Peter the Pilot stole the hearts of millions on the most recent season of The Bachelorette. His charming smile, romantic gestures, and lack of involvement in drama (good riddance, Luke P.), made him an instant fan favorite. Peter, a clearly exceptional kisser (Sources: The Sauna, The Pool Table, The Dimly Lit Hallway), became a Bachelor Nation icon the night that he and Hannah had sex in the windmill four times (which Hannah announced to America–and Peter’s parents–in front of a live studio audience). This pilot has stamina, and he is frankly making me rethink my passive-aggressive attitudes toward Delta Airlines.
The season premiere begins with various glimpses of Peter’s life as a pilot. He looks confident, and his smile is so perfect that it makes me want to start wearing my retainer again. We see a shot of Peter in his pilot uniform strutting down the runway, like a Victoria’s Secret model in 2002, and then taking selfies with slightly disinterested fans, like a Victoria’s Secret model in 2020.
Chris Harrison announces that we have entered the THREE HOUR BACHELOR PREMIERE. This officially makes The Bachelor Season 24 Premiere either the next Quentin Tarantino movie or your local high school’s production of “Fiddler On The Roof.”
At the iconic Bachelor Mansion, Peter meets his eligible bachelorettes. In a sea of floor-length gowns, one bachelorette inspires us with a sparkly and powerful jumpsuit, much like Broadway’s Queen Elsa. As we meet the bachelorettes, several of them reassure us, “I’m just a normal girl,” which gives me hope that this season will mimic the charm of a classic 90’s rom-com.
Drama ensues when Hannah Brown (last season’s Bachelorette and Peter’s ex), makes an unexpected guest appearance. This instantly inspires anxiety, and we see a group of panicked bachelorettes running around in the back of the shot like cartoon rats in a chase scene of Tom and Jerry. Before a commercial break, Peter emotionally professes to the bachelorettes that he is ready to find love.
(Side note: during this commercial break there was a jingle in a Chilli’s commercial that I very much enjoyed).
While last season, The Bachelor made it very clear that Colton was a virgin, this season, the show makes it very clear that Peter is not. We see handcuffs, blindfolds, intrusive TSA scans, and some understandably uncomfortable “dry” humor about getting wet (brought to you by ABC – Anything But Coy).
At this point, things really start kicking into gear. Peter shares intimate moments and finds connections, and we start to get an idea of which bachelorettes are going to be memes. We also see some common Bachelor tropes (one girl “stealing time” with the bachelor, three girls in red and/or black dresses drinking wine and criticizing their competition). At the first rose ceremony, the bachelorettes brace themselves for the most intense aspect of this episode– an overnight shoot with no breaks that ends at 6 am.
The next morning, when the rose ceremony has concluded and the bachelorettes have taken their five-hour energy shots, the group engages in some aviation-themed activities and trivia. With fancy pilot terms such as ‘thrust’, ‘cockpit’, and ‘bang’, The Bachelor reminds us yet again that Peter is not a virgin.
At the end of the hour, The Bachelor observes reality television history, with a very America’s Next Top Model-esque “quick change within an obstacle course” challenge.
HOUR THREE: The Final Hour
Things seem to be going very well for Peter. After he takes one of the bachelorettes to meet his entire extended family and be a part of his parent’s vow renewal, she gushes to him about how much she values taking things slow in relationships. The date concludes with the couple dancing, featuring a live performance from The Country Band That No One Knows.
One of the women emotionally shares with us that she’d never been given flowers, and Peter unenthusiastically gives her a bushel of roses that he found planted outside in a bush. Once again, the production team at The Bachelor reassures us that dreams really do come true [in Hollywood].
The final portion of the episode/saga takes a sharp dramatic turn when a familiar face, Hannah Brown, returns again for some end-of-the-episode emotional drama. This segment is responsible for the loss of multiple dignities and was not sponsored by waterproof mascara.
