This week Jane decides to lose her virginity, unintentionally meets her birth dad and experience the symptoms of hormonal changes in pregnant women. All in a days work.
Jane’s move to finally have sex stemmed from the realization that all this time she waited to get married and get pregnant so she wouldn’t end up like her mother. Well, that’s exactly how she ended up — single and pregnant, only engaged and still a virgin. What did it matter if she had sex now? Michael was thrilled by the news, but we all know “first times” don’t ever actually work out. You can’t plan sex.. it just kind of happens.
A couple of things interfered with her big night. First, her abuela took her to church because the priest was talking about God giving us things he knows we can handle. She was referring to Jane finding out that the telenovela star was her father, but Jane took it as she shouldn’t lie to her family, especially abuela about what she was doing tonight. After her hormones gave her a hallucination of a lifetime–choirs, statues, priests and abuela singing don’t have sex and close your legs– she blurted out the truth. Her mother was super excited. Abuela was disappointed. Regardless, Jane was committed to finally losing her virginity.
Before the nigh time a lot happened between Petra and Michael pertaining to Zazo’s murder investigation. She had an alibi for the time of the murder, but her necklace was left on Zazo’s couch. Michael knew that if Petra was investigated for murder, Jane would never give her the baby and he would be left having to raise it. That’s apparently worse than going to jail, which he will be if anyone finds out he tampered with the crime scene and removed the necklace.
Jane also saw Petra take a pill and lurk around the crime scene, before Michael came and they talked suspiciously. Jane confronted them, but they both lied and said they were talking about upping hotel security. Jane assumed it was just her hormones, but snuck into Petra’s suite anyway and got caught snooping around her dressing room. Petra admitted she was taking Xanax for the stress and anxiety and switched Jane’s mind from what she saw, to the nursery for the baby. Once again, Jane felt confident that Petra was a good person and went to tell Michael about what she did while he was at work. She accidentally blabbed about sneaking into Petra’s room in front of his colleague, so now it looks pretty suspicious that Michael has been trying to keep the police from bringing Petra into questioning. The rest of the force is on board with the idea that Zazo’s death was a crime of passion committed by his girlfriend Petra… everyone except for Michael. When Rafael goes to the scene and begins asking if they have any leads, Michael tells him to get lost, but his partner tells him that they have a hunch his girlfriend did it. He’s taken aback because he didn’t know Zazo had a girlfriend, but later when Petra asks if he’d contacted his brother and refers to him by name, he knows something is up. Rafael never knew Zazo’s brother’s name and he sure never told Petra it. Just this morning, she exclaimed she didn’t even know Zaz had a brother. Something is fishy and Rafael is going to figure it out.
To take Jane’s mind off the suspicions, Petra gave her a key to a suite for the night. Jane was nervous, but excited because it was going to be perfect. Their first time! On her way into the hotel, she checked out the memorial party that Rafael threw for his best friend Zaz. She was thrilled that he took her advice and decided not to listen to his father and throw the memorial anyways. During that talk, she felt her heart beat a little faster around her baby daddy. It wasn’t until the party, when Rafael asked her to dance, that she really knew she had feelings for another man. Sure, it seems so innocent. Rafael is technically her baby daddy. But it isn’t innocent. She’s engaged to Michael and Rafael is only the baby daddy because she was artificially inseminated by his sperm. That’s it. She makes a break for it and tries to shake the butterflies off. We all know you can’t shake those things off.
She gets to the suite where Michael is waiting, excited for their first time. No pun intended. They begin making out but Jane notices the flowers are wilting. Sign number one. Suddenly, the TV turns on with a hotel informercial featuring Rafael talking about pleasure. Awkward sign number 2. And eventually, the fire alarm goes off asking all hotel guests to go downstairs to the lobby. Sign number 3. Divine intervention. Whatever you want to call it. Later Michael asks Jane what was wrong tonight. She knows she can’t tell him she has feelings for another man. She doesn’t even know if she really has feelings or if it’s just the hormones, so she opts to blame all of her guilt on abuela. Michael says they can wait, but gets an even better idea. Why don’t they just move up the wedding? Their so sure about being with each other, so it only makes sense. Jane agrees and later tells her mom and abuela that the wedding is next week.. although she’s not as happy as she should be. Mainly because, Rafael. She catches a firefly and makes one last wish to wake up the next day with zero feelings for her baby daddy. Yeah, good luck.
