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The Bachelor

The Bachelor Review Episode 5: I’m Feelin’ 22 Stitches

The Bachelor/ ABC

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1 year ago

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This week’s episode of The Bachelor kicks off with the bachelorettes venting about their frustrations toward Alayah, former Miss Texas and current Miss Mischief. Peter eavesdrops outside the door, looking like a sad child listening to his parents fighting. Rumor has it that he asked the producers for a box of apple juice and his older brother’s stolen Nintendo DS. 

Peter gives a speech in which he apologizes for being wishy-washy, and the women engage in a pensive dialogue about said wishy-washy-ness. While I was watching this, I instantly had multiple psychic visions of Peter making a quip about being “wishy-washy” in a sponsored ad for Listerine. In the end, the cycle ends the exact same way it did 2 episodes ago, with Peter uncomfortably sending Alayah home. All right, ABC. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on the producers for not being able to fabricate a more interesting storyline.

Related: The Bachelor in Costa Rica: The Funniest Tweets About Kelsey’s Breakdown, Tammy’s Realness, and the Cosmo Shoot (24×5)

Peter tells the girls that they are packing their bags to leave Cleveland head off to their next extravagant destination, clad with hot springs, lush jungles, and waterfalls–Costa Rica! Unfortunately, they had to settle for this because they couldn’t get a reservation at one of Ohio’s local indoor water parks.  

After some beautiful scenic group shots that reveal which girls are and are not comfortable behaving in a way that looks great on Instagram but is super awkward in real life, Peter arrives at the resort with a large medical bandage on his forehead. Peter tells us that he has 22 stitches — one for each year each of the bachelorettes have been alive. The shocked bachelorettes ask what happened, and Peter begins to tell the women that he was attacked by a puma–much to the chagrin of the bachelorettes, but to the absolute joy of the heads of commercial advertising at Puma Athletics. Turns out, the puma story was a fib and Peter just cut his forehead on a piece of glass when he slipped and bumped into a golf cart–which is now bad news for Puma Athletics, but great news for That Guy at a Frat Party who won’t stop pitching his idea for golf cart liability insurance. 

After Peter and Sydney’s passionate one on one date, we have another America’s Next Top Model themed group date. This time, the bachelorettes participate in a swimsuit photoshoot. 

During the shoot, several of the bachelorettes kiss Peter, who is still healing from his head injury, in a game of what I like to call “Spin the Bottle of Ibuprofen.”  

Side note while we’re on the topic of kissing– this episode allows us to become quite familiar with The Bachelor’s soft guitar “kissing music.” Here is a list of things that I think the “kissing music” on The Bachelor sounds like:

  • Background music for a commercial for antidepressants
  • Intro guitar music for a 2009 Youtube blog
  • A prolonged version of an alarm on one of those “wake you up softly and quietly” alarm clock apps
  • The one indistinct guitar riff your Hinge date will play for you unannounced for exactly 13 seconds before putting the guitar away and quickly changing the conversation topic before you can get the chance to ask him if he actually knows how to play the guitar

In what is undoubtedly one of the most honest moments of this entire season, Kelsey has an emotional breakdown about the fact that she isn’t having an emotional breakdown. She then gains her composure and solidifies her spot on one of the spinoff shows by being the first bachelorette to tell Peter that she is falling in love with him. Well played, Kelsey. 

Peter goes on a date with Kelly, the lawyer he met at a wedding who was recruited to be on the show. She expresses her completely humane and logical doubt in this process and reminds us of the ludicrousy of getting engaged to someone after going on an approximate maximum of 3 and a half dates. Peter doesn’t have much of a legitimate response but gives her a rose, and the uncomfortable/illusion-breaking feeling you get from the scene is masked by our beloved “kissing music” and some scenic shots of an expensive-looking waterfall.

Before the rose ceremony, McKenna provides some solid GIF content by doing a ton of really weird stuff with her tongue, chugging her entire cocktail in a single sip, and then looking dramatically at the ground while holding her head in her hands. Twitter is rooting for you, McKenna! Tammy accuses Kelsey of popping pills, and Kelsey defends herself, stating that she simply takes birth control and her prescribed Adderall. The only thing Kelsey is guilty of is being a gifted child in middle school, and all of the women come to her defense. This week’s episode of The Bachelor is a rush of lust and excitement, and could possibly spark some fandoms for a few of the bachelorettes. Overall, it seems like things are heating up at a rapid pace. Tune in on Wednesday for the second episode this week as Peter waits for his forehead scar to heal and starts to vibe with his on-set medical professional/plastic surgeon.

