because we know Juggie is capable of taking care of himself, even though his decision-making skills aren’t the best.

While Betty kept her dealings with the Black Hood a secret from him because she thought she was protecting him, Jughead kept his decision to join the Serpent’s officially from her. They were both going through their own initiations; Betty to establish loyalty with BH, Jughead to establish loyalty with the Serpents.

He kept telling himself that he would join the gang to keep the peace like his father had done, but something tells me Jughead’s interested in just “fitting in” and having a group that’s ride or die for him. And that’s no joke; after you make the decision to join, you can have to be willing to die for them because they will die for you.

The final portion of the hazing includes getting the shit beat out of you by your so-called “brothers and sisters.” It’s definitely hard to see Jughead go down this path but the change has been happening for weeks now, we just didn’t want to believe it. And seeing him rep his Southside attire made him really hot.

Since BH ordered Betty to break up with Jughead, she sent in Archie to do her dirty work. He warned her that they might lose Jughead forever but she was certain that this was irreversible. After seeing him be so cold to Archie, I don’t think it’ll be that easy. Understandably so because in his eyes, Betty didn’t even have the nerve to break up with him herself. I just hate to think that the two strongest characters on the show, who trusted each other completely, are going to be feuding now.

Betty didn’t follow BH’s orders without getting something in return. Each time she did what he asked, she was able to ask a question. So while his identity is still a big question mark, at least we know Betty would recognize his face. If that doesn’t scream “Hal Cooper” to you, I don’t know what does. BH says he was at the town hall meeting but we never saw Hal there. He knew that Betty’s favorite childhood book was Nancy Drew.

Instead of revealing his identity in the final phase, BH led Betty to an abandoned house where he forced her to put the mask on and face herself. He wanted to prove to Betty that they are “the same,” and not only did she look just like Hal in the mask but it would make sense why they’d be “similar.” Although once again, what is his motive?

When BH realized or finally admitted that he knew that Betty was telling Archie everything, he once again threatened to kill Polly, in a gruesome way. As she begged to spare her sister, he asked for another name of someone who deserved what was coming. At first, Betty was hesitant — how could she just lead someone to their death to pay for their sins. But when pressured she offered up Veronica’s friend Nick St. Clair.

Now look, Fred, Midge and Moose might have been up to no good, but it was never at the level of seriousness that rape is. Nick was basically the TV version of every man in Hollywood right now. He came to town with his parents and Veronica’s initiation into a role at Lodge industries required her to butter him up so his parents made the deal.

Except things took a turn for the worse when Nick began showing his true colors. Drugs were the first warning sign, him coming on to V and calling her a tease even when she said ‘no’ was a major second sign. And it all led to him drugging Cheryl and leading her stumbling body into a room where he was going to take advantage of her.

Thankfully, Veronica and the Pussycats saw it happen and stormed into the room just in time to kick some ass. I’m usually not a proponent of violence but in this case, he had it coming. So in a sense, he was just BH bait this whole time.

Why is Veronica hanging out with these kinds of people? We know she has a bad-girl past but drugs and skeezy dudes? Come on Vee!

While I’m glad Cheryl got a storyline, I still need them to find a way to utilize her a little better.

And of course, the final nail in the Bughead coffin was when Jughead revealed that Betty broke up with him and Toni swooped right in and kissed him. I tried to hate her, I really did but she’s not a bad person. She’s a different breed than Betty; she grew up tougher and she connects with Jughead on a mental level. It’s obvious that she’s been very attracted to him since day one but respected his relationship. Seeing him become one of her own and finding out he was single finally opened the door to make her move. Do I hate that Jughead is in the arms of another woman right after breaking up with Betty without even calling her to clarify her motives? Of course but can you blame the guy? He’s been forced to become the very thing he tried so hard not to be.

Thoughts on this week’s Riverdale? Who do you think Black Hood is? If it isn’t Hal, another theory is that the masked killer is Betty’s brother Chic and she’s part of it as Dark Betty, her dissociative personality alter ego, which was saw in season 1. Remember when she told Jughead that there was this evil inside of her and she didn’t know how to control it? Well, this might be why; she doesn’t even remember switching to this alter ego! But everything that BH knows is what Betty would somehow know or things she’d have access to. And it would really explain the “we are the same” part.

