Connect with us
Riverdale The Hills Have Eyes Riverdale The Hills Have Eyes


Riverdale – The Hills Have Eyes (2×14)

Riverdale/ The CW



Nope, the horror-movie inspired title isn’t a coincidence. Riverdale tried their hand at the teen-lakehouse-horror niche and well, I don’t think it lived up to the hype.

When a regular dad tells you to go spend a weekend at the lakehouse, you go eagerly. When Hiram Lodge tells you, you question his motives.

What father, especially one that was so skeptical of Archie in the first place, suggests his teen daughter and her boyfriend spend a weekend alone in a cabin? The kind of dad who is up to some shady dealings in town and doesn’t want his daughter and her friends to get in the way.

And yes, the fact that these high-schoolers are Hiram Lodge’s biggest concern is in itself concerning.

The foursome — because I can definitely call them that after they all basically swapped spit (we’re still waiting on you Archie and Jughead) – drive out to Lodge Lodge (clever!) for the weekend and almost immediately, Jughead is convinced it’s a distraction.

Everyone tries to tell him that he’s become “too obsessed with conspiracy’s about Hiram Lodge,” but Jughead seems to be the ONLY one who is seeing things clearly.

Heck, even his father thinks that Hiram buying back the Sunnyside Trailer Park is a show of good faith. Since when does Hiram do anything without an ulterior motive? Never.

When the words “relax” and “unwind” are thrown around so loosely, it’s almost a guarantee that the weekend will be filled with teen angst, which comes immediately in the form of a scorned-Cheryl.

Cheryl has impeccable timing but revealing the Barchie kiss to Jughead doesn’t exact the reaction she had hoped for. Her twisted brain thought everyone was emotionally weak just like her, but Veronica and Archie were never phased by the kiss and Jughead wasn’t mad either, he was more concerned with why Betty didn’t tell him. 

Truthfully, if Jughead did get upset about it, he’d be a hypocrite considering he did worse things with Toni, who oddly enough is expressing interest in Cheryl. More on that later.

We can’t even blame Cheryl for deliberately trying to ruin their weekend because she’s so damaged. In addition to being a fill de Joie, her mother is also emotionally abusive! Cheryl is simply lashing out because of her pain.  

There were a few moments foreshadowing the horror that was about to go down at Lodge Lodge.

First off, Archie saw Andre’s gun when he dropped them off at the lakehouse. Why would the moment be *so* obvious if it wasn’t going to be relevant later?

Then, while the girls were loose-lipped about their “richness” in town, Jughead made a comment about how close they all were if anything happened, “we’d all blow up.”

The “explosion” came in the form of a couple’s fight – Archie & Veronica vs. Betty and Jughead.

Betty joined Jughead in accusing Hiram of trying to screw everyone over after she found out he bought The Register.

Dude, Hiram is trying to buy all of Riverdale like he bought Veronica’s love but in this case, it’s having adverse effects.

“He’s trying to control the free press,” budding journalist Jughead yelled out. And he wouldn’t be wrong — Hiram has been buying properties for his SoDale project and with his purchase of the newspaper, he ensures no one slanders his name in the press.

And yeah, it doesn’t seem like Riverdale has a local news channel… yet.

Before they can even hash things out, our fantastic four are ambushed by a group of punk-ass dudes wearing ski-masks, which really brings the Black Hood PTSD out of Archie. 

Yes, the “robbery” is a traumatic but this Black Hood fake-out kind of negates the purpose of the episode.

The teaser made us believe that the Black Hood, which we know is still out there, was coming back for blood. But it turned out to be some kids who wanted cash, which Veronica gave them while enacting the emergency security button.

Archie sat by idly when his dad got shot, but he couldn’t do that now, which actually put him in more danger.

As he chased down the masked robber, Andre arrived to “take care of it,” which is where his gun came into play.

I can’t even begin to count how many times we’ve heard the sound of a gunshot in the distance on this series on one hand.

Archie now has this guys blood on his hands, but he doesn’t feel guilty because unlike with the Black Hood, he didn’t let him get away.

Riverdale The Hills Have Eyes

Riverdale/ The CW

However, I’d argue these guys weren’t as dangerous nor was the crime as severe as BH’s. 

