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Riverdale

Riverdale – Primary Colors (2×16)

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Riverdale finally revealed what we all already knew — Chic isn’t Hal’s son. Hence, Hal’s distaste for Chic was actually logical.

Another thing we already knew? Chic is creepy as all hell. And he’ll do anything to ruin Betty in whatever twisted plan he has for the Cooper family.

After Dark Betty threatened him, he went and told Alice all about it and even dug up Betty’s wig, which he told her mother she uses when she has sex with Jughead.

To echo Betty’s disgust, “how would you even know that?” That alone raised Chic’s creep factor to level 300.

Alice was less upset about her daughter having sex and more upset about the fact that it was with a Jones boy because “she knows how charming they can be.”

Yep, Alice admitted to having a relationship with FP but swore up and down that he isn’t Chic’s father. Yeah okay, Alice.

I’m willing to bet that Chic actually knows who his father is!

Things aren’t much calmer at the Lodge mansion where Hermione is doing everything in her power to secure her mayoral bid. It seems Hiram is making use of his purchase of The Register as Hal is conducting an interview with pre-written questions that paint Hermione is a nice light.

Hermione and Hiram ask Veronica to “keep her head down” and stay out of the spotlight until elections are over because, at this point, everyone hates her family. Being low key doesn’t come naturally to Roni though. First Ethel threw a milkshake in her face (dang, Ethel), then Veronica punched Chuck after he made a snide comment about her father being locked up in the prisons he was building, and then she decided to run for student council with Betty by her side.

Veronica convinced Josie to give her a “celebrity endorsement” much like Andy Cohen’s unnecessary one for Hermione Lodge (yay, you know famous people, we should totally vote for you!). And she happily obliged after Veronica promised to get her a guest-appearance on Watch What Happens Live (yah, ok!).

However, Veronica underestimated Josie. Why would she help her after everything her family has done to her and her mother?

So it definitely wasn’t a surprise when she ended up being the one that steered Ethel into handing out flyers with “facts” about Veronica and her corrupt family during the performance. Veronica really thought that she could just bribe Ethel with some whack promise of a job at the new prison. Yes, Roni, thank you for saving our defunct town. Everyone wants the Lodges to pay for what they’ve done and continue to do to this town, including Betty, who was Veronica’s strongest supporter until she was blindsided by all of her lies. V knew what her parents were planning all along.

Really, the only person Veronica has in her corner at this point is Archie and that might change if his mother has anything to do with it.

Mary returned to town to help Fred get out of his iron-clad contract with Hiram. Negotiations didn’t go well but Archie, who thinks he has some power over Hiram since they are blood brothers, asked him to release his father.

Hiram did but in turn, Archie had to go and thwart Jughead’s hunger strike (ha! he’s always eating) and protest of Southside High in front of everyone. Not only did Archie look like Hiram’s little puppet, he also kickstarted a war with his only friend.

“I want them to see you do it,” Jughead said establishing that Archie is on the wrong side of history. If everyone is against Hiram, why does he still think he’s doing the right thing?

I love that Jughead was called out for his sudden devotion to the Southside because I’ve been saying that for quite some time. Yet his reasoning really put his motives in perspective for me. He may have just transferred to the school, but he grew up on the Southside. That’s where all of his memories with his family as a whole are; it’s home. Sorry for ever doubting you, kid!

Even his mother knocks some sense into Archie when she tells him that Hiram may seem all-powerful but he shouldn’t be turning his back on those that have always been there, namely his father who has done everything to provide for his family.

And since Fred has decided to run for mayor on his own terms with Mary by his side, Archie will find himself in quite a bind. Which family does he support? He did make that blood-pact to stand by the Lodges no matter what.

Fred isn’t the only one trying to stand up for what he believes in. After his altercation with Archie and Betty’s fallout with Veronica, the two decide to run for student council together.

If they don’t stand up for something, they’ll fall for anything.

Let’s hope their platform is a winning one.

In addition to being running mates, Betty is also moving in because she can’t go home to her prison of a home anymore. A prison she created herself might I remind you.