 


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Writer, actor, composer, and caterer with lots of experience in being inexperienced. Currently based in New York City. Instagram: sarahdifi Twitter: sarahdifi_

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The Bachelor

Best Tweets from Tonight’s Hometowns on ‘The Bachelor’

Published

5 days ago

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February 22, 2021

By

Best Tweets from Tonight's Hometowns on 'The Bachelor'

The hometown dates are upon us on The Bachelor Season 25 Week 8! 

Of course, there’s plenty of great tweets floating around the web! 

See them below: 

https://twitter.com/Shem/status/1364046396903546881?s=20

https://twitter.com/tmilllllllls/status/1364044518241292291?s=20


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The Bachelor

Who Went Home After Hometown Dates on ‘The Bachelor’ Season 25 Week 8?

Published

5 days ago

on

February 22, 2021

By

Who Went Home During Hometown Dates on 'The Bachelor' Season 25 Week 8?

The hometown dates are upon us on The Bachelor Season 25 Week 8! 

Michelle scored the first date!

The teacher brought her hometown of Minnesota to Nemacolin, a remote location in Pennsylvania, to give Matt a little taste of her life. She put Matt to the ultimate test: a Q+A with her students via a Zoom call!

>Meeting Michelle’s parents is a positive experience — they play basketball, Michelle tells him that she loves him, and everyone seems happy. 

The second date went to Rachael, a graphic designer from Cumming, Ga., who has had a bit of off-screen controversy.

Prior to meeting the family, the couple had a whirlwind date that involved going skydiving and Rachael’s crash landing. That seemed to bring her down to reality because while they both admitted that they’re falling in love with each other — and the family meeting went well despite her father’s objections that things were moving too fast (has he ever seen the show?) — Rachael realized she wasn’t the only one in the running after sharing that was disappointed that Matt didn’t ask for her father’s blessing. 

Rachael, hunny, we still have two more hometown dates ahead of us!

The third date was with Bri, who previously revealed she quit her dream job as a communications manager.

Best Tweets from Tonight’s Hometowns on ‘The Bachelor’

She threw it back to the first date in which Matt “almost killed” her and took him off-roading! A taste of his own medicine! 

Bri was excited for Matt to meet her single mom and her infant baby sister, but her mom was skeptical and wanted to remind her daughter to be “honest” and “vulnerable” about her feelings.  

And finally, Serena P. introduced Matt to her hometown of Canada before allowing him to meet her family. It’s a must if you’re going to date a “proud Canadian.”

However, during the meeting, her sister said she thinks “something is missing” and Serena doesn’t seem smitten, which kind of ruined the whole mood and made Serena realize she has a lot of doubts about the relationship. 

She wanted the hometown to get her to the point where she’s certain, but instead, it left her more confused about the situation. 

When the two sat down for a one-on-on, Matt tried to smooth things over. While Serena P. said that she initially thought it was fear, she later admitted to herself that she can’t go through with it because Matt’s not her person.

“I’m just not there, and I don’t know why,” she informs him. Despite the heartbreak, Matt took it like a champ and asked Serena P. to walk him downstairs. What a role-reversal! Is Serena P. The Bachelor now?

“I’m just disappointed because that’s not how I saw our journey ending,” he said.

And thus, the final three women moving onto Fantasy Suites are….

Rachael, 24, a graphic designer from Cumming, Ga.

Bri, 24, a communications manager from San Francisco, Calif.

Michelle, 27, a teacher from Edina, Minnesota

But which woman was the second choice had Serena P. not backed out?! I guess we’ll never know… XoXo. 

Ahead of tonight’s episode, Matt James also issued this statement on Twitter about the controversy surrounding Rachael and Chris Harrison. He explained he’s learning about these “incredibly disappointing” photos in “real time,” which leads me to believe the winner is Rachael but the duo broke up because of what transpired off-screen. 

He also condemned Harrison’s behavior. 

Check out his tweet below:

What do you think? Who will Matt choose? What did you think of that statement?

Let us know in the comments section! 

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The Bachelor

Best Tweets from Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Which Saw Several Women Eliminated

Published

2 weeks ago

on

February 15, 2021

By

Best Tweets from Tonight's 'The Bachelor' Season 25 Week 7

With hometowns just around the corner, the pressure is on!

Here are the best tweets from The Bachelor Season 25 Week 7. 

https://twitter.com/Katie_Falls/status/1361502553695993858?s=20

 

 


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