The Bachelor
The Bachelor Review – The Champagne Chronicles (24×02)
The second episode of The Bachelor begins immediately where we left off with Hannah Brown’s dramatic return, where she has asked Peter (who was initially her third choice on her season of The Bachelorette) to give her one more chance. (Note: This was shortly after she made a suspiciously similar proposition to Tyler C., her first-runner up, in front of Peter–and his parents–in front of a live studio audience). After a dramatic “will he or won’t he” staring off into the distance sequence, Peter stands his ground and respectfully turns Hannah down as he tells her, “I want to be with someone who wants me as much as I want them.”
Several perplexed meteorologists have predicted that this caused a level 3 earthquake at exactly 8:04 pm EST as every live viewer in America screamed “YAS, PETER!” at their television sets in perfect unison. After an uncomfortable goodbye, Hannah dejectedly exits the scene and makes her way over to the sound stage for Season 28 of Dancing With The Stars, where she ultimately wins the competition. Don’t worry, Hannah–in the world of ABC, good things come to those who rate.
The Bachelor/ ABC
Things kick back into gear as Peter starts sharing some of his “first moments” with the supporting character Bachelorettes. They deliver their backstory monologues–a sometimes tedious but extremely necessary aspect of The Bachelor, as their critical reception plays a key role in shaping the futures of the bachelorette’s upcoming careers as social media influencers. Much like the periods of recitative in Les Miserables, we understand that this needs to happen to further the plot, and we slowly develop an only slightly ironic adoration for these glimpses into their pre-CBD-oil-and-hair-vitamin-endorsement-deal lives.
Related: The Best Memes from The Bachelor’s Champagne Gate
Peter shares a moment of genuine chemistry and romance with Madison, the bachelorette who went on last week’s one-on-one date. He gives her a thoughtful memento of their time together, and it becomes clear–he really likes her. When they kiss, we can physically see Peter–and the dozens of candles blowing smoke all over the set much longer than their contract stated—melting at a rapid pace.
The Bachelor/ ABC
AND NOW–WE INTRODUCE THE FIRST ACTION-ADVENTURE SERIES OF SEASON 24 OF THE BACHELOR, “THE BACHELORETTE WARS EPISODE I: THE CHAMPAGNE STRIKES BACK”.
The entire house is shaken when Hannah Ann, the possible villain of the season, steals Peter from one of the girls and proceeds to pop the bottle of champagne that Kelsey had saved from her birthday specifically to share with Peter. We go through several exciting twists and turns: Did Hannah Ann know that it was Kelsey’s bottle of champagne? Will Kelsey be able to gain her composure post-emotional breakdown? Who will get to share their side of the story with Peter first? And, most importantly, was the champagne sweet or dry? It’s a classic case of she-said/she-said/producer-staged.
Last week, there was a quick-change-within-an-obstacle-course challenge that merely flirted with a debatable similarity to America’s Next Top Model. But THIS week, the ANTM resemblance is so striking and so thrilling that you almost forget that you’re watching The Bachelor. I’m not kidding–Janice Dickinson herself literally comes onto the show as a guest judge in a runway modeling competition, and I’m pretty sure the script for her quippy remarks was taken directly from a file deep within The CW’s archives titled, “in remembrance of legitimate content.” As someone who spent the majority of her wisdom tooth removal recovery popping Vicodin and bingeing America’s Next Top Model, this is an absolute dream come true.
One of my favorite moments of the episode is when guest judge Carson Kressley proclaims, “Boyfriends are temporary, but cashmere is forever.” I’m sorry, did you say cashmere or cash-merch?
If you’re craving moments of dramatic intensity and could use some lessons on how-to-not-open-a-bottle-of-champagne, look no further–The Bachelor has got you covered.
Update 3/31/2020
ABC will not be moving forward with Olympics-themed spinoff “Summer Games,” Variety reported.
The competition was set to parallel the Summer Olympics in Tokyo this July, which was also canceled as a result of the global coronavirus pandemic. The sporting event was moved to next year, though, it’s unclear if the Bachelor franchise will air the series next year.
2/19/2020: The Bachelor is headed to the Olympics… well, their version of it anyway.
There doesn’t seem to be a cap on Bachelor franchise spinoffs because why would there be? We’re going to watch all of them anyway!
Just yesterday, the promo for The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart, a musical spinoff, dropped its first promo, but here we are today talking about an Olympics-themed spinoff.
Following the success of The Bachelor Winter Games, ABC is bringing you the Summer Olympics, a summer version of the athletic spinoff playing off of the fact that the Olympics are happening this July in Tokyo.
The show will essentially feature contestants competing in Olympic-styled sports events, which will just be pure joy, and likely getting involved in drama and hooking up on the side.
“[Summer Games] will be its own thing and it’ll run — it’ll be Bachelorette Summer Games,” ABC’s Senior Vice President of Alternative Programming Rob Mills said on The Ringer’s Bachelor Party podcast on Tuesday.
“What’s nice about Summer Games, is when we did Winter Games, Bachelor was still airing, so it was a lot . . . This is Summer Games, and then Paradise will start . . . There is going to be both,” he explained.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sOa0YgOxZ/
“I think it’s going to be really fun,” he added. “We found a really great place to hold it. I mean, it’s going to be so fun seeing these people in these great, you know, track and field, and swimming. This is a real Olympics. To me, this is the real Olympics.”