How will Alice react to that? She’s obviously not a fan of Betty’s relationship with Juggy and she’s delusional because she thinks Chic’s intentions are actually pure.

Meanwhile, he’s basically untouchable and he made sure of it by allowing Alice and Betty to deal with the murder and get their prints all over the body while he stood by on the sidelines.

If they even try to take him down, he can go to the police and incriminate them. Oh boy, ladies, what have you done?

Remember when Penelope and Claudius talked about eliminating Nana Rose and Cheryl and Cheryl overheard them?

Well, she had every right to become paranoid about what they would do. It seems like not even a house full of girls for a sleepover could hinder their plans of taking the Blossom money for themselves.

As Cheryl talks about how her home is a prison, something Betty can definitely relate to, she tells the girls everything. And if you thought she was making it up, the fact that Nana Rose fell down a flight of stairs shortly after is proof enough. Or should I say pushed down the stairs?

At the hospital, the doctor tells Cheryl that there are traces of tannis root in her system. Rosemary’s Baby much?

Cheryl wants to tell the doctor that her mother is trying to eliminate her, but Penelope sweeps right in.

Their car ride is ominous, especially when Penelope tells Cheryl she leaves her no choice and “they’re going to make you all better.”

Turns out, Penelope is really homophobic and when she realized Cheryl was getting close to another girl, she used that as an excuse to send her daughter to “boarding school in Switzerland,” which is code for some asylum where Cheryl is sitting in pigtails and the nurse plans to “rid her of all the naughty demons and unnatural thoughts” with conversion therapy.

Alright, they’ve done it, that is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen on The CW.

Do you think she’s been committed to Sisters of Quiet Mercy?

And don’t expect Toni to go gently into that dark night — she’s going to bring out the girls to look for Cheryl. She knows better than to underestimate Penelope.

It’s nice to see Cheryl have someone in her corner for once.

Other Thoughts

  • Do girls really have sleepovers where they braid each others hair in a line?
  • Cheryl referring to Betty as “cousin Betty” was hilarious.
  • Is Claudius really Clifford’s twin or did Clifford fake his own death and is now posing as his brother? Or is Penelope now sleeping with Claudius hence the “he’s wearing my father’s pajamas” comment?
  • I cannot believe Kevin sold Betty out about the catfishing. Is he so desperate for love he’s willing to trust Chic? Hoes before bros Kev!
  • Hiram still thinks he can just buy everyone’s love even FP and Jughead’s. Offering them the penthouse in his new low-income housing? What’s the catch?

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Riverdale

Riverdale – American Dreams (3×15)

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Riverdale American Dreams

Be still my heart. There was a total of three breakups on tonight’s episode.

We’ll start with the most devastating one: Choni.

Cheryl and Toni’s relationship was intense and fueled by passion from start to possible finish. Or at least I think it’s finished.

Things between the ladies have been tense ever since Toni assumed control of the Pretty Poisons.

Cheryl tried to smooth it over by doing what she does best, lavishing her loved one with gifts, or a spring break trip to Quebec to be more exact, but Toni once again chose her girl gang over her girlfriend.

Cheryl has been making an effort to patch up the weirdness between them, but when she saw Toni singing “Call Your Girlfriend” with Ronnie at the speakeasy — don’t you think it would have been better if they sang “Break Up With Your Girlfriend, Cause I’m Bored”? — she took extreme measures.

Toni caught onto her girlfriend’s attempt at getting her attention and fell for it.

But the making up seemed like the last hurrah before breaking up. After getting down, dirty and blindfolded on the pool table, Cheryl and Toni faced the issue at the core of their relationship: things were moving too fast.

Toni admitted that maybe they decided to move in together too quickly, and Cheryl agreed that Toni moving out may be the best solution.

That definitely seems like a break up to me.

I’m not surprised Toni is feeling like she doesn’t have her own space at Thistlehouse.

Cheryl is a very domineering person and though she doesn’t realize it, it’s very easy for someone to get gobbled up in her world. Almost instantaneously, the two became inseparable and almost meshed into one person.

