The first season of The Royals was literally like crack to me. I binged watch all those episodes as if it was the air I needed to breathe. The second season sadly doesn’t have the same momentum.

We’re on the 4th episode and we’re still dealing with the same stuff- the King hates that everyone loved King Simon, everyone is mourning King Simon, Eleanor is lost and doing wild stuff and they don’t know who killed their father.

The stuff with King Cyrus is especially daunting to me. He’s mad that England hates him but praises his brother. The next minute, he doesn’t care if everyone hates him because he’s still King. Then he feels bad for himself because he only has one testicle. When he got into the car and drove through the King Simon memorial, I kind of wished he’d be a little more hurt. But unfortunately, he came out unscathed. Will he be King for much longer? Not if Helena can do anything about it.

She’ll be sure to try to get him eliminated and she’s already trying to change up the order of succession. We for sure know King Cyrus’s daughters aren’t fit to run a country, although at least one of them is decent looking now after the plastic surgery, which was a tad too unbelievable. No one can work that kind of magic. But it works for the anti-monarchist, who almost refused to continue courting King Cyrus’s daughters until he saw how hot she’d gotten. Can’t wait till they find out their both dating the same guy.

King Cyrus does have something going for him though… an heir to the crown. A boy heir that the maid will be birthing for him. Will that change anything? Possibly. Although part of me kind of believes she’s the kings killer. Why else would she be so happy to carry his baby?

Princess Eleanor takes the advice of her new security detail, which she kind of fancies and decides to give up men for a little. There’s no way she’d give up drugs, she’s basically high all the time. Instead, she finds comfort in her newly acquired friend Mandy. The two ditch the security and go off on a fun filled day around town, before ending up in bed together and hooking up. Eleanor really doesn’t have any morals. But plot twist- Mandy is actually Jasper’s ex! When he sees her snooping around the palace, he confronts her and she says she’s finishing up what they started. What is that exactly Jasper from Las Vegas? And why is she hooking up with the girl he loves? Jealousy?

Jasper comes to Ted with necklace that Liam found on himself the night he got black out drunk cause like Ted says, moderation is not a thing us millenials know much about. However, Ted doesn’t disclose that he already has a business card with that same symbol on it. He finds an address which leads him to a palace, where he has some sort of hallucination. Turns out Ophelia’s mom didn’t die in America, she died on the red carpet while her husband was protecting the King. Hm…

Inside the palace, he sees that same symbol and in the parking lot he comes face to face with some mysterious man who claims Ted is responsible for the kings death. Wait, what? Is Ted not the guy we thought he was? And who is this group? Why did Helena’s mom say “we take on of theirs, they take two of ours.” And why did they give Liam that necklace? Who is this group?

Liam didn’t do much this week except spend time with his pals and become the people’s prince by unveiling his father’s monument when King Cyrus selfishly refused to. Some people have a way with others and Liam is one of those guys.

As for Helena, she got high with her two children and muttered about how “tired” she is of everything before exclaiming that love is the answer. Must be some good weed Eleanor has. She then asked Lucious to deliver note to Alastor Lacey, hopeful that she could finally start her life with him. Unfortunately, the man she “trusts” is actually the guy that killed Lacey, so um, oops?

Will King Cyrus die soon? Who will take over the throne? Will Jasper get rid of Mandy or will Eleanor’s girl crush go too far? And will Ophelia come back anytime soon?