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Scream Queens

Scream Queens – Warts and All (2×02)

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How are the Chanels, Zayday and Munsch not tired of being hunted down by a masked serial killer on Scream Queens? I mean what are the odds that this happens to them TWICE!

Zayday proved to be the only one with a brain this week after everyone just assumed Chanel #2 lied about the beheading of werewolf girl and the threat of a new serial killer, who only left behind green slime.

Thinking that it was bizarre that Dean Munsch was working after hours right as the attack happened, Zayday did some digging and uncovered a gruesome truth about the haunted hospital – a massacre occured there on Halloween in the 80s and the only thing the killer left behind the same exact green slime. History is about to repeat itself it seems.

She believes Dean Munsch is the killer or working with the killer in an attempt to get back at the Chanel’s. Honestly, the theory is realistic but after confronting her, Munsch swears she opened the hospital in order to cure her own incurable disease. For months she’s been plagued by headaches, night sweats and a weird walk. No “real” doctors have been able to figure it out until Zayday (really, she is the ONLY one with a brain) realized that it was kuru – a disease specific to New Guinea that stems from people eating infected brain parts of the dead. Really Munsch… people eating? According to the “scientific evidence” she only has about 6 months to live.

Munsch wants to keep that info private but of course, the creepy resident nurse who still doesn’t have a name but is played by Kristie Alley has bugged Munch’s office. At this point, we don’t know what her motive or plan is but we know that she’s really interested in bringing down the Chanel’s, so there’s that.

Now back to the killer – no one believed #2 that there in fact was a new killer on the loose until some of them actually saw him themselves. Dean Munsch was ambushed by monster while working the night shift in the hospital. Proving that she’s still got the fight in her despite her unpleasant and deadly disease, she kicked the monsters butt and was about to unmask it when #3 and Brock interrupted. Good timing guys!

This prompts Dean Munsch to call in FBI’s Denise Hemphill – not the cops because they are stupid remember? Hemphill advises them all to go chat with an actual serial killer. I admit, it’s nice to see Hester again, especially finally locked away where she belongs. Hester definitely has some intel on the new murders but she isn’t saying a peep unless her needs are met. How hard could getting some discontinued beauty products and a new room with a view at the C.U.R.E institute really be? Should they even negotiate with one serial killer to get rid of the other? The obvious answer is no but I have a feeling Chanel #2 will probably deliver everything Hester wants because she’s personally been victimized by the killer twice already.

Shunned from society by Chanel, Chanel #2 finally found love in her lowest of times… with a new patient with covered  tumors, warts, or/and pimples all over his body. She decided to give him a chance while he was still a “beast” with the hope that when he finally got his laser treatment an was hot again, he would stay with her out of guilt. Unfortunately, that love story was cut short because he too was killed by the green monster at the hospital.

And speaking of serial killers, Dr. Holt has the hand of a famous squash player turned serial killer!! That explains a lot right? Chad Radwell, Chanel’s ex BF from last season, returned this week, resurrecting the red devil costume in order to scare Chanel. Why? Because it was funny and he was there with his homie Randall, who has been suffering from a disorder that causes him to literally scream at everything. Holt recognizes it as “Jumping Frenchmen of Maine” disease and claims it is un-curable even by their institute.

But the bigger problem really lies between Holt and Chad, who are both trying to win over Chanel’s heart. Both are charming and well endowed, according to that shower scene of course, but Chad is on a mission to bring him down, especially after he finds out his secret. I definitely missed Chad and it’ll be interesting to see how he outsmarts a doctor, with a killer hand.

At this point we can narrow it down to two suspects – nameless nurse and Dr. Holt. Holt could be going through some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation and killing people without even knowing it. However there has to be greater motive that links us back to that Halloween party 30 years ago and methinks Hester will have a lot to do with uncovering it. Since that patient, whose husband was killed in the swamp was pregnant, the child would have to be about 30 right now. Both of our current suspects definitely match the description, we’ll just have to see how it plays out.

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Scream Queens

Scream Queens – Drain The Swamp (2×10)

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Scream queens/ drain the swamp

Desperate to finally take out the dumb Chanel’s Hoffel went to explosive measures on the finale of Scream Queens. But as the Green Meanie’s have learned, the Chanel’s are impossible to kill and according to Chanel herself, it’s because she’s skinny, rich and a bitch. Keep that in mind next time you’re being chased down by a masked murderer… although I hope you never are.

