Peter the Pilot stole the hearts of millions on the most recent season of The Bachelorette. His charming smile, romantic gestures, and lack of involvement in drama (good riddance, Luke P.), made him an instant fan favorite. Peter, a clearly exceptional kisser (Sources: The Sauna, The Pool Table, The Dimly Lit Hallway), became a Bachelor Nation icon the night that he and Hannah had sex in the windmill four times (which Hannah announced to America–and Peter’s parents–in front of a live studio audience). This pilot has stamina, and he is frankly making me rethink my passive-aggressive attitudes toward Delta Airlines.
The season premiere begins with various glimpses of Peter’s life as a pilot. He looks confident, and his smile is so perfect that it makes me want to start wearing my retainer again. We see a shot of Peter in his pilot uniform strutting down the runway, like a Victoria’s Secret model in 2002, and then taking selfies with slightly disinterested fans, like a Victoria’s Secret model in 2020.
Chris Harrison announces that we have entered the THREE HOUR BACHELOR PREMIERE. This officially makes The Bachelor Season 24 Premiere either the next Quentin Tarantino movie or your local high school’s production of “Fiddler On The Roof.”
HOUR ONE
At the iconic Bachelor Mansion, Peter meets his eligible bachelorettes. In a sea of floor-length gowns, one bachelorette inspires us with a sparkly and powerful jumpsuit, much like Broadway’s Queen Elsa. As we meet the bachelorettes, several of them reassure us, “I’m just a normal girl,” which gives me hope that this season will mimic the charm of a classic 90’s rom-com.
Drama ensues when Hannah Brown (last season’s Bachelorette and Peter’s ex), makes an unexpected guest appearance. This instantly inspires anxiety, and we see a group of panicked bachelorettes running around in the back of the shot like cartoon rats in a chase scene of Tom and Jerry. Before a commercial break, Peter emotionally professes to the bachelorettes that he is ready to find love.
(Side note: during this commercial break there was a jingle in a Chilli’s commercial that I very much enjoyed).
HOUR TWO
While last season, The Bachelor made it very clear that Colton was a virgin, this season, the show makes it very clear that Peter is not. We see handcuffs, blindfolds, intrusive TSA scans, and some understandably uncomfortable “dry” humor about getting wet (brought to you by ABC – Anything But Coy).
At this point, things really start kicking into gear. Peter shares intimate moments and finds connections, and we start to get an idea of which bachelorettes are going to be memes. We also see some common Bachelor tropes (one girl “stealing time” with the bachelor, three girls in red and/or black dresses drinking wine and criticizing their competition). At the first rose ceremony, the bachelorettes brace themselves for the most intense aspect of this episode– an overnight shoot with no breaks that ends at 6 am.
The next morning, when the rose ceremony has concluded and the bachelorettes have taken their five-hour energy shots, the group engages in some aviation-themed activities and trivia. With fancy pilot terms such as ‘thrust’, ‘cockpit’, and ‘bang’, The Bachelor reminds us yet again that Peter is not a virgin.
At the end of the hour, The Bachelor observes reality television history, with a very America’s Next Top Model-esque “quick change within an obstacle course” challenge.
HOUR THREE: The Final Hour
Things seem to be going very well for Peter. After he takes one of the bachelorettes to meet his entire extended family and be a part of his parent’s vow renewal, she gushes to him about how much she values taking things slow in relationships. The date concludes with the couple dancing, featuring a live performance from The Country Band That No One Knows.
One of the women emotionally shares with us that she’d never been given flowers, and Peter unenthusiastically gives her a bushel of roses that he found planted outside in a bush. Once again, the production team at The Bachelor reassures us that dreams really do come true [in Hollywood].
The final portion of the episode/saga takes a sharp dramatic turn when a familiar face, Hannah Brown, returns again for some end-of-the-episode emotional drama. This segment is responsible for the loss of multiple dignities and was not sponsored by waterproof mascara.
With its season 24 premiere, The Bachelor serves us with a thrilling night of entertainment that will inspire the hearts of millions and provoke at least 36 hours of fights on Twitter. Bachelor Nation, welcome to the world of Peter the Pilot: The Sweet Guy Who Also F**ks.
Update 3/31/2020
ABC will not be moving forward with Olympics-themed spinoff “Summer Games,” Variety reported.
The competition was set to parallel the Summer Olympics in Tokyo this July, which was also canceled as a result of the global coronavirus pandemic. The sporting event was moved to next year, though, it’s unclear if the Bachelor franchise will air the series next year.
2/19/2020: The Bachelor is headed to the Olympics… well, their version of it anyway.
There doesn’t seem to be a cap on Bachelor franchise spinoffs because why would there be? We’re going to watch all of them anyway!
Just yesterday, the promo for The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart, a musical spinoff, dropped its first promo, but here we are today talking about an Olympics-themed spinoff.
Following the success of The Bachelor Winter Games, ABC is bringing you the Summer Olympics, a summer version of the athletic spinoff playing off of the fact that the Olympics are happening this July in Tokyo.
The show will essentially feature contestants competing in Olympic-styled sports events, which will just be pure joy, and likely getting involved in drama and hooking up on the side.
“[Summer Games] will be its own thing and it’ll run — it’ll be Bachelorette Summer Games,” ABC’s Senior Vice President of Alternative Programming Rob Mills said on The Ringer’s Bachelor Party podcast on Tuesday.