Hiram was oddly proud of Archie for protecting his own and there’s something to be said about him wanting to turn Veronica’s boyfriend into a cold-blooded killer like himself. Does anyone else hate their new bond besides Veronica and I?

I worry that this robbery was yet another set up to test’s Archie’s loyalty, just like with the fake FBI agent. 

Now back to Cheryl, who stayed behind in Riverdale and ended up one of the many solo-movie goers on a Friday night. Really, do people actually do that? Small towns are so weird. 


The series has dropped hints of a possible bi-storyline for Cheryl first with her relationship with Josie and now with her moments with Toni.

We know Toni is bi and her interest in “taking care and lending a hand’” to Cheryl raises a few eyebrows. 

We’ve always assumed Cheryl’s just an entitled child with a strained relationship with her mother, however, we never knew that it was because her mother ripped her first-love away from her.

Or that her first love was a girl named Heather who she was caught in bed with.

Trying to picture Penelope, a woman of questionable morals, calling anyone a deviant is hilarious.

I can bet money that Toni and Cheryl will develop feelings for each other, which will not only infuriate Jughead and also cause friction within the Serpents since Cheryl has always been an adversary.

While we’re airing out secrets, we can add Mayor McCoy and Sheriff Keller’s relationship to the list.

Surprisingly, Josie knew that her mother was cheating and in an attempt to spite her, informed Kevin, who was not pleased with his father’s affair while his mother was “risking her life.”

Kevin does have a point, this is a pretty low blow for Keller.

It’s not the only dissapointment Kevin is facing this week though, as Moose is also being pretty shady when it comes to their “relationship.” Heck, even their friendship. 

Kevin’s been into Moose every since they began hooking up occasionally in the wood and while Moose insisted Midge knew about them and was “open” to the idea, he was actually lying.


Midge clearly picked up on some tension when she asked Kevin to join them at Pops’.

Will she dump him when she finds out of his “deviant” ways? Sorry, the word is just too good.

And poor Betty returned from a crappy trip to her crappy reality as a prisoner in her own home.

As Jughead narrated, sometimes intruders don’t barge in, they creep up quietly after being invited in. We’re obviously referring to Chic, who like Hiram, is playing some larger game with the Cooper’s.

He’s obviously out to destroy them, possibly for putting him up for adoption all those years ago.

I’d say he was the mastermind behind the whole murder because he knew Alice and Betty would cover for him and he would be able to dangle it over their heads and manipulate them in the future.

Must I point out that creepy smile he gave Jughead when he made it a point for him not to say anything or it would be “bad for Alice and Betty”? He seemed all too pleased with himself for pushing them into a corner.

And if my theory about Chic being Alice and FP’s child is true, it means that Chic is also Jughead’s stepbrother.

So twisted.

Is Chic working with the Black Hood?

Other Thoughts

  • Did Dark Betty give up web-caming and is exclusively dressing up for Jughead?
  • Veronica’s comment about Betty’s role-playing was cold and also, too much information for Archie.
  • I love how Veronica thinks she has any pull in this Hiram-Archie bromance.
  • “Is that their response for everything? Can’t they ever just have a conversation.” I love Jughead’s observation of Varchie’s active sex-life.
  • Jughead was way too eager to kiss Veronica. Clearly he’s still a guy in high school. Or just a guy, really.


Riverdale – In Memoriam: A Prayer for Fred Andrews (4×01)



Riverdale In Memoriam Review

“Fred Andrews will always be a part of Riverdale.”

Cue the ugly crying.

How do you write a goodbye episode to a beloved character and an even better actor portraying that character?

Somehow, Riverdale felt up to the task as the premiere paid a beautiful tribute to the late Luke Perry.

Expectedly, it hit us right in the feels.

Perry, best known for portraying Archie’s father, Fred Andrews passed away suddenly in March after suffering a major stroke.

Riverdale purposefully didnt address Perry’s death last season; since it was so sudden, it didn’t fit the story they were in the midst of telling nor did it allow them to pay homage properly.

But the premiere dedicated a whole hour to honor Perry. The outcome was a heartfelt and beautifully constructed episode that honored Perry’s beautiful soul, Fred, and the legacy he leaves behind.

