

The Bachelor
The Bachelor Review – The Champagne Chronicles (24×02)
The second episode of The Bachelor begins immediately where we left off with Hannah Brown’s dramatic return, where she has asked Peter (who was initially her third choice on her season of The Bachelorette) to give her one more chance. (Note: This was shortly after she made a suspiciously similar proposition to Tyler C., her first-runner up, in front of Peter–and his parents–in front of a live studio audience). After a dramatic “will he or won’t he” staring off into the distance sequence, Peter stands his ground and respectfully turns Hannah down as he tells her, “I want to be with someone who wants me as much as I want them.”
Several perplexed meteorologists have predicted that this caused a level 3 earthquake at exactly 8:04 pm EST as every live viewer in America screamed “YAS, PETER!” at their television sets in perfect unison. After an uncomfortable goodbye, Hannah dejectedly exits the scene and makes her way over to the sound stage for Season 28 of Dancing With The Stars, where she ultimately wins the competition. Don’t worry, Hannah–in the world of ABC, good things come to those who rate.
Things kick back into gear as Peter starts sharing some of his “first moments” with the supporting character Bachelorettes. They deliver their backstory monologues–a sometimes tedious but extremely necessary aspect of The Bachelor, as their critical reception plays a key role in shaping the futures of the bachelorette’s upcoming careers as social media influencers. Much like the periods of recitative in Les Miserables, we understand that this needs to happen to further the plot, and we slowly develop an only slightly ironic adoration for these glimpses into their pre-CBD-oil-and-hair-vitamin-endorsement-deal lives.
Related: The Best Memes from The Bachelor’s Champagne Gate
Peter shares a moment of genuine chemistry and romance with Madison, the bachelorette who went on last week’s one-on-one date. He gives her a thoughtful memento of their time together, and it becomes clear–he really likes her. When they kiss, we can physically see Peter–and the dozens of candles blowing smoke all over the set much longer than their contract stated—melting at a rapid pace.
AND NOW–WE INTRODUCE THE FIRST ACTION-ADVENTURE SERIES OF SEASON 24 OF THE BACHELOR, “THE BACHELORETTE WARS EPISODE I: THE CHAMPAGNE STRIKES BACK”.
The entire house is shaken when Hannah Ann, the possible villain of the season, steals Peter from one of the girls and proceeds to pop the bottle of champagne that Kelsey had saved from her birthday specifically to share with Peter. We go through several exciting twists and turns: Did Hannah Ann know that it was Kelsey’s bottle of champagne? Will Kelsey be able to gain her composure post-emotional breakdown? Who will get to share their side of the story with Peter first? And, most importantly, was the champagne sweet or dry? It’s a classic case of she-said/she-said/producer-staged.
Last week, there was a quick-change-within-an-obstacle-course challenge that merely flirted with a debatable similarity to America’s Next Top Model. But THIS week, the ANTM resemblance is so striking and so thrilling that you almost forget that you’re watching The Bachelor. I’m not kidding–Janice Dickinson herself literally comes onto the show as a guest judge in a runway modeling competition, and I’m pretty sure the script for her quippy remarks was taken directly from a file deep within The CW’s archives titled, “in remembrance of legitimate content.” As someone who spent the majority of her wisdom tooth removal recovery popping Vicodin and bingeing America’s Next Top Model, this is an absolute dream come true.
One of my favorite moments of the episode is when guest judge Carson Kressley proclaims, “Boyfriends are temporary, but cashmere is forever.” I’m sorry, did you say cashmere or cash-merch?
If you’re craving moments of dramatic intensity and could use some lessons on how-to-not-open-a-bottle-of-champagne, look no further–The Bachelor has got you covered.
The Bachelor
Best Tweets From the Season 27 Finale of ‘The Bachelor’

The Bachelor wrapped up its 27th season, bringing an end to Zach Shallcross’ journey of love.
Throughout the finale, fans had a lot of thoughts, which they shared on Twitter without any hesitation. And with no audio, ABC truly demands a whole lot from its dedicated viewers.
Here are some of the best tweets and memes from The Bachelor Season 27 finale and After the Final Rose.
