Coyote Ugly, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Riverdale Season 5 Episode 13 definitely shouted out some classics.
And honestly, leave it up to Riverdale to find a way to cram all of that into one hour.
Betty is seriously impressive. She spends her nights staking out the Lonely Highway in search of the trucker who kidnapped Polly and plots his demise during the day, which includes dancing on tables as part of a covert operation.
An it worked since she ended the evening by hitching a ride with the shady man in question.
But that’s precisely why it was frustrating to watch her abandon all rational thought and make the reckless decision to jump in the truck.
Sure, she texted Tabitha right before, so at least she wasn’t going in completely blind, but this could have taken a very dark and dangerous turn.
I know Betty will do anything to chase down a promising lead that may save her sister, but why does it have to be at the expense of her own safety?
She wasn’t even armed! And while she didn’t need a gun to defend herself, it would’ve been helpful to stop the guy wielding a chainsaw.
It was already concerning when he talked about the “beauty” of watching someone die.
Tabitha and Betty are a dream team.
Who knew two of Jughead’s love interests could jive so well.
Part of me is kind of rooting for Tabitha and Betty to get together!
The only thing Tabitha didn’t take into consideration is that Betty wasn’t interested in following the rules even after catching the guy. She knew that if she turned the trucker over to the FBI — aka her grimy ex Glenn — she had a slim shot of finding her sister, so she decided to lock him up until he gives over Polly’s location.
Unfortunately, it’s not looking too good for Polly. If the dude was that eager to kill Betty, why would she think that Polly is alive?
And what does this have to do with the Mothmen? I really hope that storyline isn’t abandoned. Also, will this storyline finally lead us to more info about Lynette Fields aka Squeaky?
Riverdale loves itself a musical number, and while I didn’t completely hate the Coyote Ugly scene, I wish they’d just give it a rest.
The show is already weird enough without them. Why make it worse?
Everything about Cheryl’s storyline is so cringeworthy. Cheryl went from scoffing at her mother’s desire to start her own church to embracing the idea of ministry wholeheartedly. Why?
It’s fine if her calling is helping people, but I’m getting cult-y vibes. And we’ve already been down the cult road with The Farm. We don’t need to do it again.
Even worse — Kevin’s been sucked into this mess.
Kevin is impressionable, so it’s not surprising, but is his calling really to serve as an artistic director for some made up religion?
I think being “Teacher of the Year” is significantly better.
Moose and Fangs are together, and after the initial shock and heartbreak, Kevin was supportive. Also, Moose is back, though, it’s unclear if that’s a permanent thing.
Meanwhile, Toni is still missing. My guess is that it’s because the episodes were filmed after Vanessa Morgan gave birth, but it’s frustrating that the series promised to give Toni a largely presence in the season yet she’s been absent from several episodes.
Veronica and Reggie teamed up to push her Wall Street business. Turns out, they’re both really good at cold calling and landing clients. Sales is the name of the game.
The bad news is that they definitely crossed Hiram Lodge for coming for his investors by revealing that he was never planning on keeping his promise to build SoDale.
Hiram is probably regretting letting Reggie go since he knows his deepest and darkest secrets.
With this move, the Veronica and Hiram rivalry lives to see another day.
And finally, Archie has acknowledged that he’s suffering from PTSD after Uncle Frank brought home a stray dog to help Eric deal with his violent outbursts.
Through flashbacks, Archie realized that he never dealt with the death of one of his soldiers, Bingo, and it was affecting him subconsciously.
He took that anger out on a dog breeder who was running a dog fighting ring. He deserved it, hands down, but it was also an indication that Archie wasn’t in a good headspace.
Riverdale isn’t the best when it comes to story continuity, so it’s nice to see them address Archie’s time as a soldier rather than simply ignoring it now that he’s back in his hometown.
It’s also important to raise awareness about the dangers of war and how little is done to help vets find their footing following traumatic experiences in the real world.
How do you think Archie will learn to cope?
What’s Betty’s plan for the trucker? And how will it all connect to Jughead?
Riverdale Season 7 Premiere Review – Don’t Worry Darling
It’s the beginning of the end for Riverdale. After an 8 months hiatus, The CW series kicked off transporting the Riverdaleans (Cheryl said it!) smack dab into the middle of 1955.