I also wonder if BH ships Betty and Archie. He seemed rather upset that she was telling Archie everything they’d talked about but he didn’t really punish her for it. Therefore, maybe he wanst Jug and Vee out of the picture so these two could be?

Are you a fan of the darker, and often times, spookier Riverdale? Are you rooting for Toni and Jug?

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Riverdale

Riverdale – A Night To Remember (2×18)

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Riverdale A Night To Remember

Welcome to Carrie the musical, bitches.

I’m really not a fan of musicals because let’s face it, they can be a trainwreck but like most things, this horror-musical worked all too well in the quirky, murderous town of Riverdale.

Who knew this town and its resident wholly embodied the thriller’s characters?

There was Alice, the worried and abandoned mother; Veronica, the rich, entitled mean girl; Archie, the hero who lost his way but always did the right thing in the end; Betty, the good girl next door; and of course, Cheryl, the girl who has faced years of abuse from her diabolical mother.

Any mother who doesn’t let her daughter participate in after-school activities is the definition is the worst. 

Part of why the musical worked so well is because the writers found a way to tell the story authentically through the episode.

Strange occurrences started happening around the original Carrie, Cheryl’s brush with death when the sandbag almost took her out, just like in the film.

At first, everyone chocked it up to simple coincidence or a student scorned about not getting the part.

Then, notes from the Black Hood started appearing, although, once again, it was a fake-out because we all know the hooded-figure wouldn’t actually spend time cutting out letters from a magazine. What kind of sicko would emulate the town’s worst killer for their own amusement?

Ethel was the number one suspect and while I can see her going to those lengths, especially as she was vying for Cheryl’s part in the first place, I don’t think she actually had it in her to murder.

Because, of course, this is a horror-movie inspired episode and much like in the musical, things took a violent, dark and unexpected turn except this time, it was Midge as Carrie who became the victim.

Yes, we’ve dealt with murder before but that scene was terrifying; the stuff of nightmares!

Obviously, the question of “who-dun-it” lingers and will carry over into the following episode.

I’m going to put my detective cap on quickly and say that whoever wanted Cheryl out of the picture knew that Midge was her understudy. Cheryl was never the target, they just needed to spook Kevin off enough so that he would replace her. Midge was always the target,

Therefore, it couldn’t have been Ethel because her feud was with Cheryl. I’d see her going to great lengths to punish Veronica but not Midge so I’m eliminating her from my suspect list.

Before the show kicked off, there was a minor but tense moment between Fangs and Midge in the dressing room. It almost seemed as if Kevin had walked it on his boyfriend and Midge hooking up which would give him a motive, but I don’t think Kevin would kill a fly.

However, shortly after, we saw Moose angrily darting through the hallway and pushing Jughead out of the way. Since Moose is Midge’s boyfriend, maybe he found out about the affair and “took care of it.”

We also can’t rule out creepy-as-hell Chic since he was backstage when he wasn’t supposed to be and was the only one who was sitting calmly in the panicked audience at the end of the episode in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment.

I don’t really think Chic would have anything to gain from crucifying Midge like that but you never know.

If Betty is so spooked by her own brother, why did she invite him in the first place?

Jughead’s terribly-recorded footage will likely play a huge role in finding out who the murderer was. At least all of his hard work will pay off and he’ll even get a good high-school musical turned murder documentary out of it. I’m sure he could sell it to Netflix.

And don’t worry, just cause Midge didn’t get to wear the iconic blood-drenched prom dress doesn’t mean it was completely omitted from the episode.

Cheryl, whose middle name may as well be Carrie at this point, finally took back control of her life. For some time, it seemed like Cheryl had lost her edge, but Toni was there to remind her that she once burned down Thornhill so she could take on a bully like her mother.

And Cheryl marched right in, covered in blood, threatening to set fire to everything again if she didn’t get what she wanted — emancipation and Thistlehouse. Oh, and Nana Rose because obviously, she wasn’t going to leave behind dear old gran with those pigs. Is this the end of Penelope as we know it? I really do hope so.