With its season 24 premiere, The Bachelor serves us with a thrilling night of entertainment that will inspire the hearts of millions and provoke at least 36 hours of fights on Twitter. Bachelor Nation, welcome to the world of Peter the Pilot: The Sweet Guy Who Also F**ks.
Dynasty Midseason Review – Was Blake Guilty of Murder? (3×09)
*Spoilers for the midseason premiere of Dynasty! If you have not watched the episode yet, well, you’ve been warned so don’t spoil it for yourself*
Blake got away with murder on Dynasty Season 3 Episode 9 with the help of Cristal and Fallon.
But really, who’s surprised by that?
Usually, courtroom trials aren’t the most exciting part of an episode, but when a Carrington is on trial and a Carrington-turned-Colby is on the stand, you just never know what’s going to happen within the confines of those four walls.
And a lot happened.
The shock of Alexis’ return carried throughout the episode as everyone tried to figure out what she and her new husband, Jeff Colby, were up to.
Fallon can make a thousand jokes about the incestual relationship and they never get old. She dodged a bullet there.
Alexis took the stand as a surprise witness and claimed to have proof that Blake was responsible for Mack’s murder, but unfortunately, she failed to provide an airtight alibi.
It took Fallon less than a day to figure out she was lying and expose her for it. Better luck next time, I suppose.
While Alexis’ attempts may have failed, the new Alexis didn’t.
Elaine Hendrix came in rocking her best Meredith Blake outfit and it’s almost as if she hadn’t skipped a beat.
Her take on Alexis is refreshing, witty, and her dialogue even seems better than it was before.
There’s potential here to elevate Alexis to the ranks of Fallon, who, at times, seems to be carrying the show on her back.
While Blake and Fallon made some jokes at Alexis’ expense, for the most part, they just accepted her relationship with Colby for whatever it was.
They had bigger problems on their hands considering Blake was about to go down for murder.
However, Dominique could not accept that her son had married her arch-nemesis.
Seeing a sister-in-law turn into a daughter-in-law is a hard pill to swallow for most people.
Dominique called Alexis out for being a gold-digger who would do anything to get money, but Jeff quickly rebutted all of her insults by saying that the only person using him this whole time was his own mother.
Dominique may have been right about Alexis, but she was also a hypocrite.
Ever since she blew into town, Dominique has been trying to get money from her son, lying about her intentions, and using him to propel Vanessa’s career.
How can she stand there and call out anyone else?
Dominique tried to play dirty, but Alexis played dirtier by gently shoving her down the stairs, which cause Dom to leave town.
It’s about time, too. Dominique has been around for a whole season and hasn’t accomplished much of anything.
Her existence is pointless.
And there’s no need to worry about Colby because from the looks of it, he made a deal with the devil that benefits both of them.
Both Jeff and Alexis hate Blake equally; there’s strength in numbers so they hoped to put him in jail permanently and get their fortune.
Now that those plans have gone down the gutter, it’s unclear what their next move will be.
Blake is like a phoenix, constantly rising from the ashes and getting another chance. It’s astonishing that a man who is clearly guilty walks around so confidently and lies straight to his daughter’s face about being innocent.
Blake was in the do-or-die mode, sure, but it also tells you everything you need to know about the man Blake is.
He always has a trick up his sleeve whether if be getting rid of the juror or paying off the other one to make it a hung jury.
Without substantial evidence, there will never be a retrial and Blake is a free man.
Fallon should have gotten proof before she helped her father, but regardless of the truth, there’s no situation where she would have let her father serve a life sentence.
Legacies Midseason Premiere Review- The Return of The Necromancer (2×09)
Have you ever looked in the mirror after not seeing yourself for a while and been shocked by your own reflection? Imagine how the mighty Necromancer feels when he wakes up with a normal human face.
Legacies’ midseason premiere starts off with the story of how the Necromancer got to where we saw him last, underneath a red cloak standing in front of the Malivore pit. We jump back a year in time to see him waking up in Texas without his powers.
This is not exactly the “peace” Malivore promised him.