Jughead was seemingly the only one from the group to remember that they were actually from the future, but his attempts at jogging everyone’s memory using a time capsule were fruitless, nearly backfiring as Archie, the picture of an all-American boy, suggested people were going to think he was a “loony” and warned him not to get sent to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Remember how good it was when that place no longer existed?
Much of the episode focused on Jughead wondering if the cataclysmic event of Bailey’s Comet simply brought them to the past or if this was a past from another alternate universe, while the rest of Riverdale’s finest lived their best lives… or as good as they were going to get in the ’50s.
Veronica Lodge arrived in town from sunny Los Angeles where things were anything but. After a deep heart-to-heart with Archie, who was goo-goo gaga over her the minute she walked into the classroom, she revealed that her parents abandoned her because of their devotion to their hit series, Oh Mija! Is it giving anyone else Live with Kelly! vibes? Veronica hid behind red lipstick and thick-framed spectacles, but in reality, she was just covering up that she’s a lonely girl who wants to be loved.
It was nice seeing the characters in the “original” Archie Comics versions, though I don’t think anyone is actually buying that Archie can pass for a junior in high school, not even KJ Apa. There were times when it almost seemed like he was trying to stifle a laugh over the material, but I chalked it up to Archie’s go-lucky attitude.
Betty spent most of the episode helping Toni and Tabatha spread the message of what they witnessed in Mississippi during the Emmett Till trial. Riverdale has always steered from addressing current events, but you can’t really tap into the fabric of the ’50s without acknowledging one of the most appalling events of the era. There was so much more to the time that would shape the future other than rock n’ roll, hot rods, and poodle skirts—though that was a vibe.
As Jughead put it, anyone who considered the ’50s to be the greatest decade needed their head examined. I’m sure you could say that about any decade, but the focus on Till’s murder lent itself to a point that the real Tabitha made toward the end of the episode about ensuring that the moral arc of this universe bends toward justice. Even without that knowledge, the ladies of ’50s Riverdale went above and beyond to ensure that Till’s story was told, deciding to deal with whatever consequences may come at a later time. They were determined to make a stand, be heard, and make a change, kickstarting important discussions. It was also nice to see Toni get some powerful material to work with.
All of their actions in this timeline ensure that, at some point, they can make it back to a Riverdale that’s not on the verge of moral and societal collapse as it was right before Bailey’s Comic struck. It’s a situation of the past impacting the present.
Riverdale has never been a series that’s forthcoming with answers, so it was nice that the real Tabitha—the one from the present and Riverdale’s Guardian Angel—clarified what happened to not only Jughead, who was kind of spiraling, but also the audience. We don’t have to wait several episodes to get some clarity!
In short, Cheryl wasn’t successful in stopping Bailey’s Comic from extinguishing Riverdale, and the trip to the ’50s was Tabitha’s last-ditch effort to save everyone by throwing them into a timeline where she would have enough time to reverse the effects and hopefully find a way to get everything back sorted and everyone back to their timelines. It’s a tall order, and one she needs to embark on knowing that Jughead isn’t running around causing ripples and corrupting the timeline by asking too many questions. Essentially, there’s no Riverdale to get back to, so why would she let Jughead suffer in the ’50s by holding onto all of his memories, especially when no one else had any recollection of the past-future? It would be torture for him. And thus, she made the conscious choice to erase his memory, which actually might be more torturous for him as now he’ll go on trying to remember what it is that he forgot.
Maybe he’ll figure it all out with time. He did write all those comics logging what happened to them while chowing down a 30-cent burger and fries at Pops! All I know is that his makeout session with Veronica in the teaser trailer makes a lot more sense if Jughead has absolutely no idea what’s going on just like the rest of them.
It’s a different dynamic for Riverdale, but somehow, it feels like the most grounded and normal season… for now, at least. I know things are about to take a wild turn as everyone fully embraces the ’50s and new relationships start forming, but it also feels like the closest we’ve ever gotten to the most authentic Archie Comics characters. It’s a refreshing twist for the final season, that’s for sure.