Characters die all the time on TV shows but it’s usually because they’re getting written off of shows.

It’s sad and moving, but it’s not permanent. This circumstance was different. It was an untimely death of an incredible person who inspired millions.

At the kickstart of Riverdale’s fourth season, Jughead gives fans an update on where things are now in the small town.

The mayhem has sad settled, the events of the farm have all but been forgotten, and G&G was the stuff of (sub)urban legends.

In fact, the town was gearing up for their first 4th of July celebration in the nearly 3 years that Jason Blossom was murdered.

But celebrations aren’t a thing that Riverdale does well.

The event that rocked Riverdale this time cut far deeper than any derange cult leader, murderous black hood, or addictive brainwashing game ever could.

It was the death of one of their own – their hero – a bright light amongst the darkness.

A man who loved Riverdale through the good and the bad and helped build the city from the ground up with his bare hands.

In a town filled with corruptness and evil, Fred Andrews was one of the good guys; he was the heart and soul of Riverdale.

He even died a hero in a hit and run accident while helping a woman change her tire in neighboring Cherry Creek.

Now, if you weren’t in tears almost immediately after Riverdale began, you were when Shannon Doherty (Perry’s on-screen love interest on 90210, the show that made him an 80s hearthrob) graced the screen.

As a Catholic but not overly religious person, this was the first time I’ve ever seen someone pray on television and do so in such a simple, unifying way.

And on Riverdale of all shows — they had demonic monsters as part of their last season.

Yet, death brings people from all walks of life and beliefs together. Religious preferences or lack-there-of didn’t matter at this moment. All that mattered was the collective grieving over a man who spanned generations and equally earned the title of “heartthrob” and “dad.”

Archie’s grief presented a rollercoaster of emotions from shock to disbelief to anger to the eventual breakdown that usually signifies acceptance of reality.

It was painful to watch Archie work through his grief, but it meant that KJ Apa was doing the role justice.

It probably helped that all the emotions he was portraying were real.

This episode hit home to all of them.

First Archie questioned whether it was really his dad who was killed and sent Veronica and Betty to double check.

Denial is a common emotion, but this is so very Riverdale of him.

Anything is possible in Riverdale, and Archie knows you always have to confirm a body.

When FP called and told Archie they caught the guy who did it, Archie was filled with rage and went to the house to get some revenge.

But that didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, he felt worse because he realized that it was a father protecting his son who pulled a classic Archie move and stole the car without having a license.

Archie remembered just how self-less his father’s love was and immediately felt like a bad son.

Eventually, Veronica convinced him that if anyone was half as good as Fred, it was him. He was his father’s son, after all.

So, Archie got it together and finished what he came to do.

As he drove Fred’s body home, he was led by a police escort from FP.

And much to his surprise, as he drove his dad through his hometown one last time, he was greeted by a unified town all gathered to pay their respects.

It was a moving scene and probably the 15th time I cried within the 45-minute span.

The parade, initiated by Cheryl, took place instead of the 4th of July celebration proving that Riverdale is a town that needs to show that they can continue to rise up from tragedies that seem to always fall on a long weekend.


The CW

It also proved that despite her bitchiness and possible unstableness, Cheryl understood loss more than anyone else in town and never wanted the Andrews family to feel the pain and loneliness she felt.

As heartbreaking as that is, I find solace in her acknowledgment that Jay Jay is actually dead. One could get the wrong idea from that quick snippet of Cheryl reading the paper to Jason’s mummified corpse.

The show barely touched upon any last season leftovers, but it does need to be explored in the coming episodes. Maybe this is how we’ll get roped back into The Farm?

Fourth of July will now be a day of remembrance in Riverdale — to remember Jason Blossom and to remember Fred Andrews.

In some way, Fred reignited hope in a town that wanted to honor him and live up to his expectations.

Even villains and enemies like Hiram Lodge put aside their differences as he paid for Fred’s funeral in full.

This moment and Betty’s scene where she visited her disgraced father (his tombstone was covered in graffiti calling him a murderer) only highlighted Fred’s inherent goodness.

After the funeral, everyone came together to watch a beautiful fireworks display that Fred would’ve undoubtedly loved.