At times, it was almost unhealthy which is why it became so toxic so quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Choni, but I do think time apart will do them both some good.

Cheryl then funneled all her rage and frustration into the upcoming school musical.

Despite The Farm’s insistence that they do Godspeed, Cheryl was feeling Heather’s more, not to mention she was already playing croquet.

Considering how confrontational Kevin was with Betty on last week’s Riverdale, it was shocking to see him get bulldozed by Cheryl again.

I thought The Farm ran things around here, but it just goes to show how powerful Cheryl’s reach really is.

Up next in the breakup department: Ronnie and Reggie.

Reggie wanted his efforts at La Bonne Nuit recognized which is fair, but it also seems like it came out of left field.

I’ll agree that he’s sacrificed a lot for Ronnie and her business, but I don’t think she’s ever treated him unfairly or been ungrateful for his loyalty.

Wanting to be cut in as a business partner is a tall ask. He should have been content with simply getting way more than minimum wage because hello, you’re a high school student who didn’t have much going for him.

Also, didn’t it seem like Reggie was getting a thrill out of working alongside Ronnie?

She may have come off as the ultimate B, but I’m all here for a woman who isn’t interested in sharing a piece of her pie with a man just because his ego has been bruised slightly.

Reggie proved that he doesn’t have the savviness to be an equal partner when he attempted to steal his car back from Gladys.

Bruh, this is a small town. I’m pretty sure she would have figured it out at some point but alas, he was caught red-handed.

His little stunt only intensified the tension between Ronnie and Gladys.

In the end, Ronnie got Reggie his car back but cut ties with him professionally and personally.

“We don’t owe each other anything.” Boss move.

I really hope that car was worth it, Reggie.

And the third couple to go down the train was FP and Alice.

This one really stung because man, FP and Alice were the high school sweetheart who finally had their moment.

Alice’s mystery home buyer turned out to be Gladys Jones, who was trying to right her wrongs with the family.

Her approach was rather aggressive; she didn’t ease into the idea of having them all move in together and getting back together with FP, she just full on committed to it.

Jughead was weary, and he had every right to be because a woman who ditched her family and then came back pretending like nothing ever happened, should never be trusted.

FP’s guard wasn’t as high up though partly because he was feeling so blessed on his 50th (!) birthday.

Gladys is a mastermind. She knew the right moment to move back into FP’s life was when he was feeling sentimental.

Seeing his family back together and finally on the right side of town made FP break things off with Alice who was hurt by his decision.

“That’s the mother of my child,” FP told her as if that had anything to do with being a good and necessary parent.

Truthfully, I’m a little disappointed with FP for having his blinders on and being so trustworthy. He, of all people, should know his wife the best.

My gut tells me it won’t be long before Alice returns to the fold because he’ll figure out Glady’s true motives soon enough.

Jughead can’t keep them a secret from his dad forever. He may have played it cool during his touching (I cried) birthday speech, but their relationship is too close for Jughead to keep this from his pops.

It was unfair of Gladys to put Jughead in such a predicament. This only proves that she doesn’t care about her son nearly as much as she’s letting on.

It’s especially upsetting to watch because having his family back together is all Jughead has ever wanted though this isn’t really what he had in mind.

How can a mother make her son feel responsible for his father’s potential breakdown? If she hadn’t gotten involved in shady things after he’d finally righted his wrongs they wouldn’t be in this mess.

Related: Riverdale – Fire Walk With Me (3×14)

Jughead believes he can save his sister, protect his father and run his mother out of town all at once, but he’s really underestimating his mother’s grip on Jelly Bean. As we’ve seen, she’s her mother’s daughter and in on this whole plan.

I also worry what happen to Alice now that she’s lost possibly the only link to her sanity. Losing FP will likely cause her to get even deeper with The Farm, and we know nothing good can come of it.

The best part of FP’s 50th birthday party was Fred Andrews showing up to give him a warm hug and welcome him to the neighborhood.

But hearing Luke Perry say “as I live and breathe” just didn’t sit right on the day of his alleged funeral.

Somebody should have cut that moment because it was just too soon.