The slate has basically been wiped clean, and anything can happen, but the innocence of the season likely won’t stick around for much longer either, if the teasers are to be believed. Tabitha mentioned that the timelines have been knotted, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that means that strange things are about to start happening—stranger than we’ve ever seen before.
- Jughead telling everyone where they end up in the future was comical as he really had to hold back for Kevin and Cheryl, simply suggesting that one of them joined an organ harvesting club and the other became a witch. I wouldn’t believe Jughead either.
- Jughead suggesting Betty and Archie make out on his bed while they blow up a bomb underneath wasn’t his best moment… I know that’s how they got into this mess in the first place, but it was pretty desperate.
- It’s strange to see Betty’s whole family back together again as one big happy unit, including Hal Cooper.
- I’m hoping we get to see an appearance from Hiram Lodge this season—he’s a crucial part of Riverdale.
- Jughead owning a dog named Hot Dog truly is so fitting.
- Cheryl’s twin isn’t Jason Blossom, it’s Julian, which might be the hardest change to wrap your head around, especially because her relationship with Julian is the complete opposite of the bond she had with Jason!
- Tabitha and Jughead truly are endgame. Their kiss at the end was mesmerizing, and such a heartbreaking moment for her to give up the love of her life for the greater good.
- “Awesome… I mean swell.” The writers are having a lot of fun here already.
I can’t wait to see how the series comes back from an extinction-level event and reverses all of this. It’s been—and continues to be—a wild ride.
What did you think of the episode? Did you like the reset or do you miss old, tortured Riverdale?
QUIZ: Which ‘Riverdale’ Villain Are You?
Riverdale has seen its fair share of psychos, serial killers, and murderous villains. After all, it didn’t get the nickname ‘the murder capital of the world’ for no reason.
Find out which villain you’d be by taking our quiz below. Share your results in the comments or on social media at @CraveYouTV!
Coffee Table News
Lili Reinhart Claps Back at ‘Riverdale’ Haters Ahead of Final Season Premiere
The wait for the seventh and final season of Riverdale is almost over, but not everyone has nice things to say about it.
While it’s true that The CW series has gone off the rails the last few seasons, it’s undoubtedly one of the reasons why fans continue to tune in. In fact, I’m personally looking forward to seeing how unhinged things actually get in their final hurrah.
On March 2, the network gave fans a look at all the madness, revealing that 1955 might be the craziest time period yet, as all of Riverdale’s finest revert to high schoolers after Cheryl Blossom destroyed a comet and somehow, accidentally caused everyone to travel back in time.
Anyway, the point is, things are all over the place in the trailer as Archie and Cheryl are dating and planning on getting married, Jughead—reportedly the only one who actually remembers the present-day and knows what’s really going on—making out with Veronica for some reason, Betty trying to have sex with Kevin (who is in the closet because it’s the ’50s), zombies… maybe?, the return of Ethel Muggs covered in blood, a possible orgy, and honestly, so much more that I can’t even wrap my head around.
The year is 1955. The final season of #Riverdale premieres Wednesday, March 29th on The CW! pic.twitter.com/3skiIutOEW
— Riverdale (@CW_Riverdale) March 2, 2023
Riverdale is going out with a bang, pushing the boundaries to where they haven’t gone before—and they’ve gone far.
Most fans, like myself, are thrilled, but one comment didn’t sit well with Lili Reinhart, who plays Betty Cooper.
“oh my god….. those poor actors are finally gonna be free,” one user on Twitter wrote, likely prompting the scathing response from Reinhart on Instagram Story.
@lilireinhart I love you for this, Riverdale is living in their heads rent free pic.twitter.com/YVoNrvbCRF
— no context riverdale (@nocontextrvd) March 3, 2023
And honestly, that’s the Betty Cooper energy we need. The cast may have spoken out about their willingness to pursue other projects after seven seasons, but there’s no denying that this is the show that put them on the map and catapulted them into stardom.
There’s also the fact that we’ve all, fans included, invested an enormous amount of time into the series, so no matter what, we’re going to be sad when it ends.
As one comment pointed out, the show prides itself on being “weird” and that isn’t news.
We—and the cast— know what we’re getting into with Riverdale…. and we’re doing so willingly.
Riverdale’s final season kicks off on Wednesday, March 29 on The CW! You can catch up on all of our previous content and reviews right here!
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