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Riverdale

Riverdale – Noose Tightens (2×17)

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To answer my burning question from last week, yes, Cheryl is locked up in the creepiest place known to Riverdale – the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

However, things aren’t as bleak as they seem because if you remember, Polly was once a Sister’s prisoner and she made it out just fine. By the end, Cheryl also makes it out just fine, but is she herself fine?

It’s cockamamie that there is still a place that practices gay version, even in a town as peculiar as Riverdale.

When Penelope told Toni that Cheryl was away at boarding school it raised a couple of red flags especially for Veronica who knew, for certain, that there were only a few boarding schools in Switzerland and it was impossible as she wasn’t maniacally updating her social media with all the #views.

You would think that someone as mean-spirited as Cheryl wouldn’t have any ally’s in her corner, but she has a few good friends that care about her deeply, specifically Toni Topaz, who she’s developed a real connection with.

Honestly, we all need friends like Toni and Veronica who will pull through for you when your psychotic mother tries to beat the gay out of you. I think Penelope missed the memo — that’s not how any of this works in 2018.

Unfortunately, Josie showed her stripes and proved she’s not worthy of this friendship or of the student council seat.Did you see how quickly she bolted because of a drawing? Seriously girl, maybe this isn’t the town for you.

Toni in her Serpent jacket and Roni in her Britney Spears toxic-inspired getup marched through the underground tunnels, snuck into the church/convent/ insane asylum and raised hell.

It wasn’t long before Toni found Cheryl at movie night and they embraced in front of all the other poor souls trapped against their will. How romantic.

The symbolism of the red light as they ran down the stairs and into the dark night was not lost on me.

In fact, it added to the chilling visual of nuns running at you from all sides. What a terrifying sight.

Almost as scary as seeing poor Nana Rose crawl across the floor to phone a friend for help and then realize her own son, Claudius, cut the cord and was planning some form of excruciating punishment.

What is wrong with this family?

Can the ladies go save Nana next? She doesn’t deserve any of this.

Cheryl returned to school without even missing a beat, but I have to wonder where she’s staying nowadays. I hope she didn’t return to Thistle House like “hey, I’m back, did you miss me?” Did she sleep with one eye open hoping her mother didn’t send her away again? How is she going to make them pay for this? How will she ensure her safety going forward?

In the realm of Riverdale, Cheryl’s rescue was realistic and almost expected. In the real world, well, this was way too easy. How convenient was it that there was a tunnel that led right to Cheryl and the nuns didn’t even know about it?

And this wasn’t even the most exaggerated part of the episode.

We had Archie threatening a bunch of mobsters to “have Hiram’s” back. Yes, this zit-faced kid thought he stood a chance against a group of corrupt me. How laughable. Archie couldn’t intimidate a piece of toast. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s toughening up but really? Trying to mess with the mafia? Come on!

I can’t seem to understand why Hiram is asking a high school kid to do his dirty work in the first place. If he’s supposed to be this villainous character, how does he not know how to handle his own men and enemies? Why is his only fighting chance Archie and a football team who call themselves the “Dark Army.” Also, yeah, we’re back to this crusade.

I would blame Archie’s obsession with impressing Hiram on daddy issues, but it seems like Fred has always been a good and protective father. I think after the Black Hood shooting, he began to see his father as someone that’s “weak” and wanted to align himself with someone more alpha, and he found that in Hiram. He wants to be strong and powerful and fearless just like Roni’s father, so he’s trying to align with him and learn from him.

Unfortunately, it’s ruining his relationship with his father. He didn’t even show up for his mayoral announcement, which really disappointed Fred. I like Fred so it really sucks to see him be pushed to the side for someone “better.” There will be a moment where Archie will definitely regret this. On the plus side, it seems like Fred and Mary are connecting again and they’ll likely rekindle their relationship.

Mary definitely comes down harder on Archie than Fred does and she’s not afraid to confront him when he gets out of line.

She’s also right about Archie being a completely different person before he started dating Veronica. He played sports, he had friends, he smiled, and he wanted to be a musician. What went wrong? How did he get swallowed up whole by this little town and criminal Hiram? And no, I don’t believe Mr. Lodge is trying to come out on the straight and narrow.