The episode was jam-packed with storylines, some of them never really got to shine before it was on to the next scene.

In case you forgot, Riverdale is still deeply embroiled in the battle for a new Mayor and the showdown is happening between two former lovers Fred Andrews and Hermione Lodge.

No one is more torn about this than Archie and Hiram hopes to utilize this by making sure ensuring that he drives a wedge between Fred and Archie.

However, it seems Hiram underestimated Archie and his loyalty to his father because after he visited Fred simply to brag and dangle the car he bought his son in his face, Archie finally saw what kind of man he really was.

Shortly after, Archie returned the Thunderbird and told Hiram never to come between him and his dad again because he will lose. There’s the Archie we’ve always loved!

He’s not some spoiled kid who drives fancy cars or can be bribed by expensive gifts — he’s the sensitive jock who fixes up old cars with his dad and supports him effortlessly.

Alice Cooper has finally realized that her overpowering ways have pushed everyone away so she’s holding onto whatever is still familiar by joining the high school play and re-living her glory days.

I guess it would also explain her renewed interest in FP Jones, however, I’m disappointed that after pursuing him, she ended up right back with Hal. Obviously, there is absolutely no love left in their marriage if the man didn’t even know she was allergic to Peonies.

And do I really have to remind everyone that he’s been finding comfort with charlatan Penelope? Gross.

Last we checked, Hal thought being free of Alice was a blessing so why the change of heart?

It truly broke my heart to see FP show up at the play to support Alice before seeing her back in Hal’s arms. Come on, we were so close!

Other Thoughts

  • Betty and Veronica sounded angelic when they harmonized. They should do that every episode.
  • Archie’s dancing should win some award. He can pull off so much but dancing is not one of those things.
  • How are they all such good singers? Was that a casting requirement? Even fricking Barb can sing! Yes, she will always be Barb to me.
  • Do they really have a Lovers Lane in Riverdale?
  • Archie’s face when Alice broke down via sing-song should probably also win an Oscar or something.
  • Whose blood did Cheryl have smeared all over her? I rooted for our girl, but I was also terrified of her. Hey, that’s what you get for succumbing your daughter to conversion therapy!
  • Betty was a bit of a hypocrite for calling out Veronica for being a terrible friend when like Archie said, V forgave her for all the stuff Blackhood made her do. However, I have no remorse for Veronica who stands by idly and watches her parents manipulate everyone and only do what’s in their best interest.

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Riverdale

Riverdale – Noose Tightens (2×17)

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Riverdale The Noose Tightens

To answer my burning question from last week, yes, Cheryl is locked up in the creepiest place known to Riverdale – the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

However, things aren’t as bleak as they seem because if you remember, Polly was once a Sister’s prisoner and she made it out just fine. By the end, Cheryl also makes it out just fine, but is she herself fine?

It’s cockamamie that there is still a place that practices gay version, even in a town as peculiar as Riverdale.

When Penelope told Toni that Cheryl was away at boarding school it raised a couple of red flags especially for Veronica who knew, for certain, that there were only a few boarding schools in Switzerland and it was impossible as she wasn’t maniacally updating her social media with all the #views.

You would think that someone as mean-spirited as Cheryl wouldn’t have any ally’s in her corner, but she has a few good friends that care about her deeply, specifically Toni Topaz, who she’s developed a real connection with.

Honestly, we all need friends like Toni and Veronica who will pull through for you when your psychotic mother tries to beat the gay out of you. I think Penelope missed the memo — that’s not how any of this works in 2018.

Unfortunately, Josie showed her stripes and proved she’s not worthy of this friendship or of the student council seat.Did you see how quickly she bolted because of a drawing? Seriously girl, maybe this isn’t the town for you.

Toni in her Serpent jacket and Roni in her Britney Spears toxic-inspired getup marched through the underground tunnels, snuck into the church/convent/ insane asylum and raised hell.

It wasn’t long before Toni found Cheryl at movie night and they embraced in front of all the other poor souls trapped against their will. How romantic.

The symbolism of the red light as they ran down the stairs and into the dark night was not lost on me.

In fact, it added to the chilling visual of nuns running at you from all sides. What a terrifying sight.

