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The Bachelor Week 8 Review – Fantasy Suite, Mates!

The Bachelor / ABC

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2 years ago

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This week on The Bachelor, Peter and the final three bachelorettes fly all the way to Gold Coast, Australia for Fantasy Suite week. We may be at the Gold Coast, but we all know that with this group, there will be absolutely no coasting. Unless you’re considering the coaster under my glass of wine while I play this Bachelor-themed drinking game.

When the bachelorettes arrive in Australia, they expect to get some alone time away from the other contestants so they can focus on their relationship with Peter. However, it turns out they’ve been set up to stay together in the same condo, and no one is happy about it. They were expecting Australia to be sweet, mate– they were not expecting suite-mates. We see a cringe-worthy sequence of the bachelorettes saying hello to each other like a bunch of college freshmen who were hoping for a single dorm room and realized they were moving into a quad with bunk beds and no counter space for their monogrammed Keurig. This pairs nicely with lots of uncomfortable forced conversation, awkward silences, and high-waisted jean shorts. 

First, Peter takes Hannah Ann out on their one-on-one date. They go jet skiing, lounge together on a private beach, and have unnotable conversation underscored by The Bachelor’s soft guitar kissing music. At their dinner date, Hannah Ann reads a “handwritten” letter from our host Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison inviting the couple to spend the night together in their Fantasy Suite. Hannah reads the note out loud very slowly and very smiley like a child reading a letter to Santa Claus or Spongebob’s Patchy the Pirate reading fan mail from *Name and Address Withheld*. The date ends with a shot of Peter and Hannah Ann getting steamy up against a wall with a fade-out into a dramatic shot of the moon, like some extremely well-executed Twilight fanfiction.

Up next is Peter’s date with Victoria, the villain of the season. They spend their date in a helicopter but sadly there are no “Peter the Pilot” puns. Once they’re back on the ground, Victoria spends a lot of time skipping around like a toddler and saying “Wee!!” Or maybe she was actually just saying “WWE,” since it seems like the only thing she likes to do is fight. Alas, the date goes “well,” meaning that they don’t have a screaming match, a breakup, or any run-ins with ex-lovers–just a very uncommunicative conversation about their lack of communication skills. After another appearance from Chris “Caligraphy” Harrison, Peter and Victoria head to the fantasy suites where they presumably go to helicop-a-feel.

Lastly, Peter meets up with Madison, who has seemed to be bachelorette Peter has the strongest feelings for from the get-go. This date is basically just a set up for some serious drama, since Madison, a devout Christian, is saving herself for marriage and has not been entirely clear with Peter about the level of discomfort she feels over the possibility of him sleeping with the other bachelorettes. We all know this is going to be a huge issue since Peter definitely likes to get into trouble in a way that I very much respect. Their day begins with an extremely phallic date climbing up the tallest skyscraper in the Gold Coast. They take an elevator up to the 77th floor, symbolizing the seven deadly sins: pride, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth, and being here for the wrong reasons. As she approaches the skyscraper, Madison tells Peter that she is terrified of heights, leading me to the assumption that the producers on The Bachelor just ask what your biggest fear is and then proceed to use it against you on the show. This makes me want to audition for The Bachelor and tell them that my biggest fear is one million dollars and a CBD gummy endorsement deal. 

Once Peter and Madison climb to the top of the skyscraper, they take selfies hanging off the edge of the building, letting us know that this episode will be ending on a cliffhanger. At the end of the night, Madison and Peter have an emotional confrontation about intimacy that is truly brutal for both parties. The episode ends without a conclusion, leaving us with tons of questions about what is going to happen next. Chris Harrison tells us that this is going to be the Most Dramatic Season Finale ever, and we see an epic shot of Peter’s mom sobbing her eyes out and pleading to him, “Don’t let her go! Bring her home to us!” –officially making Peter the Pilot’s mother the Jean Valjean of our generation. 

Check out the best memes from this episode here!

 


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    Writer, actor, composer, and caterer with lots of experience in being inexperienced. Currently based in New York City. Instagram: sarahdifi Twitter: sarahdifi_

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    Chris Harrison Leaving ‘The Bachelor’ Franchise After 19 Years

    Published

    1 year ago

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    June 8, 2021

    By

    Here's Who Is Replacing Chris Harrison for 'The Bachelorette' Next Season

    After hosting The Bachelor for nearly 20 years, Chris Harrison is leaving the show.

    His exit follows the February controversy in which he defended Season 25 contestant Rachel Kirkconnell after photos of her at an Antebellum party in 2018 surfaced. At the time, he defended Kirkconnell’s actions stating that they only looked bad through a 2021 lens.

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    While there has been no permanent replacement for the host of the franchise, the current Season 17 of The Bachelorette is being hosted by previous contestants Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. And this summer’s Bachelor in Paradise will be hosted by David Spade, among a rotation of other celebrities.

    Harrison took to Instagram to express his gratitude and confirm his exit: “I’ve had a truly incredible run as host of The Bachelor franchise and now I’m excited to start a new chapter. I’m so grateful to Bachelor Nation for all of the memories we’ve made together. While my two-decade journey is wrapping up, the friendships I’ve made will last a lifetime.”


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    Who Won Matt James’ Heart on the Season Finale of ‘The Bachelor’?

    Published

    1 year ago

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    March 15, 2021

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    He explained that he wants to live his life with Rachael and wants to commit to her and build on what they started during their Bachelor journey.

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    Best Tweets from Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Finale and ‘After the Rose’

    Published

    1 year ago

    on

    March 15, 2021

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