The writers keep teasing the return of Black Hood but each time, it doesn’t seem like the actual villain from earlier seasons is returning, it’s just someone wearing a mask and committing crimes. And maybe, that’s the point. The realization that the “Black Hood” will never die because there will always be another guy doing bad things.

Personally, I’m over any story arc that has to do with Hiram and Archie, especially if it has to do with him buying love and loyalty through material objects. I expect that crap to work on Veronica but not Archie.

Far more interesting is the drama involving the Cooper and Jones families. Remember when Jughead and Betty stupidly dumped a car into a shallow swamp thinking no one would ever find it or the body of the man that Alice killed?

Well, Junkyard Steve found said car when he was draining the swamp!

A cumulative freak-out ensued, but FP assured them everything would be just fine if they stayed calm and laid low,  two things Betty and Jughead aren’t known for.

They began sniffing around about the car and Kevin eventually revealed that the owner came to Riverdale and scooped it up.

For some reason, they trusted Chic enough to bring him into discussions about how to proceed and he stupidly reached out to the owner, Darla. For what exactly? I don’t know.

Why wouldn’t he just leave it alone?

When Darla tried to extort 10K from the Cooper’s, I thought maybe this was Chic’s plan all along. Maybe he was working with Darla and once she got the money, would disappear from Betty and Alice’s life forever. Honestly, they probably wouldn’t even care after all he’s put them through.

Unfortunately, Chic was more terrified by the situation than Betty and Alice combined, which just speaks to how useless he really is.

All he’s done since his arrival at the house is create problems and put them his mother and sister in danger. Not once has he offered up an actual solution to the problems he’s created either. In fact, it’s always been little Betty taking “care” of the situation.

Archie’s “hero” moment may have fallen flat and garnered a few chuckles from his enemies, but Jughead’s intimidation tactics are on point. He gets it from his papa, I’m sure.

When Betty called, he came to the rescue kicking down the door, looking all threatening and hot alongside his posse. That’s one thing I like about the Serpent’s; it’s a brotherhood. Even though Alice Cooper is Serpent enemy number one, they still came through for her when she needed help.

And turns out, that’s all Alice needed to finally “hear” what Betty’s been telling her all along. She apologized to the Serpent’s in person, put on some dark lipstick and made her way over to FP’s place, probably to rekindle that teenage romance. Did you see how happy he was when she arrived at his place?

I’m actually surprised Jughead didn’t bring FP along to handle something this serious but you know, shifts at Pop’s are aplenty.

Usually, I’d be disturbed by a mother-daughter duo dating a father-son duo but in this case, they all do make a pretty cute and badass family.

Although, I have to point out that this town needs to stop relying so much on high school students and get some more police. Sheriff Keller is trying, I’m sure, but he’s also busy doing the former Mayor. Priorities.

Jughead has really grown into a character that commands a room and wants to be the voice for those who can’t yet speak up for themselves. I truly hope he and Betty win the student council race. Maybe Betty’s future tattoo will help convince the Serpent’s to give them the vote. I mean, she’s practically an honorary serpent at this point.

Cheryl’s storyline may have felt aimless at times, but it served its purpose, leading us right into Kevin’s Carrie musical. And yes, Cheryl really does make the perfect Carrie White, a girl who was made a victim by her own unstable religious fanatic mother. Sound familiar?

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Riverdale

Riverdale Midseason Premiere – Yale, Spirit Week, and Maple Syrup Rum (4×10)

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Riverdale Varsity Blues Review

Riverdale did something wild on this week’s episode – it channeled high school sports as the students acted like, dare I say, high school teenagers.

*Gasp*

It’s totally normal if you forgot that Archie still plays football or that he’s QB.

The series has been trying to return to the high-school setting for one more season, but no episode is more teen drama than “Varsity Blues.”

The championship game between Riverdale and Stonewall Prep, seemingly the only other school in the area, divides everyone.

Betty takes her assignment from Mr. Honey about the Bulldogs making the championship and elevates it by writing a riveting expose about how Stonewall Prep plays dirty. And yet, Mr. Honey nixes it because it stirs up too much trouble and he was eyeing a fluff piece, which he should’ve known is Betty’s style.

