This week on The Bachelor, Peter and the final three bachelorettes fly all the way to Gold Coast, Australia for Fantasy Suite week. We may be at the Gold Coast, but we all know that with this group, there will be absolutely no coasting. Unless you’re considering the coaster under my glass of wine while I play this Bachelor-themed drinking game.
When the bachelorettes arrive in Australia, they expect to get some alone time away from the other contestants so they can focus on their relationship with Peter. However, it turns out they’ve been set up to stay together in the same condo, and no one is happy about it. They were expecting Australia to be sweet, mate– they were not expecting suite-mates. We see a cringe-worthy sequence of the bachelorettes saying hello to each other like a bunch of college freshmen who were hoping for a single dorm room and realized they were moving into a quad with bunk beds and no counter space for their monogrammed Keurig. This pairs nicely with lots of uncomfortable forced conversation, awkward silences, and high-waisted jean shorts.
First, Peter takes Hannah Ann out on their one-on-one date. They go jet skiing, lounge together on a private beach, and have unnotable conversation underscored by The Bachelor’s soft guitar kissing music. At their dinner date, Hannah Ann reads a “handwritten” letter from our host Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison inviting the couple to spend the night together in their Fantasy Suite. Hannah reads the note out loud very slowly and very smiley like a child reading a letter to Santa Claus or Spongebob’s Patchy the Pirate reading fan mail from *Name and Address Withheld*. The date ends with a shot of Peter and Hannah Ann getting steamy up against a wall with a fade-out into a dramatic shot of the moon, like some extremely well-executed Twilight fanfiction.
Up next is Peter’s date with Victoria, the villain of the season. They spend their date in a helicopter but sadly there are no “Peter the Pilot” puns. Once they’re back on the ground, Victoria spends a lot of time skipping around like a toddler and saying “Wee!!” Or maybe she was actually just saying “WWE,” since it seems like the only thing she likes to do is fight. Alas, the date goes “well,” meaning that they don’t have a screaming match, a breakup, or any run-ins with ex-lovers–just a very uncommunicative conversation about their lack of communication skills. After another appearance from Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison, Peter and Victoria head to the fantasy suites where they presumably go to helicop-a-feel.
Lastly, Peter meets up with Madison, who has seemed to be bachelorette Peter has the strongest feelings for from the get-go. This date is basically just a set up for some serious drama, since Madison, a devout Christian, is saving herself for marriage and has not been entirely clear with Peter about the level of discomfort she feels over the possibility of him sleeping with the other bachelorettes. We all know this is going to be a huge issue since Peter definitely likes to get into trouble in a way that I very much respect. Their day begins with an extremely phallic date climbing up the tallest skyscraper in the Gold Coast. They take an elevator up to the 77th floor, symbolizing the seven deadly sins: pride, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth, and being here for the wrong reasons. As she approaches the skyscraper, Madison tells Peter that she is terrified of heights, leading me to the assumption that the producers on The Bachelor just ask what your biggest fear is and then proceed to use it against you on the show. This makes me want to audition for The Bachelor and tell them that my biggest fear is one million dollars and a CBD gummy endorsement deal.
Once Peter and Madison climb to the top of the skyscraper, they take selfies hanging off the edge of the building, letting us know that this episode will be ending on a cliffhanger. At the end of the night, Madison and Peter have an emotional confrontation about intimacy that is truly brutal for both parties. The episode ends without a conclusion, leaving us with tons of questions about what is going to happen next. Chris Harrison tells us that this is going to be the Most Dramatic Season Finale ever, and we see an epic shot of Peter’s mom sobbing her eyes out and pleading to him, “Don’t let her go! Bring her home to us!” –officially making Peter the Pilot’s mother the Jean Valjean of our generation.
Check out the best memes from this episode here!
Best Tweets From the Season 27 Finale of ‘The Bachelor’
The Bachelor wrapped up its 27th season, bringing an end to Zach Shallcross’ journey of love.
Throughout the finale, fans had a lot of thoughts, which they shared on Twitter without any hesitation. And with no audio, ABC truly demands a whole lot from its dedicated viewers.
Here are some of the best tweets and memes from The Bachelor Season 27 finale and After the Final Rose.
