The Bachelor
The Bachelor Week 8 Review – Fantasy Suite, Mates!
This week on The Bachelor, Peter and the final three bachelorettes fly all the way to Gold Coast, Australia for Fantasy Suite week. We may be at the Gold Coast, but we all know that with this group, there will be absolutely no coasting. Unless you’re considering the coaster under my glass of wine while I play this Bachelor-themed drinking game.
When the bachelorettes arrive in Australia, they expect to get some alone time away from the other contestants so they can focus on their relationship with Peter. However, it turns out they’ve been set up to stay together in the same condo, and no one is happy about it. They were expecting Australia to be sweet, mate– they were not expecting suite-mates. We see a cringe-worthy sequence of the bachelorettes saying hello to each other like a bunch of college freshmen who were hoping for a single dorm room and realized they were moving into a quad with bunk beds and no counter space for their monogrammed Keurig. This pairs nicely with lots of uncomfortable forced conversation, awkward silences, and high-waisted jean shorts.
First, Peter takes Hannah Ann out on their one-on-one date. They go jet skiing, lounge together on a private beach, and have unnotable conversation underscored by The Bachelor’s soft guitar kissing music. At their dinner date, Hannah Ann reads a “handwritten” letter from our host Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison inviting the couple to spend the night together in their Fantasy Suite. Hannah reads the note out loud very slowly and very smiley like a child reading a letter to Santa Claus or Spongebob’s Patchy the Pirate reading fan mail from *Name and Address Withheld*. The date ends with a shot of Peter and Hannah Ann getting steamy up against a wall with a fade-out into a dramatic shot of the moon, like some extremely well-executed Twilight fanfiction.
Up next is Peter’s date with Victoria, the villain of the season. They spend their date in a helicopter but sadly there are no “Peter the Pilot” puns. Once they’re back on the ground, Victoria spends a lot of time skipping around like a toddler and saying “Wee!!” Or maybe she was actually just saying “WWE,” since it seems like the only thing she likes to do is fight. Alas, the date goes “well,” meaning that they don’t have a screaming match, a breakup, or any run-ins with ex-lovers–just a very uncommunicative conversation about their lack of communication skills. After another appearance from Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison, Peter and Victoria head to the fantasy suites where they presumably go to helicop-a-feel.
Lastly, Peter meets up with Madison, who has seemed to be bachelorette Peter has the strongest feelings for from the get-go. This date is basically just a set up for some serious drama, since Madison, a devout Christian, is saving herself for marriage and has not been entirely clear with Peter about the level of discomfort she feels over the possibility of him sleeping with the other bachelorettes. We all know this is going to be a huge issue since Peter definitely likes to get into trouble in a way that I very much respect. Their day begins with an extremely phallic date climbing up the tallest skyscraper in the Gold Coast. They take an elevator up to the 77th floor, symbolizing the seven deadly sins: pride, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth, and being here for the wrong reasons. As she approaches the skyscraper, Madison tells Peter that she is terrified of heights, leading me to the assumption that the producers on The Bachelor just ask what your biggest fear is and then proceed to use it against you on the show. This makes me want to audition for The Bachelor and tell them that my biggest fear is one million dollars and a CBD gummy endorsement deal.
Once Peter and Madison climb to the top of the skyscraper, they take selfies hanging off the edge of the building, letting us know that this episode will be ending on a cliffhanger. At the end of the night, Madison and Peter have an emotional confrontation about intimacy that is truly brutal for both parties. The episode ends without a conclusion, leaving us with tons of questions about what is going to happen next. Chris Harrison tells us that this is going to be the Most Dramatic Season Finale ever, and we see an epic shot of Peter’s mom sobbing her eyes out and pleading to him, “Don’t let her go! Bring her home to us!” –officially making Peter the Pilot’s mother the Jean Valjean of our generation.
Check out the best memes from this episode here!
Update 3/31/2020
ABC will not be moving forward with Olympics-themed spinoff “Summer Games,” Variety reported.
The competition was set to parallel the Summer Olympics in Tokyo this July, which was also canceled as a result of the global coronavirus pandemic. The sporting event was moved to next year, though, it’s unclear if the Bachelor franchise will air the series next year.
2/19/2020: The Bachelor is headed to the Olympics… well, their version of it anyway.
There doesn’t seem to be a cap on Bachelor franchise spinoffs because why would there be? We’re going to watch all of them anyway!
Just yesterday, the promo for The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart, a musical spinoff, dropped its first promo, but here we are today talking about an Olympics-themed spinoff.
Following the success of The Bachelor Winter Games, ABC is bringing you the Summer Olympics, a summer version of the athletic spinoff playing off of the fact that the Olympics are happening this July in Tokyo.
The show will essentially feature contestants competing in Olympic-styled sports events, which will just be pure joy, and likely getting involved in drama and hooking up on the side.
“[Summer Games] will be its own thing and it’ll run — it’ll be Bachelorette Summer Games,” ABC’s Senior Vice President of Alternative Programming Rob Mills said on The Ringer’s Bachelor Party podcast on Tuesday.