Almost as scary as seeing poor Nana Rose crawl across the floor to phone a friend for help and then realize her own son, Claudius, cut the cord and was planning some form of excruciating punishment.

What is wrong with this family?

Can the ladies go save Nana next? She doesn’t deserve any of this.

Cheryl returned to school without even missing a beat, but I have to wonder where she’s staying nowadays. I hope she didn’t return to Thistle House like “hey, I’m back, did you miss me?” Did she sleep with one eye open hoping her mother didn’t send her away again? How is she going to make them pay for this? How will she ensure her safety going forward?

In the realm of Riverdale, Cheryl’s rescue was realistic and almost expected. In the real world, well, this was way too easy. How convenient was it that there was a tunnel that led right to Cheryl and the nuns didn’t even know about it?

And this wasn’t even the most exaggerated part of the episode.

We had Archie threatening a bunch of mobsters to “have Hiram’s” back. Yes, this zit-faced kid thought he stood a chance against a group of corrupt me. How laughable. Archie couldn’t intimidate a piece of toast. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s toughening up but really? Trying to mess with the mafia? Come on!

I can’t seem to understand why Hiram is asking a high school kid to do his dirty work in the first place. If he’s supposed to be this villainous character, how does he not know how to handle his own men and enemies? Why is his only fighting chance Archie and a football team who call themselves the “Dark Army.” Also, yeah, we’re back to this crusade.

I would blame Archie’s obsession with impressing Hiram on daddy issues, but it seems like Fred has always been a good and protective father. I think after the Black Hood shooting, he began to see his father as someone that’s “weak” and wanted to align himself with someone more alpha, and he found that in Hiram. He wants to be strong and powerful and fearless just like Roni’s father, so he’s trying to align with him and learn from him.

Unfortunately, it’s ruining his relationship with his father. He didn’t even show up for his mayoral announcement, which really disappointed Fred. I like Fred so it really sucks to see him be pushed to the side for someone “better.” There will be a moment where Archie will definitely regret this. On the plus side, it seems like Fred and Mary are connecting again and they’ll likely rekindle their relationship.

Mary definitely comes down harder on Archie than Fred does and she’s not afraid to confront him when he gets out of line.

She’s also right about Archie being a completely different person before he started dating Veronica. He played sports, he had friends, he smiled, and he wanted to be a musician. What went wrong? How did he get swallowed up whole by this little town and criminal Hiram? And no, I don’t believe Mr. Lodge is trying to come out on the straight and narrow.

The writers keep teasing the return of Black Hood but each time, it doesn’t seem like the actual villain from earlier seasons is returning, it’s just someone wearing a mask and committing crimes. And maybe, that’s the point. The realization that the “Black Hood” will never die because there will always be another guy doing bad things.

Personally, I’m over any story arc that has to do with Hiram and Archie, especially if it has to do with him buying love and loyalty through material objects. I expect that crap to work on Veronica but not Archie.

Far more interesting is the drama involving the Cooper and Jones families. Remember when Jughead and Betty stupidly dumped a car into a shallow swamp thinking no one would ever find it or the body of the man that Alice killed?

Well, Junkyard Steve found said car when he was draining the swamp!

A cumulative freak-out ensued, but FP assured them everything would be just fine if they stayed calm and laid low,  two things Betty and Jughead aren’t known for.

They began sniffing around about the car and Kevin eventually revealed that the owner came to Riverdale and scooped it up.

For some reason, they trusted Chic enough to bring him into discussions about how to proceed and he stupidly reached out to the owner, Darla. For what exactly? I don’t know.

Why wouldn’t he just leave it alone?

When Darla tried to extort 10K from the Cooper’s, I thought maybe this was Chic’s plan all along. Maybe he was working with Darla and once she got the money, would disappear from Betty and Alice’s life forever. Honestly, they probably wouldn’t even care after all he’s put them through.

Unfortunately, Chic was more terrified by the situation than Betty and Alice combined, which just speaks to how useless he really is.

All he’s done since his arrival at the house is create problems and put them his mother and sister in danger. Not once has he offered up an actual solution to the problems he’s created either. In fact, it’s always been little Betty taking “care” of the situation.