This episode cuts back and forth between the Necromancer’s journey over the past year and present-day at The Salvatore School. Landon may have finally chosen between Hope and Josie, but that doesn’t mean the awkwardness of the love triangle is over.
Josie’s been avoiding Hope, and Hope is very aware of it. The Hope and Josie dynamic is one of my favorites on the show, and the drama with Landon has gone on for far too long. Hope makes it her mission to reconnect with Josie and get back to the friendship they once had.
Now that “Professor Vardemus” AKA Clarke is gone, Alaric has been reinstated as headmaster. His first order of business: find out more about the ancient vampire who’s kissing his daughter in the hallways.
Alaric decides to give Sebastian a series of tests to prove whether or not he’ll be a good fit at the school. He chooses Landon to supervise since he’s the only one Sebastian can’t kill (when are we going to learn more about Landon’s powers?).
Hope has her own test to pass- living with a roommate. New character Alyssa Chang has taken up shop in Hope’s old bedroom while she’s been busy, you know, getting erased from the world and stuff.
We check back in with the Necromancer a month into living as a human. He’s out of his element working in an ice cream shop. After experiencing the most human thing of all, dealing with an annoying boss, the Necromancer bonds with his coworker Chad. When Chad introduces himself our favorite villain tries to return to the dramatics that we’re so familiar with. But “I’m the…Ted” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Oh yeah, the Necromancer goes by Ted now. Go figure.
We jump back to present-day and are faced with another awkward moment between Josie, Landon, and Hope. Josie and Landon are having an uncomfortable yet bearable conversation when Josie spots Hope coming and immediately takes off. Before getting cut off by Landon, Sebastian, a witness to all this, chimes in with “Is this what they call teen drama?”.
Yes, Sebastian. Yes, it is.
Fortunately, we get a break from the secondhand embarrassment that is high school relationships to see what “Ted” and Chad are up to. The Necromancer (I just can’t call him Ted, it sounds ridiculous) tells Chad the truth about who he is, and surprisingly Chad believes him. Chad claims to believe in all things the government is hiding like Bigfoot and lizardmen, so why wouldn’t he believe in the Necromancer?
The Necromancer shows Chad what he’s been working on. He can now successfully bring a bug back to life again. Chad’s impressed and agrees to help the Necromancer get his powers back, because who wouldn’t help your creepy coworker bring things back to life?
After a failed attempt to bring a cat back to life, the Necromancer decides to visit the Malivore pit to look for answers. Obviously, when he and Chad arrive, the pit’s disappeared since at this point in the timeline Hope’s already sacrificed herself to close it. Seeing Malivore “defeated” inspires the Necromancer to aim higher which he starts doing by sacrificing Chad.
With bigger aspirations, we see the Necromancer with a renewed sense of confidence in a makeover-style montage turning himself back into the Necromancer we’re used to seeing. Face paint, colored contacts, and a big cut to the forehead later, he’s back to his typical self. Somehow he’s skipped over the dead cat level and now has his full powers back, as shown by him raising Chad from the dead.
The guy’s understandably pissed but still agrees to help the Necromancer with his mysterious plan. They put on red cloaks and head to our favorite place, Mystic Falls.
Speaking of Mystic Falls, Sebastian successfully passed his first test: fitting in with the werewolves. After a game of dodgeball, Captain Cheekbones (we can thank Jed for that nickname) and the pack are on good terms. Landon and Sebastian, on the other hand, have a rocky relationship.
Personally, I was a huge fan of Sebastian calling Landon out for leaving Mystic Falls saying that if the girl he loved was in danger, he would’ve never left. Landon had that one coming. Landon has never been one of my favorite characters on Legacies, and his actions this season haven’t changed my mind.
Sebastian’s second test is to fit in with the vampires at the school. MG, still harboring some resentment towards Sebastian for his involvement with Lizzie, complains to Alyssa that he wants Sebastian to fail. Taking things into her own hands, Alyssa purposefully cuts herself on a plate to make Sebastian lose control and drink human blood. This plan backfires when its MG, not Sebastian who loses control. MG absolutely has the makings of a ripper. Hopefully, we’ll get to explore that further down the line.