It doesn’t deter Betty, however, as she’s determined to bring down Stonewall, and Brett, in some capacity and proposes that they start a quiz team to enter the quiz show competition. What’s this new competitive nature that’s gotten into Betty? She clearly doesn’t like Brett because he’s a pompous, egotistical ass, but is there something else driving her need to beat him? Also, is it a coincidence their names are so similar? The sheer amount of times I wrote “Bretty” right now is sickening.

There’s some tension between Betty and Jughead, though, they do their best to work through it.

Despite not applying, Jughead has landed an interview with Yale, but he’s concerned it won’t sit well with Betty who didn’t get in.

Betty offers the “I wouldn’t ask you to give up this opportunity” response, which seems genuine enough.

And yet, the moment she learns Jughead has joined the Quill and Skull secret society, she can’t help but exude a little resentment.

While it seems like they smooth it over, there’s the lingering knowledge that we all have from a previous episode that showed Betty clobbering Jughead over the head and Archie pronouncing him dead.

And we cannot forget the episode where FP Jones arrests Betty, Archie, and Veronica for Jughead’s murder.

The flashforward offered on this week’s episode adds onto the mystery of what happened with Jughead, but instead of providing any clarity, it raises more questions.

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A month from now, we see Betty cleaning out Jughead’s room and crying as Brett informs her that Jughead will not be attending Yale. “It’s just you and me in New Haven,” he adds, which means that Betty is now going to Yale.

Did dark Betty possess her and take Jughead’s spot? Did Jughead get her in somehow?

The reason “why” Jughead isn’t going to Yale isn’t immediately clear, but if those flash-forwards are any indication, it’s because he’s dead.

If he isn’t dead and this is some evil trick being played on us by the writers, then maybe it’s for the best because Jughead’s admission seems to be hinged on some more shady dealings with Stonewall Prep.

Everything is so cryptic with them, and I just cannot trust Brett when he tells Jughead that maybe they’ll be roomies.

Back in Riverdale, Archie is gearing up for the big game, but after Stonewall’s bullies take out the team’s best player, Mad Dog, by physically assaulting him and injuring his knee, the team loses its best player.

That’s when Archie’s uncle Frank swoops in and offers some pain killers because that’s totally normal — an adult offering a kid drugs. Actually, in Riverdale, it is.

There’s a reason why Mary is so adamant in her hatred for Frank and it’s because he smells like bad news.

Mad Dog is an adult, so he takes the pills and plays the game. Archie breathes a sigh of relief because nothing happens to him and he impressed a recruit, but it could’ve. Now, if Riverdale had better story consistency, I would say that this storyline isn’t over and Mad Dog will suffer some consequences for playing with an injury, but I doubt this will ever be brought up again.

The Lodge wars continue as Veronica and Hiram go battle it out for the best whiskey in town. I wouldn’t have pegged Riverdale for a rum town, it seems more like a draft beer town, but sure. The best part of this whole storyline is that Veronica isn’t even 21 and yet, she’s out here selling off cases of her special blend rum. Girl, you’re not even old enough to try it.

Although, I’m really digging Veronica and Cheryl’s team-up. If she’s going to make a rum, it better be a maple-syrup flavored one.

But those two are definitely not old enough to take those shots.

Cheryl spent most of the episode quibbling with the new HBIC brought on to coach the Vixens. She didn’t know what hit her when Ms. Appleyard stood up to her and wasn’t intimidated by her mean girl demeanor. Newsflash: that’s the real world Cheryl.

Of course, Cheryl staged a coup and got her Vixens back in time for the game, but maybe it would have been for the best if she let Appleyard take the wheel. The pop song they performed was cringe-worthy yet again proving that Riverdale’s strong suit isn’t musical numbers. They are really good at murders, though, if anyone is concerned.

Other Riverdale Musings

  • As part of his initiation, Jughead told the Q&S society his deepest darkest secrets. Did they not learn ANYTHING from The Farm? This is how they get you – this is how cults operate!
  • Brett and Donna’s deepest and darkest secrets reveal they have both endured some trauma. Hurt people hurt people, which explains their behavior towards Jughead, but it doesn’t excuse it.
  • Archie got arrested again. But at least he’s brave enough to own up to the punches he throws rather than hiding under bunny masks. Cough, Brett, cough.
  • A classic B&V brings us to old school Riverdale days. Too bad Jughead ruined everything.
  • Veronica and Reggie keyed Hiram’s car and poured rum into his engine. What is this middle school?
  • Cheryl telling Appleyard that her body is perfection is a 2020 mood.