Gabi’s exit monologue is a textbook description was what it’s like to live with anxiety — the constant cycle of doubting-then-trusting your intuition, but always somehow feeling like you got it wrong. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/wAAygmqpWZ
— Cate Minichino (@ThatGirlCJM) March 28, 2023
me DMing gabi on instagram to tell her she deserves better than zach and also ask what setting spray she uses after seeing how perfect her makeup still looks while crying #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/xg6qY3nvq1
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
This episode airing in PURE SILENCE is truly the most dramatic thing to ever happen on this show #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/M0IIw0YpDf
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 28, 2023
me trying to hug gabi through my television #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/QIkrNiHiZc
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
“When it actually matters when Kaity is here, don’t do this to her”
My literal reaction:#thebachelor #bachelor
pic.twitter.com/s7eoxUMbBK— gene (@enrigenesis) March 28, 2023
“tonight on the 3-hour season finale of the bachelor”#TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/M1bCYPoenP
— the bitchelorette (@Bitchelorette_) March 28, 2023
ABC control room rn trying to get back the audio #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/lxgowKSv4e
— paige (@paigemb28) March 28, 2023
“Sex sells but now I’ve become a narrative.” Ouch 😭 #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/98Vbl0Gqfm
— Steph R. 🦋🌻 (@stephdizzle11) March 28, 2023
Zach is making Clayton look like Mother Theresa #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/z6SQe0Mftf
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 28, 2023
Chris Harrison finally acting out his revenge by cutting the sound to the finale #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/R9frIsvb5E
— Justin is totally not a skrull (@Freddiesroomate) March 28, 2023
"I thought it was love"
"You kissed me on the head and said this is just between us"
UGH Zach is so slimy for this #TheBachelorFinale #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/zkLP84iYvf— krista knowlton (@kristaknowlton) March 28, 2023
After tomorrow I don’t ever want to think about this mess again #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/zL5OsVarWp
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 26, 2023
Ariel just absolutely destroying Zach on live tv by using words he doesn’t understand #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/kMj8tEC6sD
— crazy bachelor fan (@crzybachelorfan) March 28, 2023
I’M SO TIRED OF WOMEN GETTING SHAMED FOR HAVING SEX ON THIS SHOW! Queen HB said it best. #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #ATFR pic.twitter.com/OWn9cZicP4
— BachelorBtch (@bachelorbtch) March 28, 2023
everyone in the country thinking they accidentally muted the TV and trying to turn the sound back on at the same time #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/s99oolT7Fc
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
Is this anything? #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/TvitoScs0g
— The Okay Gatsby (@KR24601) March 28, 2023
If I have to watch Zach shower one more FCKN time #TheBachelor #Bachelor pic.twitter.com/P7JH5Um72J
— Molly (26) (@OfHouseHeldman) March 14, 2023
No one can say Bachelor Nation is uncultured because we’re all watching a silent film on a Monday night #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/rEhvaB9hGT
— Sarah Sem (@TheSarahSem) March 28, 2023
Not only is this three hours but there’s no audio #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/l1kv7fA2oN
— bachyardigans (@bachyardigans) March 28, 2023
my girl is gonna be THE hot commodity in paradise this summer#TheBachelor #Bachelor pic.twitter.com/Tnl6NTIbJG
— peter’s golf cart (@petersgolfcart) March 21, 2023
Is anyone else HOWLING that there are literal red flags behind this man? #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/djcxXOxbI8
— College Park Mom (@lindsayoz) March 28, 2023
And in conclusion… #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/vF8QQNYBQU
— it’s courtney, bach 🌹 (@ItsCourtn3yBach) March 28, 2023
Ariel: “I’m sure you just came off a 30 minute shower scene”
GIRLLLLLL LMFAO #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/IEmOWgcsOv
— vanessa (@assenavmarie) March 28, 2023
Peter Weber is the benchmark for success tonight people #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/E1WxZj2S5P
— ShesAllBach (@ShesAllBach) March 28, 2023
After all of that, Zach walked away an engaged man, proposing to Kaity Biggar, a 28-year-old nurse from Canada.
In conclusion, it’s probably safe to say that Zach has now earned the title as the most hated Bachelor lead ever—what a season, and what a way to go out.