Riverdale makes it clear that it’s always necessary to find the light amongst the darkness.

At its core, that’s what Riverdale is —  under all the mystery and darkness its just a show about a small town of heroes and friends navigating this thing called life together.

They may have lost their bright light, but he will live on in the town’s buildings, their hearts and most importantly, our memories.

RIP Fred Andrews. RIP Luke Perry.

Riverdale will never be the same, and that’s thanks to you.

Continue Reading

Coffee Table News

Fall TV Preview: Riverdale Season 4 Trailer Reveals Jughead is Missing



The Riverdale Season 4 Trailer is Here & Jughead is Missing

The Riverdale trailer for season 4 is equal parts sexy and mysterious (what the hell happened to Jughead?!)

The series creators promised the season would be more high-school oriented giving it a “season 1” vibe following a dark, twisted, and oftentimes, ridiculous (we still loved it) G&G/ The Farm storyline on season 3.

And while they’re making good on that promise — we see Cheryl and the like prancing around the halls of Riverdale High — the show still capitalizes on the darker undertones and secrets.

This is a town that thrives on murder, and that’s never going to change.

The teens grapple with a pretty daunting realization — they’re going to have to part ways after senior year.

“Isn’t it crazy? In just nine-months, life as we know it will be over,” Veronica (Camila Mendes) muses without realizing the statement is more ominous than she intended.

The trailer reveals that one favorite may not make it through their senior year alive as the whole town embarks on a search mission through the volatile woods of Riverdale.

Who are they looking for? Our very own Jughead Jones.

Fans expected a rocky season for Jug following the cliffhanger of season 3, which saw him missing as Betty, Veronica and Archie cleaned up the blood from their clothes, but this has us officially worried.

Later in the trailer, we hear Jughead’s screams as he begs for “help” and tries to break out of what sounds like a car trunk.

What happened to Jughead? And is his disappearance linked to whatever happened in the final episode?

Other major moments in the trailer include Betty getting clobbered over the head from behind by an unknown figure (she’s after the Farm so it could be Evelyn Evernever), crime scene photos that make Betty gasp “oh my god,” a scantily dressed Veronica performing some pussycat dolls-esque routine on stage as she assures that she’s “no stranger to scandal,” and a bunch of smokin’ sex scenes with our three favorite ships: Choni, Bughead, and Varchie.

Yep, sounds like senior year!

Not spotted in the video: Alice Cooper, who we found out is infiltrating The Farm, anyone from The Farm (Chad Michael Murray, where ya at?), Kevin, also with the damn Farm, and Betty’s real brother, Chic, who was introduced in the finale as an FBI agent working with Alice to take down The Farm.

Riverdale premies October 9th on The CW!

Continue Reading


Riverdale – The Dark Secret of Harvest House (3×21)



riverdale the dark secret of harvest house Review

I’m going to start this review by echoing the sentiments of my friend who texted me “how the hell did we get here” while watching the penultimate episode of Riverdale.

These writers, they’re good.

They figured out how to hook us just enough to keep us around all season and then, right before the finale, they dropped bomb after bomb on us.

All the weird things that have been happening leading up to this episode have finally started making sense.

There’s still a few mysteries we need to solve, but for the most part, we got all the answers we’ve been searching for all season.

Who is the Gargoyle King?

After a deep dive that led Jughead to Ricky, the Lost Boys, and finally, Ethel Muggs, he finally got the name of the masked creature wreaking havoc on Riverdale: Jason Blossom.

Come again?

The same Jason Blossom who died in season one?

Yes, the very same.

Jughead even dug up homeboy’s grave to make sure this wasn’t some cruel joke and sure enough, the casket was empty.

How many times do I have to remind myself — if you don’t see a body, don’t believe they’re really dead.

It’s unclear how Jason Blossom managed to stay alive — we all saw that video — and how he managed to lurk around Riverdale undetected.

Was he always wearing his GK garb?

It also begs the question: is Jason working directly with The Farm?

After all, Cheryl Blossom swore she was hanging out with her brother again.

Which brings us to The Farm and what they’re really up to.

This one blew my mind slightly more than the Jason Blossom reveal.

Nancy Drew, er, Betty Cooper, discovered that The Farm is harvesting organs! Human organs.