Michael gets a call from his boss that they found evidence that doesn’t go along with Petra’s alibi. Her mother’s key card was used 5-minutes before the time of murder in a secluded staircase. Her wheelchair bound mother’s keycard. Obviously it wasn’t her climbing the stairs. Petra exclaims that she can’t tell Michael what she was doing there and he threatens her with jail. Petra isn’t easily scared off and explains that if he doesn’t “clear this up” she will let the police know he tampered with the crime scene and he’ll be the one going to jail and losing Jane. What’s Michael going to do now?
Aside from the crime-scene and virginity action, Xiomara is still sleeping with Jane’s father. Abuela knows who he is and helps her daughter sneak him out in the morning so Jane doesn’t see. Xiomara has him promise he’ll stay away from Jane and not tell her his real identity until Jane is ready, but he doesn’t listen, booking a room at the hotel she works and snapping a selfie with his star-stricken daughter. This whole father storyline really cracks me up. Her mother is such a mess it’s no wonder she didn’t want to end up anything like her.
And finally, we’re still dealing with Louise whose having a sexual affair with her step-mother and father’s wife. Her “mom” tells her she won’t leave her father, but is really enjoying this temporary fling and Louise goes with it. How disturbing. The two are fooling around in the room, where Louise’s father comes home as Louise is in the hallway. To warn her lover and stop him from seeing her in the midst of cheating, pulls the fire alarm and messed up everyones night. How rude.
I enjoy watching Jane deal with odd, but completely normal young-adult life events. Who hasn’t felt the pressure of their first time? Or felt bad for liking someone while they were with someone else? Granted we’re not usually artificially inseminated by the dude, but still, she’s very relatable and completely likeable. Plus, she’s got a cuckoo family, so many of us can relate on that level. It just works. And while there are cheesy, corny telenovela moments, their slim in comparison to the real bulk of the story. This weeks episode gets a 6/10 only because I don’t think we made much progress with the storyline.
TV Shows to Binge During Your Self-Quarantine and Social Distancing
In case you haven’t been keeping up with global news, coronavirus, COVID-19, is forcing everyone to practice the 2020 version of”conscious uncoupling” known as “social distancing.”
Many cities/states are on lockdown with bars, restaurants, and other establishments closing their doors to keep the outbreak from spreading even more than it has.
If you’ve found yourself self-quarantined at home on the couch to prevent the spread of germs, you’ll likely be looking for things to keep yourself occupied.
Many shows have shuttered production with daytime and late-night talk shows going sans audiences or completely dark for the remainder of the month.
And this means it’s the perfect time to binge-watch those shows you’ve been putting off.
Here are some shows to watch during your self-quarantine.
What the world needs now is a fixer who could tell us all how to get out of this mess. Since that’s not possible, we have the next best thing in Olivia Pope, DC’s fixer and right-hand to the President, who is also in a torrid love affair with him. It’s political, dramatic, and sexy as hell to this day.
Don’t you wish we could all travel back to a time before the coronavirus? Same. Maybe if we had a time machine like Lucy, Wyatt, and Rufus, we totally could. But alas, we’ll have to settle for watching their journey through key historical moments as they attempt to stop Rittenhouse from destroying the world.
Locke & Key
Think Harry Potter meets Narnia. Netflix’s new fantasy thriller finds a family moving into a mansion following their father’s death where they learn that it’s filled with secret keys that open up portals to other dimensions. You never know where you’ll end up, but it’ll make you forget you’re curled up on your couch amidst a toilet-paper shortage.
Elliot works as a cybersecurity engineer by day and doubles as a vigilante hacker by night. When he’s recruited by a mysterious underground organization, he’s forced to do things that make him question his personal beliefs, his morals, and most importantly, what’s real and what isn’t.
Financial burdens (like the fact that you spent all your money stocking up on canned goods and paper towels) plague three suburban moms who are tired of always playing “catch up.” They decide to take matters into their own hands and rob a grocery store. Soon, they find themselves trying to navigate a world of crime that has absolutely no rules. As they try to survive, their actions will keep you on the edge of your seat.