If you’re looking for your next dose of drama, ABC recently announced the upcoming season of The Bachelorette starring Charity will premiere on Monday, June 26, 2023, at 9:00-11:00 p.m as part of the summer lineup, so we’ll see you there for all the drama.
Coffee Table News
Chris Harrison Leaving ‘The Bachelor’ Franchise After 19 Years

After hosting The Bachelor for nearly 20 years, Chris Harrison is leaving the show.
His exit follows the February controversy in which he defended Season 25 contestant Rachel Kirkconnell after photos of her at an Antebellum party in 2018 surfaced. At the time, he defended Kirkconnell’s actions stating that they only looked bad through a 2021 lens.
He since apologized publicly on Twitter stating he promised to do better and took a hiatus from hosting in which he became “educated on a more profound and productive level than ever before.”
However, Variety reports that despite Harrison’s desire to stay on the show, the incident’s escalation pushed Harrison’s lawyers to devise an exit strategy. A settlement was reached with Warner Horizon along the lines of eight figures.
With the hiatus becoming permanent, Warner Horizon and ABC issued a joint statement: “We are thankful for his many contributions over the past 20 years and wish him all the best on his new journey.”
While there has been no permanent replacement for the host of the franchise, the current Season 17 of The Bachelorette is being hosted by previous contestants Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. And this summer’s Bachelor in Paradise will be hosted by David Spade, among a rotation of other celebrities.
Harrison took to Instagram to express his gratitude and confirm his exit: “I’ve had a truly incredible run as host of The Bachelor franchise and now I’m excited to start a new chapter. I’m so grateful to Bachelor Nation for all of the memories we’ve made together. While my two-decade journey is wrapping up, the friendships I’ve made will last a lifetime.”
The Bachelor
Who Won Matt James’ Heart on the Season Finale of ‘The Bachelor’?

For a franchise that loves to hype up each season as the “most dramatic yet,” Matt James’ season of The Bachelor really outdid itself with real-world drama surrounding Rachael Kirkconnell’s racial controversy, Chris Harrison’s downfall, and the bullying between the women in the house.
In the season finale, Matt James expressed some doubts about his final two women: Rachael and Michelle Young.
Best Tweets from Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Finale and ‘After the Rose’
After Michelle gave him a jersey with his name on it (and a matching one for herself that read “Mrs. James), Matt decided it was the perfect time to break her heart. He explained that he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did for him.
“I just want clarity,” Michelle said about his feelings, to which he responded: “I don’t think I could get there with you.”
And thus… that left us with one woman standing: Rachael.
But does she get the final rose?
Matt still had doubts because he took what his mother said about love not being enough to sustain a relationship. He took that into consideration and questioned whether or not he was “there.” He realized he wasn’t sure that was ready to make a big decision or commitment like marriage regardless of the woman.
“What do I tell Rachael,” he questioned, adding, “Rushing into something I’m not ready for is… I’m not willing to make the same mistake my dad did.”
Harrison then informed Rachael that there wouldn’t be a date that evening because Matt was confused and needed some time. Naturally, she took it personally and broke down crying.
After some time to think it over, Matt revealed that he’s never felt this way before and that he knew he loved Rachael.
During their last meeting, Rachael poured her heart out and said she’d choose him everyday from here on out, through the good and bad.
Matt said that he saw what rushing a marriage did to his mom and his family and explained it’s not something he wants for them. “That’s why I can’t propose to you today,” he said, adding, “but that doesn’t mean I want to lose you.”
He explained that he wants to live his life with Rachael and wants to commit to her and build on what they started during their Bachelor journey.
“I’m in love you, and I see you as my wife and the mother of my kids,” he said.
So, while there’s no proposal, there is a future for Rachael and Matt… that is until those photos from the antebellum photos surfaced. All of that will be addressed during the “After the Rose” ceremony hosted by Emmanuel Acho.
During the “After the Rose” post-show, Matt revealed that his relationship with Rachael did not overcome the controversy.
“I’m really sorry that I hurt you,” Rachael told him in their first post-breakup meeting. Despite her apologies, Matt said he couldn’t get back together as she still had a lot to do. And though it was painful, the duo went their separate ways.
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