The Bachelor
The Bachelor Week 9: Women Tell All [Of Us That We Need To Get A Life]
In this week’s “Women Tell All” reunion episode, our host Chris Harrison makes his first notable appearance on the show, checks in with the former contestants from the season, and presumably has a private existential crisis. He kicks off the episode by introducing the twenty or so women who were “featured” on the show this season. I, for one, watched every single episode and think I genuinely recognized five people. You can tell the live studio audience is in the same predicament as they uncomfortably clap for the bachelorettes one-by-one like a group of middle schoolers being encouraged to participate in a “don’t do drugs” assembly.
We then see a clip of the rose ceremony with Peter’s final three bachelorettes. The sequence begins with the bachelorettes doing their makeup and talking about how much they love Peter, feeling very much like an extended YouTube ad for Neutrogena. We then see Peter waiting outside for the bachelorettes to arrive at the rose ceremony, where he confides in Chris Harrison that this process has been “so frickin hard.” Yes, Peter may be the 24th Bachelor, but with this comment, I think he really takes the crown as our very first boy-chelor.
At the top of the rose ceremony, Hannah Ann and Victoria arrive, but we quickly realize that Madison is missing–most likely because of her brutal confrontation with Peter at their last date. When Peter realizes that Madison may not show up and he has possibly lost the love of his life, we see dozens of shots of him holding back tears (some of which have become memes).
Suddenly, our favorite dramatic orchestral music begins to play and we know something big is about to happen. (Whether that thing is a progression of the plot or a bootleg production of Les Miserables is TBD). We see some intense shots of Chris Harrison looking out for something in the distance like a dad at a golf course who is trying to convince himself that he just made a great shot. Then, Madison finally enters the scene, and Peter starts sobbing his eyes out. At this moment, The Bachelor finally becomes the soap opera we have all been yearning for, and I’m not talking about those vegan soaps that the runner-ups will be promoting on their Instagrams three weeks from now.
We then enter a two and a half minute sequence with absolutely no dialogue–just some extremely dramatic music accompanying various shots of Peter, the bachelorettes, Chris Harrison, the rose, the sky, etc. The whole thing feels like an extended version of the theme to the Krusty Krab Training Video. In the end, Peter gives his roses to Hannah Ann and Madison (who accepts the rose with extreme reluctance). We get the feeling that Victoria is going to be just fine, but the rest of the contestants (including Peter) are definitely at the peak of their emotional vulnerability–leaving tons of promise for next week’s intense season finale.
The episode then goes back to the “Women Tell All” segment of the evening. Honestly, the real stars of this portion of the show aren’t even the former contestants–it’s the audience members. The “Women Tell All” night of The Bachelor is really for watching fans of the show get featured on television by standing out from the crowd with overly intense forced commentary, boisterous early 2000s American Idol Paula Abdul-esque clapping, and themed group outfits. There were dozens of fans wearing pilot and flight attendant uniforms, but my personal favorite was the group of women who showed up with matching cowgirl Halloween costumes in reference to the rodeo-themed date from the third episode. There was also a random group of uninterested frat bros there for some reason. At one point, Chris Harrison asks the audience members if they have ever attended a watching party for The Bachelor, and the entire group slowly raises their hands with shame and embarrassment like the girls in Mean Girls when Tina Fey asks them if they have ever talked about a girl behind their back.
When the focus is drawn to provoking fights between the former contestants, the bachelorettes mostly just talk over each other and break out into several smaller fights at the same time. They somehow tend to do so with an impressive amount of coherency, sounding very much like an a capella group doing a pop cover of the sound of a fork stuck in a garbage disposal. During one particular confrontation, we see a shot of Chris Harrison sitting in his chair, seemingly nodding in agreement, but his nods don’t line up with the timing of anything that the women are saying, so you can tell that during one of the commercial breaks the producers just asked Chris to sit and nod paternally for several seconds.
The episode also spends a good amount of time plugging The Bachelor’s upcoming spin-off series, Listen To Your Heart, where several musicians sing duets together and hope to fall in love with their singing partner. I wish Disney Plus would have had this idea first and called it “High School Musical for Adults.” We also end the night with a series of “bloopers” (shots of people dropping things) and a segment of Peter the Pilot crashing several Bachelor watching parties that had a higher budget than my high school prom.
This week’s episode of The Bachelor gives us lots of awkward Chris Harrison moments, an incredible appearance from one of our previous Bachelorettes, Rachel, and an extremely satisfying glimpse into what is in store for our season finale. Check out the best memes from this episode here!
Update 3/31/2020
ABC will not be moving forward with Olympics-themed spinoff “Summer Games,” Variety reported.
The competition was set to parallel the Summer Olympics in Tokyo this July, which was also canceled as a result of the global coronavirus pandemic. The sporting event was moved to next year, though, it’s unclear if the Bachelor franchise will air the series next year.
2/19/2020: The Bachelor is headed to the Olympics… well, their version of it anyway.
There doesn’t seem to be a cap on Bachelor franchise spinoffs because why would there be? We’re going to watch all of them anyway!
Just yesterday, the promo for The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart, a musical spinoff, dropped its first promo, but here we are today talking about an Olympics-themed spinoff.
Following the success of The Bachelor Winter Games, ABC is bringing you the Summer Olympics, a summer version of the athletic spinoff playing off of the fact that the Olympics are happening this July in Tokyo.
The show will essentially feature contestants competing in Olympic-styled sports events, which will just be pure joy, and likely getting involved in drama and hooking up on the side.