“What’s nice about Summer Games, is when we did Winter Games, Bachelor was still airing, so it was a lot . . . This is Summer Games, and then Paradise will start . . . There is going to be both,” he explained.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sOa0YgOxZ/
“I think it’s going to be really fun,” he added. “We found a really great place to hold it. I mean, it’s going to be so fun seeing these people in these great, you know, track and field, and swimming. This is a real Olympics. To me, this is the real Olympics.”
“I still think we need to look at the creative, and it’s like, do you — if somebody is with somebody or not, can they be in it?” he said. “‘Cause there’s certain people that you’d love to see — I mean, I’d love to see Jordan [Rodgers] or Colton [Underwood].”
All of this basically translates to us living, breathing, and sleeping Bachelor content!
No premiere date has been set for Summer Games yet, but Listen to Your Heart arrives in April!
Coffee Table News
Are ‘The Bachelor’s’ Peter Weber and Kelley Dating? They Were Spotted Cozying Up in Chicago
Clearly, Peter Weber did not get the memo about social distancing.
Peter’s season of The Bachelor may be over — and spoiler: he didn’t end up with any of the women — but he seems to have found love with one of the contestants he sent home, Kelley Flanagan.
The pilot and the lawyer were seen cozying up in her hometown of Chicago on Wednesday afternoon.
The duo was spotted hitting the riverwalk and cuddling up. At one point, Peter even picked Kelley up over his head, which isn’t surprising because all the girls loved to jump on Peter when they greeted him this season.
TMZ reports that Peter was very handsy with Kelley.
All of this might have been cuter if not for the fact that Chicago is currently under a “stay at home” order to combat the coronavirus pandemic.
The whole idea is that people are supposed to be staying at home and not congregating in public meeting spaces like parks, riverwalks, beaches, etc. Chicagoans have been ignoring the government order, which is enforced by law, so the Mayor was forced to impose fines of $500 smackaroos for anyone caught purposefully breaking the rule. She also said she would shut down parks and the entire lakefront.
If Kelley is giving Peter a second chance, if they’re soulmates, if they’ve figured it all out, it’s all great, just please stay indoors and stay away from other people!
I’m sure they can find something productive to do.
And if you gotta walk the pooch, make your walk quick and 6-feet away from other people.
‘The Bachelorette’s’ Mike Johnson Reveals If He’d Ever Become ‘The Bachelor’
We’re not kidding, it lasted like a total of two days.
Just days after that dramatic The Bachelor finale which found Peter Weber and Madison Prewett vowing to give their love a chance despite plenty of objections (both vocal and through facial expressions from our girl Barb), the couple has called it quits. Done. Duzno.
Peter broke the news on Instagram thanking both Madi and ex-fiancee Hannah Ann.
Madi, thank you for your patience and unconditional love. You’re the epitome of a woman who carries herself with grace, stands by what she believes in, and loves whole heartedly. That love is something I feel so grateful to have felt and will take a piece of that with me always going forward. Madi and I have mutually decided to not pursue our relationship any further. Believe me this was not easy for either of us to be ok with, but after a lot of honest conversations, we have agreed that this is what makes most sense for the two of us. The love and respect I have for Madi will continue to endure.
Hannah Ann, you set an example for women everywhere a couple nights ago. You are such a strong, confident woman and you deserve all the love in the world. I accept full responsibility for my mistakes in our relationship and wish you only the best. This has been an emotional experience and I am so grateful for the outreach of support that I have received from friends, family, and Bachelor Nation in the last few days. Thank you to all of you! This is just a another chapter in my story.
Since then, he’s gone back to hanging out with his mom while Madi, who also posted about the break-up, has found solace playing board games with Selena Gomez.
All’s well in the world.
Naturally, Twitter had some commentary.
The faces you make when you find out that the couple you were rooting for really fricken hard on the bachelor, PETER AND MADI breakup 2 DAYS after the LIVE FINALE. Honestly I fucking quit. I’m done with this shit #TheBachelor #pilotpete #MadisonPrewett #iquit pic.twitter.com/NcBQHh6R1J
— sydneykong (@sydney_kong) March 13, 2020
#bachelor #pilotpete #BachelorNation
How I feel about the Breakup: pic.twitter.com/0KZazhOW5H— themaryelizabethlife (@themaryelizabe1) March 13, 2020
The fact #HurricaneBarb posted this the same time @madiprew and #PilotPete announced their breakup is the true meaning of #SAVAGE #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/X74ArmXudR
— Bachelor Padcast (@BachelorPadcast) March 13, 2020
https://twitter.com/FlamingoMacK/status/1238847146541158407?s=20
So peter proposed to Hannah Ann then broke it off because he was still in love with Madison. Then him and Madison say they are gonna try a relationship. Then two days later they break up and Peter ends up with no one. I still think barb may have had something to do with this.
— Oliviana (@olumettaa) March 14, 2020
Me: Grandma, did you see the news about Peter and Madison's break-up?
Grandma: I didn't even have to look at the news to know about that.
Post-#TheBachelor finale and the commentary from Grandma is still 🔥🔥🔥
— Surprisingly Articulate (@most_articulate) March 14, 2020
Oh, and for those of you who think Barb played a role in the breakup, Peter assures that she did not.
On his way to the gym on Friday, Weber refuted the comments saying, “This is stuff between Madi and I solely 100 percent. People have their opinions but it should just be two of us and it’s just mutual respect and love,” according to Page Six.
That’s that Bachelor Nation.
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