Jughead wasn’t just dealing with his mother becoming the new Fizzle Rocks kingpin and his father’s celebration, he and Betty also teamed up to help Archie outsmart the Gryphons and Gargoyle’s players with the quest to ‘Kill the Red Paladin.’

Surprisingly, we got our first ever confession from Hiram Lodge who admitted to Archie that he was the one who orchestrated the attack on him and printed dozen’s of cards that marked him for death.

Archie was way calmer than I would have been in that situation.

Hiram’s confession sort of indirectly answered the “who is the Gargoyle King” mystery, if anyone even still cares about that.

This nerdy game’s purpose has been kind of muddled in all the mysterious narratives plaguing Riverdale.

Jughead and Betty drew in those who wanted to kill him by ammending the quest and using Archie’s boxing triumphs to his advantage.

Archie’s no stranger to messing up that pretty face of his so he took the hits like a man and came out the reigning champ.

Now, can we please put this Red Paladin storyline to rest once and for all?

Archie and Hiram’s truce remained in tact and as an apology, Hiram gifted the hole-in-the-wall boxing ring to him.

He specified the gift was “no strings attached,” but when has that ever been the case with Hiram?

Archie’s never going to shake him!

What did you think of tonight’s Riverdale episode, Cravers? Are you excited for another musical installment? Do you think anything can top the previous one?

Will Betty move in with Jughead? Will FP find out the truth about Gladys?

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Riverdale

Riverdale – Fire Walk With Me (3×14)

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Riverdale Fire Walk With Me

Seeing the In Memorium for Luke Perry shine across the screen almost felt surreal.

Watching his scenes with Archie and hearing his calm and comforting voice brought tears to my eyes even though I should have been terrified because young Ricky was running loose with a gun and a vendetta to kill Archie.

I don’t know how Riverdale is going to handle Perry’s death, but no matter what they do, it’ll be heartbreaking.

As for the episode itself, is anyone a little confused by this town’s obsession with Gryphons and Gargoyles? Only the weirdos seem to be playing it, and Hiram Lodge, yet it’s somehow creating problems for everyone.

And just when you thought it was all behind you, Kurtz joins the Serpents and tries to throw Fangs off of a staircase to make him ascend, and Ricky befriends Archie simply to kill him.

Seriously, is it okay if I say ask “what the actual hell?”

Ricky really caught me off guard —  I was not expecting that little boy to come after Archie with a knife let alone to have stalked Archie for weeks to figure out how to best get in his good graces.

He even carved in the ‘sacrifice’ symbol into his own wrist to make his story more believable!

Archie should never let his guard down in Riverdale again.

And Archie is the sweetest soul to have ever existed. He took care of this boy, took him under his wing, gave him food and shelter, and even tried to find him a good home.

He’s too sweet so anyone could take advantage of him.

The biggest twist came with the revelation that Ricky was Joaquin’s brother and finishing up his dirty work.

This isn’t over yet, but at least now Archie has the protection of the Serpents.

Jughead has been struggling as their Serpent King as of late and it’s not surprising; he has a handful of OG Serpents and a bunch of former Gargoyle Kings with absolutely no loyalty or purpose.

Kurtz was the worst of the lot and even tried using the fact that he and his friends were in the majority to disobey Jughead.

Jughead figured out how to restore order by giving the Serpents a new focus. From now on, they will be working for FP Jones and helping out the Riverdale police department while getting paid for it.

Now that’s what a leader does!

With gangs running rampant around this town, they might as well put these kids to good use. And what better use of gangs than for a non-existent police department.

I think the only person working for the police is the damn Sheriff.

The gangs aren’t the only ones running around town like madmen without any self-control.

Hiram Lodge and Gladys Jones took over Veronica’s speakeasy as if they owned the place doing as they pleased all because she owed them a little money.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than business-savvy Ronnie.

She may be indebted to these two fools, but that doesn’t mean she has to let them get their way in her club.

The Speakeasy wasn’t part of the deal. How nice it must be for her to finally own something that belongs to her.

It’s also dangerous because knowing her father, he’ll change the rules and demand the money be paid in full or else he’ll take her bar from her.