Archie’s “hero” moment may have fallen flat and garnered a few chuckles from his enemies, but Jughead’s intimidation tactics are on point. He gets it from his papa, I’m sure.

When Betty called, he came to the rescue kicking down the door, looking all threatening and hot alongside his posse. That’s one thing I like about the Serpent’s; it’s a brotherhood. Even though Alice Cooper is Serpent enemy number one, they still came through for her when she needed help.

And turns out, that’s all Alice needed to finally “hear” what Betty’s been telling her all along. She apologized to the Serpent’s in person, put on some dark lipstick and made her way over to FP’s place, probably to rekindle that teenage romance. Did you see how happy he was when she arrived at his place?

I’m actually surprised Jughead didn’t bring FP along to handle something this serious but you know, shifts at Pop’s are aplenty.

Usually, I’d be disturbed by a mother-daughter duo dating a father-son duo but in this case, they all do make a pretty cute and badass family.

Although, I have to point out that this town needs to stop relying so much on high school students and get some more police. Sheriff Keller is trying, I’m sure, but he’s also busy doing the former Mayor. Priorities.

Jughead has really grown into a character that commands a room and wants to be the voice for those who can’t yet speak up for themselves. I truly hope he and Betty win the student council race. Maybe Betty’s future tattoo will help convince the Serpent’s to give them the vote. I mean, she’s practically an honorary serpent at this point.

Cheryl’s storyline may have felt aimless at times, but it served its purpose, leading us right into Kevin’s Carrie musical. And yes, Cheryl really does make the perfect Carrie White, a girl who was made a victim by her own unstable religious fanatic mother. Sound familiar?

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Riverdale

Riverdale – Primary Colors (2×16)

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Riverdale Primary Colors

Riverdale finally revealed what we all already knew — Chic isn’t Hal’s son. Hence, Hal’s distaste for Chic was actually logical.

Another thing we already knew? Chic is creepy as all hell. And he’ll do anything to ruin Betty in whatever twisted plan he has for the Cooper family.

After Dark Betty threatened him, he went and told Alice all about it and even dug up Betty’s wig, which he told her mother she uses when she has sex with Jughead.

To echo Betty’s disgust, “how would you even know that?” That alone raised Chic’s creep factor to level 300.

Alice was less upset about her daughter having sex and more upset about the fact that it was with a Jones boy because “she knows how charming they can be.”

Yep, Alice admitted to having a relationship with FP but swore up and down that he isn’t Chic’s father. Yeah okay, Alice.

I’m willing to bet that Chic actually knows who his father is!

Things aren’t much calmer at the Lodge mansion where Hermione is doing everything in her power to secure her mayoral bid. It seems Hiram is making use of his purchase of The Register as Hal is conducting an interview with pre-written questions that paint Hermione is a nice light.

Hermione and Hiram ask Veronica to “keep her head down” and stay out of the spotlight until elections are over because, at this point, everyone hates her family. Being low key doesn’t come naturally to Roni though. First Ethel threw a milkshake in her face (dang, Ethel), then Veronica punched Chuck after he made a snide comment about her father being locked up in the prisons he was building, and then she decided to run for student council with Betty by her side.

Veronica convinced Josie to give her a “celebrity endorsement” much like Andy Cohen’s unnecessary one for Hermione Lodge (yay, you know famous people, we should totally vote for you!). And she happily obliged after Veronica promised to get her a guest-appearance on Watch What Happens Live (yah, ok!).

However, Veronica underestimated Josie. Why would she help her after everything her family has done to her and her mother?

So it definitely wasn’t a surprise when she ended up being the one that steered Ethel into handing out flyers with “facts” about Veronica and her corrupt family during the performance. Veronica really thought that she could just bribe Ethel with some whack promise of a job at the new prison. Yes, Roni, thank you for saving our defunct town. Everyone wants the Lodges to pay for what they’ve done and continue to do to this town, including Betty, who was Veronica’s strongest supporter until she was blindsided by all of her lies. V knew what her parents were planning all along.

Really, the only person Veronica has in her corner at this point is Archie and that might change if his mother has anything to do with it.