Likewise, Josie’s slipping out of control in her own way. She’s still practicing dark magic and is almost caught by Dorian when Hope comes to her rescue. Hope tells her about a spell they can do to protect the sand clock Clarke gave Josie from breaking open.
We get to see Hope and Josie doing a spell together again, reminiscent of the time they first did magic together in the pilot. They’re successful, but it’s a temporary solution, not a permanent one.
Afterwards, they finally get a moment to talk about how their situation with Landon has impacted them and their relationship. Hope reveals she saw Josie and Landon together at their movie night and that’s why she didn’t return to the school right away. Both girls decide they want to try again and work on rebuilding what they had before. This was easily the standout moment of the episode. I swear, these two have the most chemistry I’ve seen in The Vampire Diaries universe since Delena.
Sebastian’s final test is to fit in with the witches, which doesn’t go over very well. Alyssa tries to intimidate him which leads to Lizzie coming to his defense, and then him running off.
Landon finds him and Sebastian reveals that his parents sold him to a merchant ship when he was a kid and whenever he tried to escape from it they always found him. He’s never felt safe anywhere. This resonates with Landon, since before The Salvatore School Landon never had a home either. So he tells Alaric Sebastian passed all the tests and deserves to stay. Meanwhile, we see that Ric’s been reading up on “Sebastian the Merciless”, an infamous vampirate.
This leads to an intense confrontation between Alaric and Sebastian when he finds Sebastian feeding on a woman. He shoots him with his crossbow (he’s always true to his vampire hunter roots) and tells him to stay away from his daughter. But, Alaric’s a sucker for second chances and still offers Sebastian a chance to come back to the school if he follows the rules.
However, Sebastian has other plans. He threatens Alaric and reveals that he’s been mind-controlling Lizzie. He has no intention of staying to abide by a set of rules and said that if Alaric wants to protect his daughter he’ll have to kill him.
We don’t know exactly what happened after that, but Alaric tells Lizzie Sebastian left on his own volition and won’t be coming back. I don’t think Ric would’ve taken the chance of him hurting Lizzie, so I’d bet Sebastian’s desiccated somewhere nearby.
As for the other Saltzman twin, Josie has a talk with Landon where they decide to be friends. To put what I hope is the official end to the love triangle, Josie and Landon redecorate Hope’s now shared room to look like her old one did, with a few extra changes. The three of them hug and all seems to be well.
But of course, this is Legacies. Nothing can be good for too long.
The Necromancer and Chad are now in Mystic Falls and raised a Malivore monster to unleash havoc on the school. Next week we’ll be dealing with a monster who preys on everyone’s insecurities and it looks like there’ll be a lot of drama ahead.
- When Dorian mentioned Caroline at the beginning of the episode it reminded me how annoyed I am that we haven’t seen her yet. Candice King is open to returning, what are we waiting for?
- Chad suggesting “taking a leak” on Malivore for revenge has to be one of the funniest lines in the show.
- I love Lizzie, but I don’t think choosing to talk to MG about her problems with Sebastian is a good idea at all. You know he likes you, give the kid a break!
- There was a very little amount of Hope in this episode, what’s that about? This tribrid deserves her fair amount of screentime.
- Also noticeably missing was Kaleb, I want to see how he reacts to Dorian’s new intern being his sister.
What do you think happened to Sebastian? How soon do you think the sand clock is going to break open? Should Hope and Josie be together instead of with Landon?
Let us know what you think in the comments!
The Good Place Review – The New Afterlife (4×11)
“Mondays, Am I Right?” starts and completes the human’s new afterlife plan. Michael and Shawn begin working together, Vicky and insecure Chidi return, and Janet reveals her dirtiest secret.