But boy did Hoffel try. With Wes dead and gone, it was just her and Dr. Cassidy Cascade, who suddenly had a change of heart thanks to his love for #3 and exclaimed that he was done killing people. “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” Hoffel told him. That definitely sounded like a threat but in the spirit of the show, Cassidy did absolutely nothing about it.

Instead, he went to confront his mother with his new GF in tow and told her that he was no longer part of her master plan. She flipped out calling him “no son of hers” but eventually saw the light thanks to Zayday, who yes, made it out alive. She managed to convince Cassidy’s mother that holding on to revenge would never allow her to grieve her late husband and that her anger was being lashed out at a hospital that was actually helping cure people’s incurable diseases. Um, were pretty sure #3 said that last week but whatever.

Back at the C.U.R.E Institute, Holt and Hester were heating up for some reason and she convinced him to propose to Dean Munsch so that when she died of Kuru, he would be her next of kin and score her inheritance money. Then, they’d run away together to Blood Island and live out their romantic dreams of killing anyone who came to visit. Yeah, super twisted but Holt was down for it. He got down on one knee, made Munsch super happy and sent Chanel into a frenzy. After the wedding, Chanel #5, who is like “really smart” made a discovery – Munsch didn’t necessarily have kuru. She recommended literally cutting open the Dean’s head and taking out a piece of her brain to run some tests and Holt said yes because it would make him a famous surgeon. Seriously, this show has zero logic but that’s what makes it so thrilling.

Before the procedure, everyone was plotting how best to actually kill Munsch in the process. Hester tried to convince Holt to “slice through” Munsch’s brain to make sure they got the inheritance money. The plan didn’t work unless Munsch was 10 feet under. Meanwhile, Chanel was plotting to spill a scalding hot PSL on her brain to punish her for all the horrible things she’s done including getting them a job at the hospital with no degrees and stealing her man. #5 tried to tell her that spilling the tea, er latte, wouldn’t do much damage but Chanel was all “gung ho.”

The word scalding tends to bring me back to that season 1 episode where they burned off Ms. Bean’s face.  I guess that’s the whole point and it all comes back full circle because when Chanel tried to dump the PSL on Munsch, it ended up going on Hoffel aka Bean’s sister. Chanel really has a tendency of burning people… no pun intended.

That was the last straw for Hoffel who was working on a fertilizer bomb to take out all the Chanel’s once and for all. She lured all of the staff, even Cassidy and #3 who knew she was the killer, into the basement to “celebrate” Munsch’s victory – she didn’t have Kuru after all, she was just severely dehydrated from all the scotch she drank.

Once downstairs, she locked them all in a cage and came clean about everything – Cassidy was the baby in the belly and the OG Green Meanie, while she was the one that was going to kill them all and pin it on him. When she finally told the Chanel’s who she really was, they made things even worse by NOT REMEMBERING who Ms. Bean was. I mean really, these girls – how have they avoided so many killers?

Cassidy’s mother and Zayday came in the knick of time to try to stop Hoffel from destroying everyone but their efforts were unsuccessful. In fact, just as his mom began redeeming herself, she was shot in the chest and died in his arms. Every time someone dies in this show, I sit there and wonder how they all stay so calm….

I guess there wasn’t much time to mourn because was a ticking time bomb ready to explode and no way of getting out. Thankfully Denise Hemphill was at their service. Yes, we know she died but she was preserved in Munsch’s cryo-chamber and brought back to life so she could disarm the bomb with her careful training from Quantico, the TV show, not the actual FBI facility.

They weren’t about to let Hoffel get away with it and went after her. In her final attempt to kill a Chanel, she threw the Meanie’s machete straight at #3. Cassidy jumped in front of it to save his GF, even though everyone pointed out that he could have just pushed her out of the way, and died a tragic death. Many of the stories on the show don’t get closure but having him and his mother die just mere minutes apart after going on a whole killing spree seems like an adequate ending. He had it coming, no matter how much he loved and spared #3.

Instead of getting away Hoffel fell into a pond of quicksand and begged them to spare her life. I’m surprised that the gang even considered it considering she was about to blow them to smithereens only seconds prior. Everyone voted against throwing her a bone and helping her out except for Munsch who blamed her “conscience.” But you can’t fight fate and Hoffel’s fate was that she was about to be swallowed up whole. I can safely say, she too had it coming.