You’ve already heard of Stranger Things, and if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s high time you do. The series takes place in 1980s Indiana and follows a group of young friends who become privy to supernatural happening within the government.
There’s no better time than during a quarantine to watch all 16 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. Honestly, when else are you going to have the time? All you need to know is that it’s a medical drama, there’s a doctor named McDreamy, and Shonda Rhimes is the boss babe behind it.
The Good Place is a stroke of comedic genius mixed with some of the most insightful and wholesome storytelling of our generation. It’s also the only series that had the perfect series finale (fight me, but after coronavirus cause there’s a no-touching ban). Eleanor Shellstrop is shocked to find herself in the Good Place following her death and immediately realizes she’s there by mistake. No one is prepared for her hilarious afterlife antics as she hides from architect Michael and her new friends while trying to become a better version of herself.
Don’t be deterred by the plot — a young Latina woman learns she’s pregnant after she’s accidentally artificially inseminated. The series weaves together the best parts of a telenovela while adding heart, feshed-out characters, strong female leads, irresistible love interests, and family at the forefront of every storyline.
Love is Blind
In the reality TV vein, Netflix delivered the world’s newest obsession. It’s a social experiment that many claim prepared our generation for dating throughout “social distancing.” Love is Blind forces a handful of contestants to meet people while isolated in pods. Once they find their “soulmate,” they propose to them without meeting face-to-face and a few weeks later, walk down the aisle.
If you’re not familiar with Joe Goldberg, you’re missing out. YOU is a suspenseful thriller that digs into the mind of an obsessed serial killer and follows his romantic relationships.
Game of Thrones
Similarly to Greys Anatomy, when else are you going to find the time to watch all of Game of Thrones? This is the perfect time to dig into a pop culture phenomenon so you know what “winter is coming” means the next time someone mentions it.
The Marvelous Ms. Maisel
If there’s anyone that can cheer you up and put a smile on your face, it’s Ms. Maisel. Set in the late 1950s, Miriam aka “Midge” breaks the rules and pursues a career in stand-up comedy. While it’s unheard of for women of her class to pursue a career, it’s even more unheard of a woman succeeding in such an industry. But leave it to Midge to prove everyone wrong and do it with flair and style!
Jane the Virgin – Chapter One Hundred (5×19)
It should be noted that I had to tell myself to be brave while writing this review and wiping away so many happy tears.
As far as series finales go, Jane the Virgin’s hit every mark and was a treat for longtime fans.
One would say it was the inverse of what made Jane the Virgin such a household name; it bypassed the usual telenovela-twists and opted for happy endings all around.
There will always be things that I wish would have happened, but confined to a one-hour window, the finale was pretty perfect.
Jane the Virgin – Chapter Ninety-Eight (5×17)
How do we say goodbye?
Xiomara posed that very question at the end of Jane the Virgin Season 5 Episode 17, and nothing sums up my feelings more succinctly.
We’re almost at the end, and despite this being the weakest season to date, it’s still bittersweet.
Look, nothing against anyone on the Jane the Virgin team.
Putting together a final season is a tall order, and appeasing everyone is nearly impossible.
We’re always going to have a bone to pick with something. That’s just life.
Nevertheless, I’m enjoying this strange ride for what it is and soaking up these last moments with the Gloriana Villaneuva family.
The realistic moments of the episode were really great, but the moments that leaned heavily into telenovela territory fell short.
Rose’s masterplan was revealed and to be honest, it was lame and non-existent.
Everything she’s ever done was motivated by her love for Luisa.
She broke out of jail and created an army of minions in order to be with her one true love.
If Luisa hadn’t betrayed Rose, Rose wouldn’t have had any motive to come after Jane.
Rose has been an elusive and terrifying villain all these years, but she just felt like a run-of-the-mill villain when she ambushed Jane.
Yes, I was a nervous wreck the entire time, but only because I expected Rose to already have people at Mateo’s school waiting for him or something.
Did anyone even know where Mateo was at the time? And why did no one come to check in on Jane?
Then, Rose’s grand plan was to sneak into the This Is Mars party essentially wearing alien costumes from Spirit Halloween.
What happened to the plastic surgery genius who could change her appearance at the snap of her fingers?
The one who befriended Michael as Susanna and faked his whole death?
We needed that Rose to come out and play.
Read the full review at TV Fanatic!
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