Gabi’s exit monologue is a textbook description was what it’s like to live with anxiety — the constant cycle of doubting-then-trusting your intuition, but always somehow feeling like you got it wrong. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/wAAygmqpWZ
— Cate Minichino (@ThatGirlCJM) March 28, 2023
me DMing gabi on instagram to tell her she deserves better than zach and also ask what setting spray she uses after seeing how perfect her makeup still looks while crying #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/xg6qY3nvq1
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
This episode airing in PURE SILENCE is truly the most dramatic thing to ever happen on this show #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/M0IIw0YpDf
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 28, 2023
me trying to hug gabi through my television #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/QIkrNiHiZc
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
“When it actually matters when Kaity is here, don’t do this to her”
My literal reaction:#thebachelor #bachelor
— gene (@enrigenesis) March 28, 2023
“tonight on the 3-hour season finale of the bachelor”#TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/M1bCYPoenP
— the bitchelorette (@Bitchelorette_) March 28, 2023
ABC control room rn trying to get back the audio #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/lxgowKSv4e
— paige (@paigemb28) March 28, 2023
“Sex sells but now I’ve become a narrative.” Ouch 😭 #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/98Vbl0Gqfm
— Steph R. 🦋🌻 (@stephdizzle11) March 28, 2023
Zach is making Clayton look like Mother Theresa #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/z6SQe0Mftf
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 28, 2023
Chris Harrison finally acting out his revenge by cutting the sound to the finale #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/R9frIsvb5E
— Justin is totally not a skrull (@Freddiesroomate) March 28, 2023
"I thought it was love"
"You kissed me on the head and said this is just between us"
UGH Zach is so slimy for this #TheBachelorFinale #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/zkLP84iYvf
— krista knowlton (@kristaknowlton) March 28, 2023
After tomorrow I don’t ever want to think about this mess again #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/zL5OsVarWp
— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) March 26, 2023
Ariel just absolutely destroying Zach on live tv by using words he doesn’t understand #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/kMj8tEC6sD
— crazy bachelor fan (@crzybachelorfan) March 28, 2023
I’M SO TIRED OF WOMEN GETTING SHAMED FOR HAVING SEX ON THIS SHOW! Queen HB said it best. #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #ATFR pic.twitter.com/OWn9cZicP4
— BachelorBtch (@bachelorbtch) March 28, 2023
everyone in the country thinking they accidentally muted the TV and trying to turn the sound back on at the same time #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/s99oolT7Fc
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) March 28, 2023
Is this anything? #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/TvitoScs0g
— The Okay Gatsby (@KR24601) March 28, 2023
If I have to watch Zach shower one more FCKN time #TheBachelor #Bachelor pic.twitter.com/P7JH5Um72J
— Molly (26) (@OfHouseHeldman) March 14, 2023
No one can say Bachelor Nation is uncultured because we’re all watching a silent film on a Monday night #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/rEhvaB9hGT
— Sarah Sem (@TheSarahSem) March 28, 2023
Not only is this three hours but there’s no audio #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/l1kv7fA2oN
— bachyardigans (@bachyardigans) March 28, 2023
my girl is gonna be THE hot commodity in paradise this summer#TheBachelor #Bachelor pic.twitter.com/Tnl6NTIbJG
— peter’s golf cart (@petersgolfcart) March 21, 2023
Is anyone else HOWLING that there are literal red flags behind this man? #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/djcxXOxbI8
— College Park Mom (@lindsayoz) March 28, 2023
And in conclusion… #TheBachelor #bachelor pic.twitter.com/vF8QQNYBQU
— it’s courtney, bach 🌹 (@ItsCourtn3yBach) March 28, 2023
Ariel: “I’m sure you just came off a 30 minute shower scene”
GIRLLLLLL LMFAO #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/IEmOWgcsOv
— vanessa (@assenavmarie) March 28, 2023
Peter Weber is the benchmark for success tonight people #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/E1WxZj2S5P
— ShesAllBach (@ShesAllBach) March 28, 2023
After all of that, Zach walked away an engaged man, proposing to Kaity Biggar, a 28-year-old nurse from Canada.
In conclusion, it’s probably safe to say that Zach has now earned the title as the most hated Bachelor lead ever—what a season, and what a way to go out.