The return of insecure Chidi is a little surprising, since he seemed so fully transformed in the previous episode. I feel like this storyline maybe should have happened earlier in this season, but that wasn’t feasible due to Chidi’s erased memories. At worst, it felt like a regression of his character, but on the better side, it reminds us that the Chidi we’ve spent the last four seasons with is still in there and still has fears. Just because Chidi is his “best self” doesn’t mean he’s his “perfect” self, and he shouldn’t be. Nobody is perfect and we all have fears.
Jason, on the other hand, proves his worth by knocking some sense back into Chidi. Jason (for probably the first time in the series) slightly grated on my nerves last week, as he played no major part in creating the new afterlife system and his dimwittedness actively interrupted their planning. He seemed prepped to continue on this track at the start of “Mondays, Am I Right?” when he is helping Eleanor and Chidi sort out good people. He quickly names the Kool-Aid Man a top person (which isn’t necessarily a wrong choice), and then leaves Eleanor and Chidi to do all the work.
Instead of being superfluous, though, Jason gets to not just help Chidi with sound advice, but show genuine irritation at everyone’s assumption that he’s a total idiot. I really wish he would have been a more integral part of the creation of their new system, because this moment would have landed even better, but as it stands, his reference to Romeo and Juliet and the offense he takes to Chidi being shocked he read it reminds us that Jason is a product of his environment, and not necessarily just a dope.
Tahani hasn’t had much to do this season, but she gets a good showing this episode. Not only does she participate in the training of the demons, but her experience in swallowing her pride makes her a natural fit to encourage Michael to bring Vicky back. Her and Janet’s assumptions as to Michael’s motivations may have been wrong, but they display growth none the less. Janet’s growth comes from her admittance that asking for help is necessary sometimes, not because she ever had trouble asking for help, but because she’s grown human enough to realize that even she needs help sometimes. I can’t imagine what Alexa knows that Janet doesn’t, though.
Michael’s journey is the heart of this episode, though, and as it has in the past, parallels the show’s own journey. Michael, throughout the series, has been a demon with a purpose; whether that be torture, redeem, or save humans, he’s always had a task driving him forward.
With the completion of the new afterlife system, and having found someone who can run it better than he can (which is Vicky), he’s essentially out of tasks. He doesn’t know what his purpose moving forward will be, and the purposelessness scares him. What’s eternity mean if you’re doing nothing with it, anyway?
I don’t know. Not even Janet knows. But Michael does the right thing and places Vicky in charge, sacrificing his purpose for the betterment of all humans.
The rock has been pushed up the hill. By Michael, yes, but by The Good Place as well. “Mondays, Am I Right?” basically completes the show’s storyline, but we still have two episodes left.
So what’s next?
The team ends the episode sailing upwards towards the real Good Place, and having completed the overhaul of the afterlife, there seems to be no goal left for them to chase after. So some sort of conflict must arise once they get there.
“Mondays, Am I Right?” will be difficult to have a fully formed opinion on until that new conflict starts. The episode seems underwhelming, but its position in the narrative implies that this isn’t the endgame, and therefore it will be naturally underwhelming so close to an unknown finale. What sort of conflict will this system lead to? Will it end up not working? Will it continue to work perfectly and the final storyline only be tangentially related?
The other reason it feels underwhelming is it doesn’t lead anywhere. There is no implied next chapter within the episode. All there is is Janet telling Michael that he’ll just have to find out what is next. Once again, Michael’s journey reflects the show.
The fate of humanity may be solved, but what is next on The Good Place will determine the fate of this series. Until we can see where it goes, my understanding of this episode’s design is limited.
I’m optimistic, though.
- “It’s the way it’s always been done” is my least favorite reason for anything.
- Vicky’s use here pleased me. I don’t know why, since I don’t feel she ever did anything to deserve getting her dream of being in charge, but it seems as though she chilled out once she felt someone trusted her. Maybe that’s just me trying to find a reason I liked her here.
- 1.28 Jeremy Bearimy later, so we have zero idea of how much time passed.
- The golden balloon is back!
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