“[Summer Games] will be its own thing and it’ll run — it’ll be Bachelorette Summer Games,” ABC’s Senior Vice President of Alternative Programming Rob Mills said on The Ringer’s Bachelor Party podcast on Tuesday.
“What’s nice about Summer Games, is when we did Winter Games, Bachelor was still airing, so it was a lot . . . This is Summer Games, and then Paradise will start . . . There is going to be both,” he explained.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sOa0YgOxZ/
“I think it’s going to be really fun,” he added. “We found a really great place to hold it. I mean, it’s going to be so fun seeing these people in these great, you know, track and field, and swimming. This is a real Olympics. To me, this is the real Olympics.”
“I still think we need to look at the creative, and it’s like, do you — if somebody is with somebody or not, can they be in it?” he said. “‘Cause there’s certain people that you’d love to see — I mean, I’d love to see Jordan [Rodgers] or Colton [Underwood].”
All of this basically translates to us living, breathing, and sleeping Bachelor content!
No premiere date has been set for Summer Games yet, but Listen to Your Heart arrives in April!
Coffee Table News
Are ‘The Bachelor’s’ Peter Weber and Kelley Dating? They Were Spotted Cozying Up in Chicago
Clearly, Peter Weber did not get the memo about social distancing.
Peter’s season of The Bachelor may be over — and spoiler: he didn’t end up with any of the women — but he seems to have found love with one of the contestants he sent home, Kelley Flanagan.
The pilot and the lawyer were seen cozying up in her hometown of Chicago on Wednesday afternoon.
The duo was spotted hitting the riverwalk and cuddling up. At one point, Peter even picked Kelley up over his head, which isn’t surprising because all the girls loved to jump on Peter when they greeted him this season.
TMZ reports that Peter was very handsy with Kelley.
All of this might have been cuter if not for the fact that Chicago is currently under a “stay at home” order to combat the coronavirus pandemic.
The whole idea is that people are supposed to be staying at home and not congregating in public meeting spaces like parks, riverwalks, beaches, etc. Chicagoans have been ignoring the government order, which is enforced by law, so the Mayor was forced to impose fines of $500 smackaroos for anyone caught purposefully breaking the rule. She also said she would shut down parks and the entire lakefront.
If Kelley is giving Peter a second chance, if they’re soulmates, if they’ve figured it all out, it’s all great, just please stay indoors and stay away from other people!
I’m sure they can find something productive to do.
And if you gotta walk the pooch, make your walk quick and 6-feet away from other people.
‘The Bachelorette’s’ Mike Johnson Reveals If He’d Ever Become ‘The Bachelor’
We’re not kidding, it lasted like a total of two days.
Just days after that dramatic The Bachelor finale which found Peter Weber and Madison Prewett vowing to give their love a chance despite plenty of objections (both vocal and through facial expressions from our girl Barb), the couple has called it quits. Done. Duzno.
Peter broke the news on Instagram thanking both Madi and ex-fiancee Hannah Ann.
Madi, thank you for your patience and unconditional love. You’re the epitome of a woman who carries herself with grace, stands by what she believes in, and loves whole heartedly. That love is something I feel so grateful to have felt and will take a piece of that with me always going forward. Madi and I have mutually decided to not pursue our relationship any further. Believe me this was not easy for either of us to be ok with, but after a lot of honest conversations, we have agreed that this is what makes most sense for the two of us. The love and respect I have for Madi will continue to endure.
Hannah Ann, you set an example for women everywhere a couple nights ago. You are such a strong, confident woman and you deserve all the love in the world. I accept full responsibility for my mistakes in our relationship and wish you only the best. This has been an emotional experience and I am so grateful for the outreach of support that I have received from friends, family, and Bachelor Nation in the last few days. Thank you to all of you! This is just a another chapter in my story.
Since then, he’s gone back to hanging out with his mom while Madi, who also posted about the break-up, has found solace playing board games with Selena Gomez.
All’s well in the world.
Naturally, Twitter had some commentary.
The faces you make when you find out that the couple you were rooting for really fricken hard on the bachelor, PETER AND MADI breakup 2 DAYS after the LIVE FINALE. Honestly I fucking quit. I’m done with this shit #TheBachelor #pilotpete #MadisonPrewett #iquit pic.twitter.com/NcBQHh6R1J
— sydneykong (@sydney_kong) March 13, 2020
#bachelor #pilotpete #BachelorNation
How I feel about the Breakup: pic.twitter.com/0KZazhOW5H— themaryelizabethlife (@themaryelizabe1) March 13, 2020
The fact #HurricaneBarb posted this the same time @madiprew and #PilotPete announced their breakup is the true meaning of #SAVAGE #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/X74ArmXudR
— Bachelor Padcast (@BachelorPadcast) March 13, 2020
https://twitter.com/FlamingoMacK/status/1238847146541158407?s=20
So peter proposed to Hannah Ann then broke it off because he was still in love with Madison. Then him and Madison say they are gonna try a relationship. Then two days later they break up and Peter ends up with no one. I still think barb may have had something to do with this.
— Oliviana (@olumettaa) March 14, 2020
Me: Grandma, did you see the news about Peter and Madison's break-up?
Grandma: I didn't even have to look at the news to know about that.
Post-#TheBachelor finale and the commentary from Grandma is still 🔥🔥🔥
— Surprisingly Articulate (@most_articulate) March 14, 2020
Oh, and for those of you who think Barb played a role in the breakup, Peter assures that she did not.
On his way to the gym on Friday, Weber refuted the comments saying, “This is stuff between Madi and I solely 100 percent. People have their opinions but it should just be two of us and it’s just mutual respect and love,” according to Page Six.
That’s that Bachelor Nation.
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