“I still think we need to look at the creative, and it’s like, do you — if somebody is with somebody or not, can they be in it?” he said. “‘Cause there’s certain people that you’d love to see — I mean, I’d love to see Jordan [Rodgers] or Colton [Underwood].”
All of this basically translates to us living, breathing, and sleeping Bachelor content!
No premiere date has been set for Summer Games yet, but Listen to Your Heart arrives in April!
Coffee Table News
Are ‘The Bachelor’s’ Peter Weber and Kelley Dating? They Were Spotted Cozying Up in Chicago
Clearly, Peter Weber did not get the memo about social distancing.
Peter’s season of The Bachelor may be over — and spoiler: he didn’t end up with any of the women — but he seems to have found love with one of the contestants he sent home, Kelley Flanagan.
The pilot and the lawyer were seen cozying up in her hometown of Chicago on Wednesday afternoon.
The duo was spotted hitting the riverwalk and cuddling up. At one point, Peter even picked Kelley up over his head, which isn’t surprising because all the girls loved to jump on Peter when they greeted him this season.
TMZ reports that Peter was very handsy with Kelley.
All of this might have been cuter if not for the fact that Chicago is currently under a “stay at home” order to combat the coronavirus pandemic.
The whole idea is that people are supposed to be staying at home and not congregating in public meeting spaces like parks, riverwalks, beaches, etc. Chicagoans have been ignoring the government order, which is enforced by law, so the Mayor was forced to impose fines of $500 smackaroos for anyone caught purposefully breaking the rule. She also said she would shut down parks and the entire lakefront.
If Kelley is giving Peter a second chance, if they’re soulmates, if they’ve figured it all out, it’s all great, just please stay indoors and stay away from other people!
I’m sure they can find something productive to do.
And if you gotta walk the pooch, make your walk quick and 6-feet away from other people.
‘The Bachelorette’s’ Mike Johnson Reveals If He’d Ever Become ‘The Bachelor’
We’re not kidding, it lasted like a total of two days.
Just days after that dramatic The Bachelor finale which found Peter Weber and Madison Prewett vowing to give their love a chance despite plenty of objections (both vocal and through facial expressions from our girl Barb), the couple has called it quits. Done. Duzno.
Peter broke the news on Instagram thanking both Madi and ex-fiancee Hannah Ann.
Madi, thank you for your patience and unconditional love. You’re the epitome of a woman who carries herself with grace, stands by what she believes in, and loves whole heartedly. That love is something I feel so grateful to have felt and will take a piece of that with me always going forward. Madi and I have mutually decided to not pursue our relationship any further. Believe me this was not easy for either of us to be ok with, but after a lot of honest conversations, we have agreed that this is what makes most sense for the two of us. The love and respect I have for Madi will continue to endure.
Hannah Ann, you set an example for women everywhere a couple nights ago. You are such a strong, confident woman and you deserve all the love in the world. I accept full responsibility for my mistakes in our relationship and wish you only the best. This has been an emotional experience and I am so grateful for the outreach of support that I have received from friends, family, and Bachelor Nation in the last few days. Thank you to all of you! This is just a another chapter in my story.
Since then, he’s gone back to hanging out with his mom while Madi, who also posted about the break-up, has found solace playing board games with Selena Gomez.
All’s well in the world.
Naturally, Twitter had some commentary.
The faces you make when you find out that the couple you were rooting for really fricken hard on the bachelor, PETER AND MADI breakup 2 DAYS after the LIVE FINALE. Honestly I fucking quit. I’m done with this shit #TheBachelor #pilotpete #MadisonPrewett #iquit pic.twitter.com/NcBQHh6R1J
— sydneykong (@sydney_kong) March 13, 2020
#bachelor #pilotpete #BachelorNation
How I feel about the Breakup: pic.twitter.com/0KZazhOW5H— themaryelizabethlife (@themaryelizabe1) March 13, 2020
The fact #HurricaneBarb posted this the same time @madiprew and #PilotPete announced their breakup is the true meaning of #SAVAGE #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/X74ArmXudR
— Bachelor Padcast (@BachelorPadcast) March 13, 2020
https://twitter.com/FlamingoMacK/status/1238847146541158407?s=20
So peter proposed to Hannah Ann then broke it off because he was still in love with Madison. Then him and Madison say they are gonna try a relationship. Then two days later they break up and Peter ends up with no one. I still think barb may have had something to do with this.
— Oliviana (@olumettaa) March 14, 2020
Me: Grandma, did you see the news about Peter and Madison's break-up?
Grandma: I didn't even have to look at the news to know about that.
Post-#TheBachelor finale and the commentary from Grandma is still 🔥🔥🔥
— Surprisingly Articulate (@most_articulate) March 14, 2020
Oh, and for those of you who think Barb played a role in the breakup, Peter assures that she did not.
On his way to the gym on Friday, Weber refuted the comments saying, “This is stuff between Madi and I solely 100 percent. People have their opinions but it should just be two of us and it’s just mutual respect and love,” according to Page Six.
That’s that Bachelor Nation.
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