Realistically, Ronnie didn’t need the protection of the Pretty Poison’s to keep Hiram and Gladys out, but I won’t be upset that she’s employing young females!

Cheryl, on the other hand, might be a little peeved with Toni. Cheryl’s not comfortable not being in control and making the shots. She’s always been the leader when it came to the cheerleading squad, but now that Toni isn’t letting her have the upper hand, it’s causing a bit of a rift in their relationship.

If Cheryl doesn’t learn to play nice, she’s going to lose the best thing that ever happened to her and it will be a shame.

And then we have the mess that continues to be The Farm.

There’s no clear direction when it comes to the cultish establishment aside from the fact that they prey on young, vulnerable and impressionable minds.

Evelyn Evernever is clearly manipulative, but we learned just how much when she and Kevin threatened to expose Betty’s murderous ways while incriminating Alice, Jughead and FP Jones in order to silence her from writing an expose on The Farm.

How is Betty the only one suspicious of them if they have so many members in Riverdale?

And why is their M/O to have members put themselves in harm’s way?

Kevin’s behavior towards Betty was disappointing. That’s not the Kevin we know, but it’s definitely the Kevin that was hurt and allowed a cult to influence his decisions.

First they require him to walk on fire to cleanse himself of his sins and leave the past behind, but what’s next? How far will they go before someone is seriously hurt?

Betty may be against The Farm but something about them appealed to her when she considered burning her hand.

Instead, she burnt the house to the ground right after Alice sold it to an anonymous buyer.

Reckless? Definitely. But not any more reckless that Alice has been since joining The Farm.

Where is Betty supposed to go and live since she’s not part of the cult and doesn’t want to join? She doesn’t think about anyone aside from herself.

While the craziness of The Farm, Gryphons and Gargoyles and Fizzle Rocks is still affecting Riverdale, there was a moment of normalcy that we haven’t seen much of this season — Jughead, Archie, Betty and Veronica all hung out together as besties for a little bit.

I’ve missed the bond that these four have formed. It’s been a minute since the series just focused on friendship arguably it’s strongest angle.

When do you think we’ll finally meet Edgar Evernever? Is the old Kevin gone for good?

How will Archie protect himself from further Gryphons and Gargoyles attacks?

 

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Riverdale

Riverdale – Bizarrodale (3×12)

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Riverdale Bizarrodale

There is absolutely no better word to describe Riverdale than bizarrodale.

In all honesty, I’m pretty confused as to the purpose of this whole Gargoyle King and/or Gryphons and Gargoyles storyline.

Initially, the storyline seemed promising, but much like the Black Hood, the reveals of the Gargoyle King — there have been two thus far — have been mediocre.

Tall Boy was a fake-out, but the second Gargoyle King ended up being Mason, Moose’s in-the-closet father who had a crush on Tommy?

Seriously. We’ve only seen Mason like two times this whole season.

This means there are iterations of the Gargoyle King to take care of personal business, but the main GK is still to be discovered. Like FP said, it’s like playing whack-a-mole until we finally encounter the real one.

Truthfully, I don’t even care who the real Gargoyle King is because does it even matter?

We’re supposed to believe that Mason wanted to date Tommy, went to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for gay conversion therapy, thought the GK made him straight again only to express jealousy upon finding out that his son, a gay man, was dating Tommy’s gay son?

It’s a mouthful, I know.

Two things immediately stick out to me that make me question the validity of this story. For starters, when did the Sisters start having male students? Second off, if Mason met the Gargoyle King, it stands to reason that Fizzle Rocks were definitely around back then.

And, on top of that, we’re supposed to believe Mason was crafty enough to reunite the Midnight Club for another rendezvous?

I’m not buying it. I think this storyline was slapped together and the last minute and it’s falling apart in fact-checking.

After all that Kevin has been through, can’t he just find a significant other that can openly be with him without dying or almost being killed by his own dad?

Though, I will admit the scene where all the parents realized the Ascension Night was just a facade to target their children was really brilliant.