If you’re looking for your next dose of drama, ABC recently announced the upcoming season of The Bachelorette starring Charity will premiere on Monday, June 26, 2023, at 9:00-11:00 p.m as part of the summer lineup, so we’ll see you there for all the drama.
Coffee Table News
Chris Harrison Leaving ‘The Bachelor’ Franchise After 19 Years
After hosting The Bachelor for nearly 20 years, Chris Harrison is leaving the show.
His exit follows the February controversy in which he defended Season 25 contestant Rachel Kirkconnell after photos of her at an Antebellum party in 2018 surfaced. At the time, he defended Kirkconnell’s actions stating that they only looked bad through a 2021 lens.
He since apologized publicly on Twitter stating he promised to do better and took a hiatus from hosting in which he became “educated on a more profound and productive level than ever before.”
However, Variety reports that despite Harrison’s desire to stay on the show, the incident’s escalation pushed Harrison’s lawyers to devise an exit strategy. A settlement was reached with Warner Horizon along the lines of eight figures.
With the hiatus becoming permanent, Warner Horizon and ABC issued a joint statement: “We are thankful for his many contributions over the past 20 years and wish him all the best on his new journey.”
While there has been no permanent replacement for the host of the franchise, the current Season 17 of The Bachelorette is being hosted by previous contestants Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. And this summer’s Bachelor in Paradise will be hosted by David Spade, among a rotation of other celebrities.
Harrison took to Instagram to express his gratitude and confirm his exit: “I’ve had a truly incredible run as host of The Bachelor franchise and now I’m excited to start a new chapter. I’m so grateful to Bachelor Nation for all of the memories we’ve made together. While my two-decade journey is wrapping up, the friendships I’ve made will last a lifetime.”
Who Won Matt James’ Heart on the Season Finale of ‘The Bachelor’?
For a franchise that loves to hype up each season as the “most dramatic yet,” Matt James’ season of The Bachelor really outdid itself with real-world drama surrounding Rachael Kirkconnell’s racial controversy, Chris Harrison’s downfall, and the bullying between the women in the house.
In the season finale, Matt James expressed some doubts about his final two women: Rachael and Michelle Young.
Best Tweets from Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Finale and ‘After the Rose’
After Michelle gave him a jersey with his name on it (and a matching one for herself that read “Mrs. James), Matt decided it was the perfect time to break her heart. He explained that he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did for him.
“I just want clarity,” Michelle said about his feelings, to which he responded: “I don’t think I could get there with you.”
And thus… that left us with one woman standing: Rachael.
But does she get the final rose?
Matt still had doubts because he took what his mother said about love not being enough to sustain a relationship. He took that into consideration and questioned whether or not he was “there.” He realized he wasn’t sure that was ready to make a big decision or commitment like marriage regardless of the woman.
“What do I tell Rachael,” he questioned, adding, “Rushing into something I’m not ready for is… I’m not willing to make the same mistake my dad did.”
Harrison then informed Rachael that there wouldn’t be a date that evening because Matt was confused and needed some time. Naturally, she took it personally and broke down crying.
After some time to think it over, Matt revealed that he’s never felt this way before and that he knew he loved Rachael.
During their last meeting, Rachael poured her heart out and said she’d choose him everyday from here on out, through the good and bad.
Matt said that he saw what rushing a marriage did to his mom and his family and explained it’s not something he wants for them. “That’s why I can’t propose to you today,” he said, adding, “but that doesn’t mean I want to lose you.”
He explained that he wants to live his life with Rachael and wants to commit to her and build on what they started during their Bachelor journey.
“I’m in love you, and I see you as my wife and the mother of my kids,” he said.
So, while there’s no proposal, there is a future for Rachael and Matt… that is until those photos from the antebellum photos surfaced. All of that will be addressed during the “After the Rose” ceremony hosted by Emmanuel Acho.
During the “After the Rose” post-show, Matt revealed that his relationship with Rachael did not overcome the controversy.
“I’m really sorry that I hurt you,” Rachael told him in their first post-breakup meeting. Despite her apologies, Matt said he couldn’t get back together as she still had a lot to do. And though it was painful, the duo went their separate ways.
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