Mary returned to town to help Fred get out of his iron-clad contract with Hiram. Negotiations didn’t go well but Archie, who thinks he has some power over Hiram since they are blood brothers, asked him to release his father.

Hiram did but in turn, Archie had to go and thwart Jughead’s hunger strike (ha! he’s always eating) and protest of Southside High in front of everyone. Not only did Archie look like Hiram’s little puppet, he also kickstarted a war with his only friend.

“I want them to see you do it,” Jughead said establishing that Archie is on the wrong side of history. If everyone is against Hiram, why does he still think he’s doing the right thing?

I love that Jughead was called out for his sudden devotion to the Southside because I’ve been saying that for quite some time. Yet his reasoning really put his motives in perspective for me. He may have just transferred to the school, but he grew up on the Southside. That’s where all of his memories with his family as a whole are; it’s home. Sorry for ever doubting you, kid!

Even his mother knocks some sense into Archie when she tells him that Hiram may seem all-powerful but he shouldn’t be turning his back on those that have always been there, namely his father who has done everything to provide for his family.

And since Fred has decided to run for mayor on his own terms with Mary by his side, Archie will find himself in quite a bind. Which family does he support? He did make that blood-pact to stand by the Lodges no matter what.

Fred isn’t the only one trying to stand up for what he believes in. After his altercation with Archie and Betty’s fallout with Veronica, the two decide to run for student council together.

If they don’t stand up for something, they’ll fall for anything.

Let’s hope their platform is a winning one.

In addition to being running mates, Betty is also moving in because she can’t go home to her prison of a home anymore. A prison she created herself might I remind you.

How will Alice react to that? She’s obviously not a fan of Betty’s relationship with Juggy and she’s delusional because she thinks Chic’s intentions are actually pure.

Meanwhile, he’s basically untouchable and he made sure of it by allowing Alice and Betty to deal with the murder and get their prints all over the body while he stood by on the sidelines.

If they even try to take him down, he can go to the police and incriminate them. Oh boy, ladies, what have you done?

Remember when Penelope and Claudius talked about eliminating Nana Rose and Cheryl and Cheryl overheard them?

Well, she had every right to become paranoid about what they would do. It seems like not even a house full of girls for a sleepover could hinder their plans of taking the Blossom money for themselves.

As Cheryl talks about how her home is a prison, something Betty can definitely relate to, she tells the girls everything. And if you thought she was making it up, the fact that Nana Rose fell down a flight of stairs shortly after is proof enough. Or should I say pushed down the stairs?

At the hospital, the doctor tells Cheryl that there are traces of tannis root in her system. Rosemary’s Baby much?

Cheryl wants to tell the doctor that her mother is trying to eliminate her, but Penelope sweeps right in.

Their car ride is ominous, especially when Penelope tells Cheryl she leaves her no choice and “they’re going to make you all better.”

Turns out, Penelope is really homophobic and when she realized Cheryl was getting close to another girl, she used that as an excuse to send her daughter to “boarding school in Switzerland,” which is code for some asylum where Cheryl is sitting in pigtails and the nurse plans to “rid her of all the naughty demons and unnatural thoughts” with conversion therapy.

Alright, they’ve done it, that is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen on The CW.

Do you think she’s been committed to Sisters of Quiet Mercy?

And don’t expect Toni to go gently into that dark night — she’s going to bring out the girls to look for Cheryl. She knows better than to underestimate Penelope.

It’s nice to see Cheryl have someone in her corner for once.

Other Thoughts

  • Do girls really have sleepovers where they braid each others hair in a line?
  • Cheryl referring to Betty as “cousin Betty” was hilarious.
  • Is Claudius really Clifford’s twin or did Clifford fake his own death and is now posing as his brother? Or is Penelope now sleeping with Claudius hence the “he’s wearing my father’s pajamas” comment?
  • I cannot believe Kevin sold Betty out about the catfishing. Is he so desperate for love he’s willing to trust Chic? Hoes before bros Kev!
  • Hiram still thinks he can just buy everyone’s love even FP and Jughead’s. Offering them the penthouse in his new low-income housing? What’s the catch?

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