Without anymore Green Meanie’s on the loose, the hospital flourished. Zayday and #5 were in charge, running a smooth operation and saving lives. Munsch and Holt ran off into the sunset – but not together. When Holt realized she wasn’t actually dying he helped Hester steal all of the funds and they bought out Blood Island. Munsch sold the hospital and used that money to start an office to help women get their orgasms back.

And of course, Chanel got everything she wanted! She became a TV doctor on “Lovin the C” while Chanel #3 served as her executive producer.

But just when you thought there would be a happy ending since Chanel was “rich again” she was ambushed by the RED DEVIL. Yes, the return of the OG killer who frankly is so much more menacing than the Green Meanie, am I right?

With the KKT box as a reference to season 1 and the killer back in action, is it safe to say Grace escaped Harvard Mental Institute and is after the Chanel’s for revenge for her father’s death? I mean technically, it wasn’t the Chanels’ fault that he died, but the other two killers that killed him are dead and well, the Chanel’s kind of deserve all of it.

What did you think of the finale? Will we see Hester again? Munsch? Where will the next season take place?

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Scream Queens

Scream Queens – Lovin the D (2×09)

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Scream Queens/Lovin the D

“Have you ever asked yourself, why so many people want to murder you,” Hoffel asked Chanel during this week’s Scream Queens.

Killing Chanel Oberlin is not an easy feat it turns out, despite everyone wanting their revenge on the Kappa Kappa leader. Chanel has a big red X on her head but somehow, stupidly keeps avoiding death.

The Green Meanie’s teamed up to take out the Chanel’s this week but with everyone aiming at the same target, things got a bit messy. Hester, Wes’s daughter (surprises!), decided to bring the killer’s to order by calling a “Green Meanie Summit,” which consisted of them finalizing which of the Chanel’s they’d all be allowed to kill.

Hoffel ended up getting the rights to Chanel since she fried off her sister, Mrs. Bean’s face. Cassidy was tasked with killing Chanel #3, even though everyone knew he would spare her because he was actually in love with her. Wes was given Chanel #5, which was clearly disappointing considering no one actually liked her. Instead, he persuaded Cassidy to turn his back on Hoffel and help him kill Chanel so that he could avenge Grace and make them pay for sending her to an insane asylum.

In the midst of all the kill-plotting, the Chanel’s were busy preparing to take the MCAT’s. And by preparing I mean securing Cassidy and Holt to help them cheat. Since they aren’t real doctors or actual med students, they needed to pass in order to take part in a live surgery on their favorite TV show “Lovin the D.” And you know these girls will do anything for their 2 minutes of fame.

Surprisingly, Chanel #5 passed the MCAT with the highest score and didn’t cheat. Who knew she was such a genius? Of course, the other Chanel’s never gave her time to celebrate because as Chanel says “no one cares Chanel #5.

Wes’s grand plan to take out Chanel included making her a coffee filled with poison and saying it’s from Holt so she’d drink it. But she’s legitly indestructible and avoided death by deadly sip by accidentally swapping cups with Dr. Lovin. After just one sip, she began foaming at the mouth and collapsed to the ground.

The Chanel’s and Holt were instructed to take the lead on the segment and after successfully removing a 16-pound tumor from a dude’s face, the producers offered the girls their very own show. Now imagine how that pissed off Hoffel! Not only do they get away with murder, they get REWARDED. That would piss anyone off.

They say never to trust a killer, even if you yourself are a killer. Hoffel was so mad that Wes tried to sabotage her, she teamed up with Cassidy to kill him. There’s no better way to go after the Chanel’s than to make everyone believe the Green Meanie is really dead right? Then they’ll let their guard down and BAM! When Wes realized he was the next victim, he took it gracefully, throwing himself into the boiling hot peanut oil.

The plan might not be successful though because despite how dumb the Chanel’s are they did figure out that there was more than one Green Meanie.

When Dean Munsch stumbled upon Wes’s fried, Green Meanie body, she fainted. And no this time it wasn’t because she was trying to distract Arthur, the journalistic investigating the practices of the CURE Institute. They passed by the way, which is ridiculous since he encountered several dead bodies during his time there. That’s when she revealed she had a deadly condition and would be dead within the month.