A lot of people are having sex in Riverdale, you guys. These teen hormones are outrageous. I wonder what’s in the water in Riverdale aside from Fizzle Rocks runoff.

Cheryl had a few questionable moments this week as she purposefully outed Moose thinking she was doing the right thing.

I’m really happy that the writers immediately addressed that Cheryl hijacking his coming out was not okay.

It’s a deeply personal decision and definitely not one someone should be pressured into.

Riverdale also did a good job at addressing the dangers of being outed to parents that aren’t fully supportive.

Cheryl of all people should know what it’s like dealing with a parent who doesn’t support her sexuality. It was a bit strange after Penelope tried to sabotage her entrance interview into college that Cheryl would still think outing someone would be a good idea.

Or that Toni would suggest that Cheryl knows nothing about dealing with unsupportive family members.

By the end of the episode, Cheryl had successfully blackmailed her mother, won her way back into the college of her choice, and even scored Toni an interview.

Yes, queens.

And as a make good, she even formed a new gang for Toni called the Pretty Poison.

I don’t know if Riverdale really needs any more gangs, but it can’t hurt to have a girl gang around, can it?

Also, how hilarious is it that Penelope believes Cheryl is an abomination but doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with owning a brothel?

There was a significant focus on secondary characters which was appreciated since audiences are always complaining that Kevin and Josie don’t get nearly enough screentime.

Josie’s music aspirations were at the forefront as she prepared for an audition at Julliard.

Archie found Josie crying about how she wouldn’t be able to get to the audition because Sweet Pea wouldn’t take her since they officially broke up.

I knew they hooked up at that one summer party, but who knew they were actually together?

Or that Sweet Pea was so sensitive and couldn’t do this whole back and forth thing with Josie? The moment seemed so ill-fitting and was probably only included to pair Josie with Archie with irritates me. Sweet Pea is above being a plot device.

Archie, owing Josie a favor after she helped sober him up and get him on the right track, offered to give her a ride.

Sadly, Josie’s pipes didn’t make the cut, but they were good enough to jam out with Archie.

That eventually led to a kiss which we all knew was coming and bam — Riverdale’s newest couple is here.

Or is it? Ashley Murray (who plays Josie) just signed onto The CW’s new Riverdale spin-off, Katy Keene. Does that mean her romance with Archie is short-lived?

I’ve expressed my concerns about Archie corrupting sweet little Josie, but now I’m more terrified of how Veronica will react.

Sure, she’s doing her thing with Reggie, but will she be okay with her ex and her friend hooking up?

In reality, I think Ronnie has bigger fish to fry than who Archie’s sleeping with as she unintentionally got involved in her family business.

After burning the Fizzle Rocks factory, Hermione forced Ronnie and Reggie to pay back all the money.

For someone who is loaded, Veronica had a really difficult time coming up with the cash. I don’t know if it’s because she’s with Reggie, but recently, her plans just haven’t made all that much sense.

How did they not consider that the money taken from a bank would be doused in exploding ink? Or that the security guard would have a gun? Amateurs.

Though their Bonnie & Clyde dynamic is a welcome change from her Romeo & Juliet relationship with Archie caused by her father.

And the dangerous kingpin? None other than Mama Jughead.

Yep, it seems Gladys is back in town and she just singlehandedly stole the game from everyone.

The Lodges are indebted to her, Veronica and Reggie are working for her, FP is Sheriff and Jughead has control of the Serpents.

And the most dangerous aspect is that FP and Jughead don’t expect a thing.

I am honestly so disappointed that Jelly Bean is playing her father and brother like that.

I also cannot wait until Gladys and Alice finally come face-to-face.

And speaking of Alice, will we ever find out what’s going on with The Farm? The storyline seems to be abandoned unless they have something to do with the game and the Gargoyle King.

Turning it over to you, Riverdale Cravers.

Are Josie and Archie going to be serious? What does Gladys want from Riverdale? Are Hermione and Hiram still aligned? How will Kevin mend his broken heart?

Oh, and congrats Sierra and Tommy. Those two lovebirds finally tied the knot, even if it did piss off half the town!

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