No wonder they’re such a lucrative business.

It all started when she gave herself over to The Farm because she needed protection from the Gargoyle King and the Black Hood aka her dad.

Edgar Evernever opened her with open arms, and I became highly suspicious.

Then, Alice and Polly teamed up to tell Betty that she was a carrier of something called a “serial killer” gene, which sounded made up to me.

Can someone really be tested to see if they’re a potential serial killer? Highly doubt it.

But it was Edgar’s way of getting Betty into one of his hypnosis sessions where she came face-to-face with “Dark Betty.”

Now, for a moment, I truly thought Betty was about to have a split personality meltdown, but thankfully, she outsmarted Edgar by popping some candle wax in her ears so that she wouldn’t “go under” during their next session.

And instead of confronting her inner darkness, she came face-to-face with Polly who was dressed like her and trying to convince her of all these falsities.

Not only is Polly a Farmie, but she’s also willingly messing with her sister!

Betty could have outsmarted Edgar and The Farmies if she wasn’t so vocal about her suspicions.

She thought she was invincible, but when you’re on the inside, you probably should lay low.

Instead, she was walking around telling everyone her theories about hypnosis and figuring out way too much about Evelyn and her dialysis.

It’s almost like she was asking to get caught.

Eventually, she realized that the “procedures” to get rid of internal pain that Edgar manifested into physical pain was basically a surgery to steal kidneys and other high-priced organs.

Kevin and Fangs already “donated” theirs and Toni was scheduled next.

Thankfully, Betty made it in time to warn Cheryl who was finally convinced that Betty was onto something.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

Betty was pinned down by Kevin and Fangs who were upset that she was being a “detractor.”

Cheryl and Toni narrowly escaped with Cheryl allowing Toni to make a break for it while she distracted the guards.

Both Betty and Cheryl were taken and based on Betty’s interaction with Edgar, they’re about to lose a kidney!

The good thing is that Jughead, FP and Toni are bound to return to save them all.

Edgar might ensure that Betty doesn’t “know” anything, but Toni most definitely will. And she’s going to know that Betty told the truth.

And don’t even get me started on how he’s going to silence Betty. It’s looking like electroshock therapy to me!

Then, we have Archie and Veronica who tag-teamed to take down Hiram Lodge who was planning to purchase the town of Riverdale and run it as he saw fit.

Archie challenged Hiram to a boxing match in order to distract him while Ronnie convinced Hiram to do illegal bidding on the fight at Le Bonne Nuit.

Since Archie’s mom set them up with an FBI agent, she crashed the whole thing and arrested Mr. Lodge.

“I won,” Veronica told Hiram as she licked off the taste of satisfaction from her lips.

Ronnie and Archie may believe that, but we all know better. Hiram is capable of anything. If the Black Hood can escape from prison, those bars won’t hold Hiram down for long.

And those two just made an even bigger enemy out of Hiram.

I also couldn’t help but laugh when Archie confirmed that “yeah, Ronnie. Your dad sucks.”

Sadly, despite being a dynamic duo once again, Ronnie chose to rekindle her romance with Reggie.

Obviously, this crushed Archie, but something tells me their relationship isn’t over yet.

Veronica didn’t seem too convinced with her decision given Reggie only won her over by beating Archie to the punch.

Reggie may have helped her with the club but Archie took some nasty blows from her dad, again.

Not to mention Hiram was planning on killing Archie in the ring for some clout.

Doesn’t anyone think Hiram should just grow up?

And, of course, we still haven’t dealt with the Black Hood. Why is Hal so hellbent on killing Betty?

Is he working with the Gargoyle King?

Other Riverdale Musings

  • Hiram really kept a straight face when he talked about how worried he was that Riverdale was being overrun by drugs. He’s only mad cause he’s not the one selling them and turning a profit.
  • Why hasn’t the series addressed Luke Perry’s death? Is Fred Andrews just going to be out of town forever?
  • Veronica singing Beyonce’s “Daddy Lessons” hit the spot and elevated the scene beautifully.

How insane was tonight’s episode of Riverdale? What do you think is going to happen on the season finale?

Is Jason really alive?

Sound off in the comments!

Continue Reading