What did you think of the Riverdale midseason premiere?

Did Betty kill Jughead?

Catch up on episodes of Riverdale right now

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Editorials

12 Crazy Moments from the Riverdale Season 4 Fall Finale

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Craziest Moments from the Riverdale Season 4 Finale

Riverdale is known from its crazy plot twists, and given that this was the midseason finale, we were expecting the cream of the crop.

We were not disappointed.

Take a look back at the wildest moments of the night.

Caution: spoilers ahead. 

You can read the full review of Riverdale Season 4 Episode 9 right here!

1. Polly Clawed off a Nurse’s Face

We haven’t seen Polly for a hot minute. If I’m being exact, I think the last time we saw her was when she tried to drown Alice as part of some Farm “rebirth” ritual. And now when we saw her, she was tied up to a bed after disfiguring a nurse at Shady Grove named Betty. Yes, disfiguring.

2. Alice Tries to Attack her Daughter with a Butcher Knife

Honestly, the headline says it all. Both Alice and Polly went full psycho after picking up a phone call that hypnotized them into attempting to kill Betty. Somehow, there’s a logical explanation.

3. Tangerine, Tangerine, Tangerine

Anyone else wondering if there’s some unrevealed backstory to the word tangerine? Does Betty hate tangerines? Did she give them to a student that was allergic? Or is the word innocent enough to hide the fact that it hypnotizes people into turning into Betty and attempting to kill her dark side aka her?

In Betty’s case, that means she’d have to kill herself, which was all part of The Farm, Edgar, and Evelyn’s plan. Seriously, how is she still getting phone privileges?

4. Cheryl Gassing Thistlehouse

While gassing the house up maybe have been a bonkers idea, it worked to snuff out the darkness hiding within the brick walls of Thistlehouse: Penelope. Cheryl figured out it was her mother who was gaslighting her in hopes that she’d lose her mind because of the Julian doll. Who knew a little roach gas was all she need to see clearly?

Read the full post at TV Fanatic! 

 

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Riverdale

Riverdale Fall Finale Review – Who Killed Jughead? (4×09)

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Riverdale Tangerine Review

Riverdale took a sharp turn for its midseason finale bringing the Jughead death into clear, well, clearer, view.

SPOILERS AHEAD

There were clues leading up to the killer’s identity throughout much of the episode.

Betty has always lived with Dark Betty’s shadow looming over her, and she’s been terrified of her serial killer gene ever since taking the FBI for kids (or whatever it was called) class, so her desire to eliminate this part of her wasn’t random, but the way the storyline was carried out was.

Evelyn was able to make two calls from Shankshaw Prison to Polly and Alice and hypnotized them via a trigger word that made them kill “Betty” aka the person in the vicinity that they believed was Betty.

Oh, and the trigger word was “tangerine” because apparently, Riverdale has a thing against sweet, orange, fruit.

At this point, I just shrug my shoulders and roll with it.

Betty was afraid that she’d be affected by the trigger word, though, it’s unlikely since she was never brainwashed by the Farm, right?

Then again, we don’t know what happened while she was briefly holed up inside those walls.

However, Betty tested it in front of Charles, which, knowing what we know, was a terrible idea, but Charles has made himself trustworthy so Betty figured this was fine.

She wasn’t phased by the trigger word immediately, but she was taken back to her youth, specifically, the moment Dark Betty was born. I cannot watch poor Caramel get crushed to death by a rock over and over, guys.

Betty’s logical was that if she could go back in time and prevent Dark Betty from being born, she’d fix the dark part of herself that she hated.

Again, sure. I’d be more inclined to think that was a good solution if it came from a therapist and not from Charles, who we know has ulterior motives.

But Betty did it and went to sleep thinking she was safe despite breaking her mirror with her fist and being completely unphased. Oh boy.

So, when the series flashed forward to Betty standing over Jughead holding a rock and presumably killing him the same way she’d killed Caramel before, it wasn’t surprising in the context of plot development.

However, looking at it as fans of the series and Betty and Jughead solo as well as a couple, it was outrageous.