“What’s nice about Summer Games, is when we did Winter Games, Bachelor was still airing, so it was a lot . . . This is Summer Games, and then Paradise will start . . . There is going to be both,” he explained.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sOa0YgOxZ/
“I think it’s going to be really fun,” he added. “We found a really great place to hold it. I mean, it’s going to be so fun seeing these people in these great, you know, track and field, and swimming. This is a real Olympics. To me, this is the real Olympics.”
“I still think we need to look at the creative, and it’s like, do you — if somebody is with somebody or not, can they be in it?” he said. “‘Cause there’s certain people that you’d love to see — I mean, I’d love to see Jordan [Rodgers] or Colton [Underwood].”
All of this basically translates to us living, breathing, and sleeping Bachelor content!
No premiere date has been set for Summer Games yet, but Listen to Your Heart arrives in April!
Coffee Table News
Are ‘The Bachelor’s’ Peter Weber and Kelley Dating? They Were Spotted Cozying Up in Chicago
Clearly, Peter Weber did not get the memo about social distancing.
Peter’s season of The Bachelor may be over — and spoiler: he didn’t end up with any of the women — but he seems to have found love with one of the contestants he sent home, Kelley Flanagan.
The pilot and the lawyer were seen cozying up in her hometown of Chicago on Wednesday afternoon.
The duo was spotted hitting the riverwalk and cuddling up. At one point, Peter even picked Kelley up over his head, which isn’t surprising because all the girls loved to jump on Peter when they greeted him this season.
TMZ reports that Peter was very handsy with Kelley.
All of this might have been cuter if not for the fact that Chicago is currently under a “stay at home” order to combat the coronavirus pandemic.
The whole idea is that people are supposed to be staying at home and not congregating in public meeting spaces like parks, riverwalks, beaches, etc. Chicagoans have been ignoring the government order, which is enforced by law, so the Mayor was forced to impose fines of $500 smackaroos for anyone caught purposefully breaking the rule. She also said she would shut down parks and the entire lakefront.
If Kelley is giving Peter a second chance, if they’re soulmates, if they’ve figured it all out, it’s all great, just please stay indoors and stay away from other people!
I’m sure they can find something productive to do.
And if you gotta walk the pooch, make your walk quick and 6-feet away from other people.
‘The Bachelorette’s’ Mike Johnson Reveals If He’d Ever Become ‘The Bachelor’
We’re not kidding, it lasted like a total of two days.
Just days after that dramatic The Bachelor finale which found Peter Weber and Madison Prewett vowing to give their love a chance despite plenty of objections (both vocal and through facial expressions from our girl Barb), the couple has called it quits. Done. Duzno.
Peter broke the news on Instagram thanking both Madi and ex-fiancee Hannah Ann.
Madi, thank you for your patience and unconditional love. You’re the epitome of a woman who carries herself with grace, stands by what she believes in, and loves whole heartedly. That love is something I feel so grateful to have felt and will take a piece of that with me always going forward. Madi and I have mutually decided to not pursue our relationship any further. Believe me this was not easy for either of us to be ok with, but after a lot of honest conversations, we have agreed that this is what makes most sense for the two of us. The love and respect I have for Madi will continue to endure.
Hannah Ann, you set an example for women everywhere a couple nights ago. You are such a strong, confident woman and you deserve all the love in the world. I accept full responsibility for my mistakes in our relationship and wish you only the best. This has been an emotional experience and I am so grateful for the outreach of support that I have received from friends, family, and Bachelor Nation in the last few days. Thank you to all of you! This is just a another chapter in my story.
Since then, he’s gone back to hanging out with his mom while Madi, who also posted about the break-up, has found solace playing board games with Selena Gomez.
All’s well in the world.
Naturally, Twitter had some commentary.
The faces you make when you find out that the couple you were rooting for really fricken hard on the bachelor, PETER AND MADI breakup 2 DAYS after the LIVE FINALE. Honestly I fucking quit. I’m done with this shit #TheBachelor #pilotpete #MadisonPrewett #iquit pic.twitter.com/NcBQHh6R1J
— sydneykong (@sydney_kong) March 13, 2020
#bachelor #pilotpete #BachelorNation
How I feel about the Breakup: pic.twitter.com/0KZazhOW5H— themaryelizabethlife (@themaryelizabe1) March 13, 2020
The fact #HurricaneBarb posted this the same time @madiprew and #PilotPete announced their breakup is the true meaning of #SAVAGE #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/X74ArmXudR
— Bachelor Padcast (@BachelorPadcast) March 13, 2020
https://twitter.com/FlamingoMacK/status/1238847146541158407?s=20
So peter proposed to Hannah Ann then broke it off because he was still in love with Madison. Then him and Madison say they are gonna try a relationship. Then two days later they break up and Peter ends up with no one. I still think barb may have had something to do with this.
— Oliviana (@olumettaa) March 14, 2020
Me: Grandma, did you see the news about Peter and Madison's break-up?
Grandma: I didn't even have to look at the news to know about that.
Post-#TheBachelor finale and the commentary from Grandma is still 🔥🔥🔥
— Surprisingly Articulate (@most_articulate) March 14, 2020
Oh, and for those of you who think Barb played a role in the breakup, Peter assures that she did not.
On his way to the gym on Friday, Weber refuted the comments saying, “This is stuff between Madi and I solely 100 percent. People have their opinions but it should just be two of us and it’s just mutual respect and love,” according to Page Six.
That’s that Bachelor Nation.
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