Meanwhile, Chanel #3 convinced Cassidy to introduce her to his mother. He warned her that she was possessive (and a psychopath) but #3 was not changing her mind. Cassidy’s mom however was not pleased and made Cassidy choose – would he carry out his revenge plan and avenge his father’s death? Or would he throw it all away for some girl in earmuffs. Too scared to disobey his mother – can you blame him – Cassidy sided with his mom. “Sorry but we’ll have to kill her,” she told him as he watched #3 walk out of his life.

Other Thoughts

  • After a full episode, everyone finally realized Zayday was missing and decided it was time to look for her.
  • Zayday is still being held captive by Cassidy’s mom and has figured out that he’s the baby in the belly.
  • #3 actually had a good point – their revenge is on a hospital full of people who had nothing to do with her husband’s death and who are actually helping patients now. Could it be more stupid?
  • Holt is the hospital manwhore and possibly a serial killer. He got rid of his serial killer hand and found that he still wanted to kill Chanel. He confronted fellow killer Hester about his urges and they ended up hooking up. Whoaaaaa, keep it in your pants Dr. Holt!

What did you think of “Lovin the D?”

 

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Scream Queens

Scream Queens – Rapunzel, Rapunzel (2×08)

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Scream Queens Rapunzel Rapunzel

Scream Queens brought back a season 1 favorite this week and finally revealed who the third killer was.

Turns out, they’re the same person.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

The third Green Meanie is Wes, Grace’s dad and Dean Munch’s BF from season 1. Wild right?

This week, Wes came to the C.U.R.E Institute seeking help for an abdominal tumor, which ended up actually being a really big hair ball. Ew. Wes explains that after the murders at the sorority house, he moved out with Cathy to start a new life writing a book about coins, growing a beard and brewing bad beer. The weirdness of this show doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

When he realized Dean Munsch was trying to drive a wedge between him and his daughter, he called it quits. But after the relationship was done, he was miserable and began eating his own hair.

At least that’s the story he told everyone at C.U.R.E in order to lure back Cathy into his good graces.

The truth, as Chamberlain found out in his final moments, was that Wes held a very big grudge against the Chanels. Honestly, who doesn’t? They ruined Grace’s life and as we find out, made her commit to a mental asylum called Stanford. Bummer really considering Grace was kind of the only sane one from the whole group.

When he heard Cathy hired on the Chanel’s to work at the hospital, he vowed to make them pay for ruining his baby girls life. So, he got drunk, ate a bunch of hair (not his own) and found a way into the hospital without anyone noticing that he was really, the third killer. Except for Chamberlain, who found a piece of the costume in Wes’s hairball. Gross right? Sadly, he won’t get to tell anyone that fine story because well, he’s been murdered. And he never even got to return Zayday’s phone calls.

Zayday on the other hand found herself in some hot (green) water after continuing her search into the Green Meanie’s identity. She came up with a master plan to rip a part of his costume and take it to costume shops around the city to see if anyone could give some insight. Finally one really creepy dude recalled sending out three costumes – one ordered online, which was presumably Wes, and the other two ordered by an older woman with nice hands.

Obviously, this meant it was Dr. Cassidy Cascade’s mother, who Zayday paid a little visit. She wasn’t able to make more of a connection or even identify who the “child” at the hospital was because her tea was spiked and she passed out. Really – this is the SECOND killer Zayday’s encountered and she still drinks tea from strangers… strangers she believes are psychopaths? Ugh.

Cascade’s mother did reveal an interesting tidbit though – the person who killed all those people in the hospital way back when her husband was murdered and was actually the OG Green Meanie was her brother, also a psychopath. I’m going to assume that this brother is also Wes and that the 2 of the murderers are connected that way.

And of course we know the third Green Meanie is Ingrid, who was added on because she too wanted revenge on the Chanel’s for killing her sister back in the Kappa Kappa house. Really, it seems like the Chanel’s are screwed!

Speaking of the three ladies, Chanel tried to save her relationship with Brock after he realized the age gap was a bit much for him and accidentally called out Cathy’s name during sex because Chanel would only “lay” there. Yikes. Chanel took advice from Hester and tried to recreate a time from his childhood. Of course opting for the war was insinuating that she thought Brock was like 80-years-old. It didn’t end well.

However, Brock chose to stay in a relationship with Chanel but made a deal with Cathy to be “fwb” and have an affair. That way she could date Wes and he could date Chanel but they’d both be getting “double tapped.”

This show.

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