The series would never allow Betty to kill her boyfriend unless they wanted to enrage fandoms and ensure the end of the series as we know it.

Which means that a. that isn’t Jughead, it’s an evil twin brother, b. Archie assumed he was dead when he was just knocked out, c. it’s a sequel to Jughead’s Baxter Brothers novel since the one that got him the contract drew inspiration from the murder of Jason Blossom, or d. I don’t know, and I’m packing.

What do you think the final scene means for Jughead going forward? Is he dead?

After scoring the contract to become the next Baxter Brothers ghost-writer, Jughead attempted to locate his grandfather.

And, he found him. Or someone who claimed to be Forsythe. He looked more like Santa than what I’d imagine FP’s abusive father would look like but whatever.

It was surprisingly easy for Jughead to locate a man who went missing years ago and didn’t want to be found. The fact that Charles helped him find Forsythe also doesn’t sit well with me. If Charles and Chip are working together to destroy Betty then chances are, they’d want to destroy Jughead too.

What are the odds this is an actor who was paid to tell Jughead what he wanted to hear about the Baxter Brothers novel so he would sign the contract?

Based on Jughead’s first words to the man, he didn’t know what his grandfather looked like, and FP never saw him since the man cleared out the trailer before Jughead could reunite them.

It’s too fishy.

Charles has been trusted by both Betty and Jughead so he knows everything and thus, can manipulate them with their weaknesses.

Another day, another terrible Archie idea.

Archie refuses to give up his vigilante life because he thinks he’s making a difference. He wants to follow in his father’s footsteps but really, his father would be disappointed in him handling everything with his fists and not his brain, though, he’d probably understand since thinking logically was never Archie’s strong suit.

Somehow, FP managed to get roped into Archie’s crusade, which would be fine if FP was solely a Serpent, but he’s also the damn Sheriff and shouldn’t be encouraging violence.

Nothing has ever truly been solved with a fistfight.

Archie didn’t just put himself in danger, but he caused FP to get shot at Pops again! How many times can a masked criminal shoot someone Archie cares about? This town, honestly.

FP fared better than Fred did when he took a bullet last time, but this triggered Archie to make another rash decision — beating up Dodger one last time.

He couldn’t let it go. Dodger and Darla were on their way out of town and yet, Archie had to go and pound him into the ground.

I’m sure there was satisfaction in that, but Archie’s grief anger brought him too close to killing a man.

And now, he’s going to have to make it up to the kids in the center who look up to him as a role model but saw him standing over a bloodied man and threatening to murder him. He’s no better than Dodger.

Veronica’s beef with Hiram is getting unbelievable. She tattled on him to his mom and he attempted to sabotage her chances of getting into an Ivy League college.

How old are they?

Veronica should have known that her father would have a patent on the rum. He’s a brilliant businessman!

And she also needs to just cut herself off from him completely, which means giving up this rum competition and focusing on what brings her joy outside of taking down her father.

Also, there’s no way any admissions interviewer would be impressed with that show Ronnie put on. Everything about it was so terrible.

And then there’s Cheryl who seems to be regaining some sanity despite locking her mother up in a bunker as a hostage. Look, Penelope had it coming.

After her productive chat with the therapist on the former Riverdale episode, Cheryl realized someone was gaslighting her and making her believe she was crazy.

The only logical person would be Penelope, so Cheryl snuffed her out by gassing Thistlehouse.

She then put her on trial so that Penelope would face all the horrendous things she’s done, and Penelope admitted she was fueled by jealousy over Cheryl’s relationship with dead Jason. Again, what?

The positive outcome was that Cheryl acknowledged it was time to let Jason rest even if the way she sent him away was by re-enacting his death down Sweetwater River.

You know, I’m going to let this one slide for Cheryl’s sanity.

Other Riverdale Thoughts

  • Is the Farm responsible for those stalker-ish VHS tapes too? Isn’t it time to wrap up the Farm storyline? It keeps rearing its ugly head when it should have been left behind in Season 3.
  • Why didn’t anyone question why Cheryl had a mummified corpse of Jason?
  • Jughead was initiated into the secret society, but he should have just rejected the offer.

What did you think of the Riverdale midseason finale?

Are things getting too insane even by Riverdale standards?

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